(Closed) Would love to hear a mans POV….

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9650 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is such a great point! 

Now that we’re married I asked Darling Husband what was going through his mind when we were considering taking our relationship to the next level, discussing our future, etc.  He said, “I was hoping and praying you would want  to marry me.  I had to be 100% sure you would say yes  before I asked.” 

Needless to say, I really loved his answer, lol.

Post # 4
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I know that Mr. 99 was really under pressure after he got the ring, he said it made him nuts to know it was in the house and NOT on my finger!  He looked at it 1,000 times a day, and ran over how he was going to ask a million times in his head…so when a man is ready to go bang on the proposal, he’s a mess!

Post # 5
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Hey everyone. Maybe some of the girls on here can help me out. I am 26 years old almost done with college, finally! I will be graduating next August as a certified Welder and Fabricator. I guess not many woman can say they love to weld, lol. I am a mother to a son who will be 3 years old this Sunday. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now, and we just hit the two year mark. He is awesome. He cooks me dinner sometimes, takes out the trash, has done dishes for me, folded my laundry when I sometimes do not ask him to, and we do not live together now… But especially has taken care of my son, and has stepped up to be his sole role model as a dad. My sons father left when he was a year old, and has not seen my son since, and it will be two years in January. Its better that way, and my son is thriving wonderfully, since my sons biological father has a lot of personal and serious legal issues and now I am thankful for the man I have in my life currently.

I believe God gives you reasons as to why they happen, and I believe my son was given to me to meet this awesome guy. But anyways, to cut to my problem with being a MISS WAITING BEE, haha… After a year of me and my boyfriend dating, he knew he wanted to marry me. We want the same things in life, we like the same type of homes for sale, we hunt and fish together, so its important we keep the tad bit of hunting style in our future wedding plans, lol. He is the first man to ever be loyal and honest to me. He does what he tells me he is going to do. I have never been so lucky in my life, because the past 8 years, I havent been.

Over this past spring, he was going to propose to me at my parents fourth of july party, which by the way has a gathering of at least 100 people who are family and friends of my parents and my siblings. I told him I wanted to share it with everyone on that special day, and might I add the party is thrown at my parents cottage on a lake with a DJ ๐Ÿ™‚ So, I thought it would be perfect! And then that would save me the time and energy of answering everyones questions about the proposal and so on. Sharing my deepest memories and surprises is important to me with my family involved.

One problem… Before he could propose to me at the party in july, we broke up in april and I moved out with my son. (which by the way I had no idea he was going to propose until we got back together five months later at the end of august and he told me when we got back together that he was going to do it.) We jumped into things too fast in the beginning of our relationship, and we started to lose focus on what was important between us which led to a lot of nit picking and all the little things that can lead you down the drain. But now we are back together, and he has understood what it takes to leave the little things alone, (which I already understood in the first place and I was the dumper, lol.) We are doing much better, and taking things a lot slower, and not living together at the moment.

Over the past four months, since august, it seems like my boyfriend has been dropping hints. This is what I need help on. When we got back together he sent me a text saying “I have already been ready to marry you, and told you when and where I was going to do it” only because I told him where I wanted it to happen, but he never verbally spoiled the surprise if you get what I am saying. Another hint he gave to me was this “Well there goes your surprise this christmas 2012” all because he bought me a beautiful ruby heart promise ring LAST christmas and over the summer I sold it because I didnt know we would get back together and thought he was mad at me so I didnt want to keep it lying around my house and having the emotional heartache of looking at it.

He said I hurt his feelings selling the promise ring he bought me. The other hint was that he told me to “be patient” after I wrote him a four page letter reguarding how important the engagement was to me… The facial expression on his face when he told me to be patient was absolutely gleaming… I mean when he looked at me, its almost as if he had that little kid twinkle in his eye with a slight corner smile on his face! But the problem is, is right now he is trying to buy a house, but the bank turned his offer down and he is going to try and give them a higher offer this time to see if it will go through. The next hint he told me was “Just let me get this house and we can go from there after” He is also on a major budget right now and has one debt to pay off his credit card, other than that he is debt free. I have been extremely patient with him, despite bringing it up a few times.

