Post # 1
My friend is currently with me so this is for her and she wants me to ask if this would be forgivable……..
Deep down she knows her Fiance wouldnt cheat, however, it has crossed her mind and is worried that under the influence of drink he wouldn’t be able to control himself after seeing how drunk he can get. He has a very big boys night coming up and this is a concern for her.
Without the drink he does casually look at other women and although she does feel uncomfortable she knows that its no big deal and once she did tell him he didnt actually realise he was looking. He can be quite flirty but not to the extent that something would happen.
With drink he is so different not really given any reason to believe he would cheat but if he is drunk and looking it could lead to more.
she wants advice if she is being paranoid?
If he did cheat under the influence of drink should it be forgiven? Stay and make him grovel or end the realationship cheating is cheating?
This topic was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Anonymous16.
Post # 2
I vote ‘other’.
I can’t tell someone what they should do. We all react differently to situations, so what might work for one person, wouldn’t work for another.
I, personally, think I could learn to forgive a drunken kiss, but anything more, drunk or sober, would be an automatic split. No excuses, no forgiving, I’d be gone.
Post # 3
I voted paranoid because this is all hypothetical…. if he actually cheats the answer is leave.
Drunk or not cheating is cheating. If he is that getting drunk that he doesnt know right from wrong i dont think cheating is the issue here.
Post # 4
I can’t really vote because my answer is really “it totally depends on the circumstances.”
Post # 5
I think there are TWO correct answers here…
1. She is being paranoid.
2. However, if he does cheat, leaving is definitely a reasonable option.
Why is she even worried about this when it hasn’t happened, though? She should cross that bridge if she comes to it rather than torturing herself with hypotheticals.
Post # 6
Agreed with KinkyOrange
. And adding that if she feels this insecure within the relationship, it’s not necessarily a healthy relationship.
Post # 7
Agree and then if he’s that “out of it” under the influence – then that also should be addressed.
Post # 8
Sounds like the guy has a drinking problem…. The girl is paranoid and insecure. There are clearly some trust issues going on. . Boy, its not a healthy situation no matter how you look at it.
Post # 9
You need an option for “this guy sounds like he has a drinking problem and your friend should be worried about the actual drinking problem more than the hypothetical cheating.”
Post # 10
If she can’t ever imagine him cheating and then has these doubts, I think she is paranoid. Many of us are guilty of thinking on the castastrophic scale once in a while but if the guy hasn’t given her concrete reasons for her to think he’ll cheat (which to me, honestly, what you’ve described sounds a lot like insecurity on her part), she needs to cool it. There’s nothing to worry about right now so she should just enjoy her relationship for what it is.
Post # 11
“Stay and make him grovel”? Seriously? That’s not how adults behave. Either try to move on (if it even does happen), or decide you can’t. Don’t play bullshit games.
I vote “Don’t stay with someone you obviously don’t trust”.
Post # 12
If he is a totally different person to the point he would cheat when drinking then he shouldn’t be deinking, or she shouldn’t be with him.
Post # 13
I think that’s a pretty far jump to make based on his drinking habits. Far more things could go wrong (fighting, DUI, getting hurt, etc.) Personally, I’d be more concerned that he drinks himself into a stupor that I would about hypothetical cheating.
Post # 14
I think your friend is overthinking this…
Post # 15
She’s engaged to someone already planning what she should do if he cheats?
What? There are two ways I see this, given the limited info.
*If the guy is really a drunk and a womanizer, she needs to pick better men, not live her life worrying he will cheat.
*She’s overly jealous and paranoid and needs to work on herself before she has any business getting married.
*Jealousy and paranoia will drive men to do stupid things (and women).
Your friend is putting herself in a bad situation, whether its her fault or his.