(Closed) Would This Be Completely Inappropriate?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think I would be able not having a timeline in a relationship that I have been in for 8 years. When you do bring it up I would try to bring up the fact that you need to have at least an idea of when it is going to happen b/c  you may need to save for the wedding or the fact that some venues can have up to a 2 year waiting list.( examples) 

I would try to say something to light a fire under him, b/c if not he is just wasting your time.

Post # 4
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’d go crazy without some kind of timeline, so I would bring it up again.  By November you’ll have been quiet for seven months!  That’s more than enough time to surprise you, in my opinion.

ETA:  I just realized that was May 2011!  Girl, you are way calmer than I would be.  After eight years of being together and him having the ring mostly ready for over a year I’d be bouncing off the walls.  I would definitely have a conversation with him after the wedding (or sooner)!

Post # 5
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think the wedding you’re attending in October is the perfect excuse to bring it up (not that you need an excuse at this point – you must have the patience of a saint to wait that long! I am losing my sh*t at almost 6 yrs LOL)

Post # 6
1306 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, I don’t think I could have held out for 8 years.  Congrats on that!  If he told you he had a ring (almost) ready in May 2011.

For me personally, once Darling Husband started discussing marriage/rings, I expected it within 6 months (which I got).  I think I would have been devastated if he made me wait and wait and wait and wait…if you have the ring, why NOT propose!?

Edit – to be more helpful – if you are not engaged by the time this October wedding rolls around, I think then you should have a serious talk about his intentions.  Tell him that you won’t wait years for a ring.

Post # 7
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think saying something either before or after the wedding in October will be fine. I give you credit for keeping you cool with being with him for 8 years LOL. I’m losing my mind at 5!! I would just ask him ” If you really have the ring then what’s the hold up” I would be going crazy if my SO had it!

  Good luck!!

Post # 8
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t understand why you haven’t brought it up already, to be honest. It’s a decision you both get to make, and the wishes and timeline of both of you should be factored in. It’s been 8 years. You don’t need our permission to advance your relationship!

Post # 9
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Marriage is a decision made by both parties in the relationship. You should be able to have open, honest conversations about marriage whenever you need to. This should not be some big mystery that you are to be kept in the dark about.

You need to talk to him and listen to him, have a dialogue about life goals and timelines and solid plans for the future. Talk about values. let him know that you value marriage and want that level of commitment in your relationship, and find out if he feels the same. If he cannot/will not have these discussions with you, you’ll have some hard decisions to make. Good luck.

Post # 10
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@BadaBingBling:  I wouldn’t plan a time when you bring it up, but I would try to not bring it up. 🙂  So – that’s a no vote for November.  It sounds like you know he:

1) wants to get married

2) knows what kind of ring he wants to get you

3) really wants to surprise you

….the best thing you can do is to continue to focus on those things and let him think an engagement is the furthest thing from your mind!

Hang in there!!!!!!!  

Post # 12
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you’re an excellent candidate for Mr. Bee’s plan, if you aren’t already following it. Ordinarily, I’d suggest a conversation is in order, but you seem to be pretty secure in the fact that he does want this as badly as you do.

Maybe make some Engagement Chicken and see what happens? I’m at a loss for anything else to suggest, but I do certainly admire your fortitude for being able to hold out so long. You have the patience of a saint.

Post # 13
134 posts
Blushing bee

You’re being crazy patient! I pretty much bring it up every day…it’s so hard!! 

Plus my SO is leaving in less than two weeks (as you know) for 5 months, so it’s hard not to bring up.

I, too, don’t have a timeline 🙁  So I know how you feel. My bf said 2 years and that’s only because he doesn’t want me to know when AT ALL.

I’d bring it up again! It’s your future too!

Post # 14
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Damn – we’d be talking about that, you have way more patience than I do.  We also talk about everything.  I’d be the one who said something like “I know you want to surprise me, and I’m totally on board with that, but if it’s not before Christmas, I’m going to surprise you by moving on with my life.”

Post # 15
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@almostmrsj:  “I know you want to surprise me, and I’m totally on board with that, but if it’s not before Christmas, I’m going to surprise you by moving on with my life.”


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