(Closed) Would this be forgivable to you bees (POLL)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: advice for friend

    Shes being paranoid


    Stay but make him grovel

    Leave him cheating is cheating

  • Post # 2
    1436 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    Anonymous16:  I vote ‘other’.

    I can’t tell someone what they should do. We all react differently to situations, so what might work for one person, wouldn’t work for another.

    I, personally, think I could learn to forgive a drunken kiss, but anything more, drunk or sober, would be an automatic split. No excuses, no forgiving, I’d be gone.

    Post # 3
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I voted paranoid because this is all hypothetical…. if he actually cheats the answer is leave. 


    Drunk or not cheating is cheating. If he is that getting drunk that he doesnt know right from wrong i dont think cheating is the issue here. 

    Post # 4
    2908 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can’t really vote because my answer is really “it totally depends on the circumstances.”

    Post # 5
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I think there are TWO correct answers here…

    1. She is being paranoid.

    2. However, if he does cheat, leaving is definitely a reasonable option.

    Why is she even worried about this when it hasn’t happened, though? She should cross that bridge if she comes to it rather than torturing herself with hypotheticals.

    Post # 6
    999 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Agreed with 

    View original reply
    KinkyOrange. And adding that if she feels this insecure within the relationship, it’s not necessarily a healthy relationship. 

    Post # 7
    620 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    View original reply
    geneva2:  Agree and then if he’s that “out of it” under the influence – then that also should be addressed.  

    Post # 8
    2251 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Sounds like the guy has a drinking problem…. The girl is paranoid and insecure. There are clearly some trust issues going on. . Boy, its not a healthy situation no matter how you look at it.

    Post # 9
    7579 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You need an option for “this guy sounds like he has a drinking problem and your friend should be worried about the actual drinking problem more than the hypothetical cheating.”

    Post # 10
    3723 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    Anonymous16:  If she can’t ever imagine him cheating and then has these doubts, I think she is paranoid. Many of us are guilty of thinking on the castastrophic scale once in a while but if the guy hasn’t given her concrete reasons for her to think he’ll cheat (which to me, honestly, what you’ve described sounds a lot like insecurity on her part), she needs to cool it. There’s nothing to worry about right now so she should just enjoy her relationship for what it is.

    Post # 11
    4447 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    “Stay and make him grovel”? Seriously? That’s  not how adults behave. Either try to move on (if it even does happen), or decide you can’t. Don’t play bullshit games.

    I vote “Don’t stay with someone you obviously don’t trust”.

    Post # 12
    660 posts
    Busy bee

    If he is a totally different person to the point he would cheat when drinking then he shouldn’t be deinking, or she shouldn’t be with him.

    Post # 13
    1591 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I think that’s a pretty far jump to make based on his drinking habits. Far more things could go wrong (fighting, DUI, getting hurt, etc.) Personally, I’d be more concerned that he drinks himself into a stupor that I would about hypothetical cheating.

    Post # 14
    7650 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think your friend is overthinking this…

    Post # 15
    1305 posts
    Bumble bee

    She’s engaged to someone already planning what she should do if he cheats?

    What?  There are two ways I see this, given the limited info.

    *If the guy is really a drunk and a womanizer, she needs to pick better men, not live her life worrying he will cheat.

    *She’s overly jealous and paranoid and needs to work on herself before she has any business getting married.

    *Jealousy and paranoia will drive men to do stupid things (and women).  

    Your friend is putting herself in a bad situation, whether its her fault or his.

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