The next hint he gave me back in august of this year when we got back together was “Maybe after these 6 to 8 months, we will see… Or once you finish up this semester” That was after I asked him about what the plan was. I do not know what is up his sleeve, but it seems as if he is trying to look for a house and get me a ring at the same time. He told me this week that “I think about starting things everyday” So, maybe my special fourth of july engagement may be coming next month due to his hint of “There goes your christmas surprise” who knows….. Maybe some of you ladies can help me out, we are both ready for it emotionally, and I forgot to add that he is 29 years old with a six day a week job working for the union. So, he is trying to get things going, but who knows is a matter of when! Thanks guys.

-Lauren

Post # 6
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have a friend who made his wife wait util their first child was almost 2 before proposing.  Now that I am in a similar situation as her, she and I began talking about it when I went there to visit one time, and he listened as I cried to her about how hurt I felt over it, the confusion of why hast he asked, the embarrassment of calling someone your boyfriend when they are much more significant to you than the title lets on–all of it basically.  during this conversation he said that he had no idea until now how badly it can feel to be in waiting, and until he heard me so upset and how his wife was able to comfort me based on being able to relate to how I felt, he hadnt really understood WHY she was so upset–to him, he had told her he wanted to someday, why didn’t she believe him?.  I found out later from her that after I left he apologized to her about making her wait for what felt like a pretty stupid reason to wait now–buying a nice enough ring and waiting for the “right time”.  Told her if he had the chance to change anything he’d have married her sooner.

Post # 7
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am not a guy, but I did get to hear from a bunch of guys whose GFs should be on these boards. They were drunk and chit chatting and there were some interesting key points made:

– They are trying to figure out who their SO is. They fell in love with a super confident, sexy person and now she is insecure, pushing for commitment  and the like. The waiting is causing the insecurity and the insecurity is confusing the guys. The guys are trying to figure out what is going on before agreeing to spend their life with that person.

– They were worried about the long term. They were dating great girls who they fell in love with, but weren’t who they imagined as a wife. They had to figure out if current girl could become fantasy wife.

– They knew engagement causes wedding planning (not fun), then babies. They weren’t ready for the stress of wedding planning and then the responsibility of babies.

– From the same guy (eye roll), they couldn’t see their Girlfriend as a mother. She spent hours at the gym and loved her wine. What kind of mom would she be when she was out of the house from 6am to 8pm and drank wine every night? (she would gladly give up the gym and wine for a ring and baby)

– They were trying to work through a non-negotiable– their girlfriend hated their kid brother. How would that work out down the road? Or, religions differed. 

– They were afraid it wouldn’t work out. For whatever reason, they thought the relationship wouldn’t go the distance (normally because they didn’t have good communication and didn’t know how to work out problems). They loved their Girlfriend, but didn’t want a divorce

-Finally, they knew she was the one and made the decision. Rings are expensive and they were expected (by their GF’s, society, their families  to give nice rings. They were saving and it took time!

 

I hope this helps!

Post # 8
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’ll tell you one honest thing about what took so long with my Fiance… Money. I originally wanted a moissanite, he wanted me to have a diamond. I was fine with anything under 1000; I had tons of things picked! But when it really came down to it, he didn’t want to look like a cheapass. Ugh. Men. So infuriating.

Post # 9
Member
46 posts
Newbee

@LiliKitty:  Thats how I am feeling right now. I feel as if his situation is money. To me, he can get me any ring he wants… He has told me that he wants to get me something HE thinks I will like. I have given him emails and pictures of what I like. So, financially, he has told me two times in the past four months that he is on a serious budget right now and is always saying it under his breath by me. Your telling me… Its hard and stressful.

