(Closed) Would this be an unreasonable request?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t think that its an unreasonable request but I do think you need to be tactful in how you ask. You could simply tell her that you’re so honored to have her there but that there will also be other special guests and you want to make sure everyone is comfortable during the events. Ask her to be mindful of her language because it will be added stress for you if you have to worry about it. Let her know how it makes you feel without criticizing her for choices in language.

Post # 4
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think there’s a good and bad way to approach that. I would gather all of your BMs together in the week before the wedding and give them a group speech. Just tell them you’ve got some some pretty conservative guests and you’re stressing out about it so you wanted to remind them to be careful about cursing. That way you can scapegoat a family member or something like “Oh my dad’s side of the family is super weird about cursing! They hear the word bitch and they have a heart attack!” 

Post # 5
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It’s not an unreasonable request but the fact that you feel the need to say something to her to me is crazy, not on your part.   Everyone knows that at weddings you have parents, grandparents,  sometimes great grandparents, kids and the everything should be kept PG13. 

I have a potty mouth at times but I know when not to use it.   I was asking me Fiance if I should put one of his friends on the guest list and he said he had to have a long talk with him first.  I asked about what, and he said about him smoking pot at the wedding.  I was like WTF if you have to have a conversation with him about that then nope he won’t be on the list

Post # 6
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s not unreasonable but I like the suggestion about saying it to all of your girls; personally I have a really foul mouth around my friends but not in public.  If we’re hanging out at someone’s house I’ll curse but I tend not to if I”m in a place where people are likely to get offended by it.  It’s very possible your friend knows to control her mouth at an event like a wedding.

Post # 7
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MsMonkey: This sounds like a good idea!

I think posing things as a group suggestion is the way to do it — singling people out is just asking for resentment and spite.

Post # 9
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

NOT AT ALL! I have the same problem with Future Sister-In-Law and luckily she has totally understood when I’ve asked her ahead of time to cool it around my family, etc. Hopefully, she understands your reasoning and is respectful. 

Post # 10
Member
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t know- to me it seems unreasonable. Basically because you are damning her even before she does anything. I would be insulted (even if it was in group email) that a bride felt she had to teach me how to behave in public!

Fair enough call to say something if she does start using foul language during one of the events but before is a little rude (since she technically hasn’t done anything).

Post # 11
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can curse with the best of them, but as a teacher, I have never (not once!) cursed or used foul language at school. When I enter that building it turns off.

I think having a talk is reasonable. I would just bring it up by saying “Sally, I know you sometimes curse, but I know that would make my guests uncomfortable. Do you think you could hold off for that day?”

Honestly, if someone knew me only outside of school they might assume that when I am passionate or angry or whatnot I curse. They have no idea that I CAN and DO turn it off. I would not be offended if they asked me to.

Post # 12
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think when you ask someone to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man, you get to dictate what dress they wear, and when/where they show up for events. That’s about it. Anything else, you take them as you find them, and don’t ask someone who isn’t the kind of person you want. 

Post # 13
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MsMonkey:  That’s a really good way to go about things!  Don’t single her out, but do make a point of telling them all together, even if the other girls haven’t said a bad word in their lives.

Post # 14
Hostess
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think if you approach it from a perspective outside of your wedding, and have a heart to heart about her behavior in public (gently of course), maybe you’ll get further than asking her just to think about it for your wedding…

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