Post # 1
Member
6550 posts
Bee Keeper
Let me first start off by saying that DH goes out at least once a week with his buddies, and I am 100% okay with it. Even if it was twice a week I wouldn’t care.
But in this particular situation I am annoyed. DH is leaving tomorrow and won’t be back til Sunday night. Part of the trip is business, the rest is pleasure. So yesterday DH told me he had a mandatory holiday party to go. He shares an office with his best friend ( which is pretty awesome). So he said he would be leaving around 7:30, figure he gets home around 830-9. So I figure I will have part of Mon night and Tues to spend with him since I know I won’t get to talk to him while he is away.
I text him at 10 and said if he is on his way home, he said no, I am heading to X’s house for a bit (his best friend), I straight up said for what? He said to hang out. I said but you are going to be with him the whole weekend and I have no time to spend with you. And he goes, well we will see eachother tomorrow night. Maybe I am being greedy, but I wanted to spend part of Mon night and all of Tues night with him. My whole point was why did you have to hang out after the party when you are gonna have all of weds, thurs, fri, sat to “hang out” He then ignored me the rest of the night and didn’t come home til 1am.
I know some people will think I am being childish, but I just needed to vent.
Post # 4
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
Um, yeah that would annoy me! Personally, my guy and I love spending time with each other. We are both busy with set schedules. I’d be upset that he didn’t contact me or check in at least.
His behavior seems shady to me.
Post # 5
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
Yes, I would be more than annoyed – I would be mad.
Post # 6
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
I’d be super annoyed. He was just plain rude and insensitive. Try not to let it ruin your night together tonight though!
Post # 7
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee
@Daizy914: I would be annoyed too. Since he was supposed to be home earlier, he should have let you know where he was. What if something happened to him and you were worried? That’s completely unacceptable. I would be really annoyed if thought that my husband was going to be home at 8:30-9 and he wasn’t still home at 10 and I had to be the one to text HIM about where he was. It’s called being respectful.
Post # 8
Member
6550 posts
Bee Keeper
@LuxeLady: He did check in, but I text him to tell him why I was upset and he just told me I don’t see what the big deal is. Ill see you when I get home, and eventually he just stopped responding to my texts
I tried to address it this morning, and he repeated himself,
@happyheidi1984: and yes, he was exactly that, insensitive. I am not going to let this slide. I don’t want to ruin my night but I am still upset and I feel like this needs to be addressed bc I don’t want him to think he can do this all the time!
Post # 9
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
@Daizy914: Good luck darlin! Stand firm and make sure he knows why you’re upset. Hugs!
Post # 10
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
Sorry to hear this :/ Yeah I’d be annoyed if I were in your shoes too.
Maybe in the future you can ask him what his plans are specifically? Or tell him beforehand that you’re hoping to get x time together?
Post # 11
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
I would be super upset. It’s not about the going out it’s about the being insensitive and ignoring your feelings. I don’t think you’re being petty or childish at all.
Now, having said that we are all human and have all done something to hurt our SO’s feelings without intending it. So, I am not trying to make him look like the bad guy here.
I think you do need to address it though, it was not fair and you don’t want to be doormat. I would just talk to him about how it made you feel. Let him know that it made you feel like he didn’t want to spend time with you and that it made you feel like your emotions were not important. My guess is he has no idea that what he did was really wrong.
Post # 12
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
@Daizy914: I’d be upset. He is probably in “boy time” mode already But doesn’t mean it’s right. The thing that bothers me about stuff like that is I feel people do what they want for the most part. Like I/you shouldn’t have to beg/remind. They should just want to see their SO knowing they will be gone for a bit And it should be common sense to come home.
Post # 13
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
My FI did this one day where we didn’t get to see eachother much. He went to a Hockey game and then went to his dad’s house to watch a football game. Instead of texting, I called. For us, it was a brief conversation of “I haven’t seen you all weekend, can you come home?” He got it pretty quickly. Some times texts just can’t express it.
The only take away for the future would be setting up the expectation ahead of time with your DH about spending time together. Sometimes guys just don’t get it, and need that brick to hit them over the head.
Post # 14
Member
3754 posts
Honey bee
I would be annoyed. He did the exact opposite of what he said he would do. I think it was a bit selfish of him 🙁
Post # 15
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
@Daizy914: Ugh, that would annoy me as well. Did I read that right? You expected him home betwen 8:30-9 and at 10, you texted him to see what was going on and it was at that point he told you he was going to his friends house? He should have texted you at 7:30PM (OR EARLIER) to let you know he wasn’t coming home right away. It’s just common courtesy. I’m assuming him and his friend made these plans to hang out sometime during the day so he had plenty of time to give you a heads up.
He honestly probably doesn’t see the big issue. Which is probably a bit hurtful because you probably feel like you’re the only ones who cares if you spend time together before he leaves 🙁 And also, if my SO ignored my msg’s until 1AM, there would be hell to pay. It would just seem so out of chracter for either of us to do that, so it’s hard for me to not get upset when I read about someone doing that. I just don’t think there’s ever any reason to ever flat out ignore and disprespect each other like that (especially when someone is feeling hurt)
In the future, if you want to hang out with him before he leaves, I would just tell him that. Just let him know that you are hoping to spend time together Monday and Tuesday evening because you’re going to miss him while he’s away. That way, he knows for sure and there isn’t any confusion. And as for right now, I would just let him know that you’re feeling hurt and angry. Let him know exactly why.
Post # 16
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@Daizy914: I’d be upset and weirded out if my husband did this, however we do everything together (he races home to be with me). Maybe your husband just likes more time to do his own thing and doesn’t realize he’s being insensitive.