Post # 10
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Apparently, my FH waited so long to propose because he felt like we were already married. We moved in together really quickly. I knew he felt this way even though he denied it. I never pushed for an engagement ring but I did want to become domestic partners before I up and left my fabulous life in LA for stupid Minneapolis ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 11
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

This has me thinking and I think I might talk to SO into creating an account.  I mean, he really only ever thinks about marriage stuff when I bring it up (as far as I know – he has never brought it up himself) but he knows about the hive and likes that I have this place for ideas and help. I might bring it up to him and if he agrees, I’ll let y’all know his name so everyone can know.

Post # 12
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d love to come across a SO’s waiting board and read all of their thoughts and issues and finally figure out what the bleep is going through their heads!! 

 

There isn’t a men’s waiting board.  They are playing basketball, making sandwiches and masterbating.

 

Seriously.  Their minds work completely differently than ours do.  I do agree that it’s stressfull for them, but I think they are worried about different things than we worry about – maybe things that are actually more substantial – will I be a good provider, will she turn into a different person once I propose etc etc.

But where we can spend endless hours contemplating the many different ring possibilities they tend to….ooooo sandwich.

We contemplate the consequences to budgets and dresses and the different combinations of our friends as bridesmaids and they will be thinking…. oooooo penis.

Post # 13
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@3xaCharm:  Ha ha ha– “ooooo sandwich, oooooo penis.” ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 14
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@3xaCharm:  They are playing basketball, making sandwiches and masturbating.

sounds freaking heavenly! Lol

Post # 15
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

While I’m a girl, I think I can kind of understand a guys point of view (I’m the “butch” one in a lesbian relationship).  When my Fiance started mentioning that she wanted a ring it just seemed like too much trouble! It’s not that I didn’t want to spend my life with her, it’s more that I was perfectly happy with our life. We already lived together and acted like we were married so why do I need to spend all that money on a ring and a wedding. I like routine and felt comfortable, it’s hard to change a situation that makes you feel comfortable. Also the thought of something being forever sounds scary! 

Money was also huge factor for me, I felt like I had to get her some super fancy expensive ring. She said she didn’t need anything expensive and she would be happy with cubic zirconia, but I knew she was going to be showing it off to her friends and I didn’t want to come across as cheap. I felt that I would be judged by the quality of ring I could afford. Then after a ring comes a wedding, that is a huge expense! I knew that a nice wedding was important to her so if I proposed we would have to have a nice wedding with all the things she’d dreamed about. I’d rather spend all that money on a new car.  After the wedding comes a house, I needed to make sure I was financially ready to be able to give her all of these things that she wanted. 

Buying a ring was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done! When I was ready to buy it I just about had a heart attack after I paid for it! It felt like a lot of money to spend on something so tiny! I kept staring at the balance of my bank account, everyday for a week I would go online to look at my account balance and just stare at that huge chunk of money that was gone!

I will say that after all that once the ring arrived I couldn’t wait to give it to her. It was so hard for me to hang on to it I wanted to give it to her right away and had to force myself not to ruin my big surprise proposal!

Post # 16
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Is there room on this thread for a man’s POV?

@brideoffrankenstein I often wonder what thoughts waitingbee’s SOs would have if they read the waiting boards, would it help them to understand us a little better? Would they think all women were crazy?”

Men already think women are crazy. They don’t need to read the waiting boards. I’m not trying to offend you. Women think men are crazy, and men think women are crazy. Nothing new.

@Mswaitingbee “The other hint was that he told me to “be patient” after I wrote him a four page letter reguarding how important the engagement was to me…”

First of all, congrats on finishing school soon! It sounds like your SO is well aware of how important the engagement is to you. Speaking from a guy’s perspective, I think 4 page letters and that sort of thing have a tendancy to add pressure and only delay that special day. It sounds like you’ve been very patient by only bringing it up a few times. I’m not sticking up for him, just trying to help you get what you want SOON. Continue to “be patient” Lauren. He sounds like a stud. Just needs to get his financial priorities straightened out ๐Ÿ˜‰ On a serious note though, I can relate a little b/c I’m also saving on a budget.

Okay, back to my basketball and sandwiches.



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