(Closed) Would it bother you if your SO's parents paid for part/all of your ring?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Would it bother you if your SO's parents contributed $ toward your e-ring?
    yes : (166 votes)
    57 %
    no : (84 votes)
    29 %
    depends on the amount : (40 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    528 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016 - Long Island, NY

    I don’t see this as an issue at all. Everyone’s relationships with their families are different.

    Would it bother you if it was paid with using Bar Mitzvah money? If you aren’t familiar with that, it’s a coming-of-age celebration for boys aged 13. You read from the Torah, your parents throw you a HUGE party (I would be willing to say comparable to a wedding in many aspects, including price), and people give you monetary gifts ($10k+). Your parents put that money away for you to use towards something (college, down payment, engagement ring) in the future. Many men I know have paid for their wive’s rings with Bar Mitzvah money.

    (Just to be clear, my FH did not have one- shucks! I only bring it up because I think it’s very similar and it doesn’t bother me at all.) 

    Post # 62
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    SunnierDaysAhead:  Tough one. I think it might bother me a little bit. But on the other hand, the obvious support of his parents towards the marriage is a pretty nice vote of confidence. I would take it as a “welcome to the family”. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    7899 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It depends. Some parents are just incredibly generous, and not everyone has that much in savings because they might still be in school or have a job with a modest salary. I would not be ok with parents funding an e-ring if it was because the guy was financially irresponsible. If the potential fiancee is not ok with having an additional payor to the ring cost, she should make sure that her likes match the ring buyer’s funds. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee

    If you cant afford it yourself you don’t need it! Are they going to go to his parents when they want a house, car have babies? I’m al ittle biased though bc I am proud that my Fiance works hard and pays for everything on his own. I have a beautiul ring its not huge by any means. But he paid for it with his own money and didnt have to make payments. I think its silly to buy something outside your means to just have something thats expensive!

    Post # 65
    Member
    340 posts
    Helper bee

    No not if we had a good relationship with them

    Post # 66
    Member
    11378 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    If someone I knew went this route I probably wouldn’t really bat an eyelash or anything. Whatever works for them I guess. But for me personally I wouldn’t want more than was in my husband’s budget. If I did we would have to figure that out on our own, but I wouldn’t.

    Post # 68
    Member
    6435 posts
    Bee Keeper

    SunnierDaysAhead:  Yes it would really bother me because neither of us like his mother at all.

    Post # 69
    Member
    1988 posts
    Buzzing bee

    SunnierDaysAhead:  in my culture the ring is just a gift of love and commitment. But it has no meaning in terms of financial independence or if a man is ready to provide for his future wife. For most people it has also nothing to do with social status. We don’t really care if other people’s rings are a diamond, colored gem, simulant. And in general people don’t care much about other people’s rings or judge them.

      So if his parents are happy to pitch in and help pay so I can have a bigger ring, what I would think is that they like me and love me a whole lot to be so generous and participate of such a meaningful gift for me. 

     

    Post # 70
    Member
    497 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 1993

    Heck yeah it would bother me!

    Post # 71
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee

    I wouldn’t be comfortable accepting money from either set of parents for a ring, but I wouldn’t be comfortable accepting their money for anything (wedding, house, etc).

    Post # 72
    Member
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - Southern Plantation House

    At first when I clicked on this post my mind went to wedding bands first, and my comment was going to be “absolutely not, I would be thrilled if we could get some help with the bands!” However once I realized it was an e-ring, that changed my attitude. To me, the e-ring is the man’s way of symbolizing that he is ready to financially support you and take care of you for the rest of his life (not a sole provider/income thing, but a leader of the house thing). Call me traditional if you must. However, Fiance & I went shopping for wedding bands for the first time today, which I would consider to be a wedding budget expense. If his parents, mine, or any relatives for that matter offered to pay for part/all of those, I would be thrilled! 

    Post # 73
    Member
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2017

    I think i would feel really uncomfortable with Fiance buying an expensive ring for me if he didnt actually have the money to do it.  I see the ring as a symbol for starting your independant lives together..and i dont think i would like anyone else to contribute to that unless they were offering an heirloon or it was tradition.

    Post # 74
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Wouldn’t it be more irresposible for both of them to buy a ring that they couldn’t afford? I would be perfectly fine with it. It isn’t a loan, and he isn’t going into debt for the next 5 years to pay it off. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee

    When we were talking about wedding expenses before we were engaged, my then-boyfriend, now-FI mentioned that his parents had contributed money for the ring. It was mentioned as like “they’ll pay for the rehearsal dinner, and they already gave me some money for the ring.” I think in their minds it was just another wedding expense. He’s the first son to be married, so maybe they thought it was typical to do this. In any case I didn’t mind. Compared to many, we hadn’t been dating very long by the time he proposed, so I don’t think he would have had time to save up enough on his own. The gift from his parents made it so that he could buy the ring he liked without going into debt or compromising.

    Post # 76
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Wouldn’t bother me in the least!  My in-laws gave us a large sum of money after we were married to make sure all student loans and debt were paid off.. It helped us immensely.  Not sure what the difference is.. Just be extremely grateful 😉

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