(Closed) Would this be rude?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude?
    yes : (51 votes)
    48 %
    no : (52 votes)
    49 %
    other: comment below : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    2541 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @swisea01:  ooo that’s a trciky one! I wouldn’t say it’s rude per say, but people might notice you have a mixed drink and order one thinking it was included. I think if everyone understands the bar setup then your golden! Or you could just be like me & not care either way- your the bride! you can drink whatever you please!

    Post # 4
    27 posts

    @BeckyS0:  I agree, I think that as long as your guests uderstand that they will have to pay for mixed drinks it will be fine. But unless you go around telling everyone, or have a very obvious sign that states only beer/wine is covered, I think most guests would see you carrying a mixed drink and assume it is included. 

    Post # 6
    6361 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’d drink what was included, not try to separate myself from my guests or create guest tiers.

    Post # 7
    7272 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @swisea01: I would skip getting a mixed drink to avoid confusion. It’s just one night. Have the wine like the rest of your guests. 

    Post # 8
    9918 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would either just drink whatever you’re offering your guests, or have one mixed drink (whatever your favorite is) available as part of the open bar.

    Post # 10
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Could you make a sign for the bar with what’s included, and then a note about what people can purchase if they want to? I understand the bartender is supposed to tell them that, but it saves both the bar and the guest a bit of discomfort if it’s stated in the open. And then you can drink whatever you want!

    Post # 11
    9956 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    Your best bet on this is to make a “pretty sign(s)” to put on the Bar so your Guests know what is and isn’t included

    I for one wouldn’t rely on the Bartender getting it right… which could cause potential embarrassment for your Guests

    (Here in Canada, a lot of us have some aspect of a Subsidized or Cash Bar… and there are always signage to that effect)

    And yes, it would be “considerate / polite” if you chose to drink off the Complimentary List… shows that you are NOT ABOVE drinking what you are offering your Guests.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 12
    8761 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    You are asking if it is rude to help yourself to hospitality that you are not offering your invited guests.   Cash bar is not acceptable at any  private, hosted event.  

    Post # 13
    710 posts
    Busy bee

    Not at all. You’re playing by the same rules as your guests.

    Out of consideration,you can make it clear to guests that cocktails are not included on the menu if provided and/or with a sign at the bar.

    The staff at your dinner location will help you out by fielding drink orders and eliminating confusion during service. You might touch base with then if it’ll ease your mind.

    Post # 14
    7272 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @swisea01:  Oh yes, also please make a sign. I went to a 60th birthday party at a restaurant and only wine was included. The waiters were supposed to tell people that liquor would be on their own but I heard someone order a cocktail at my table and they were not informed. The host ended up paying for about a dozen cocktails because they didn’t know who was told & who wasn’t since it all ended up on the tab!

    Post # 15
    1006 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you’re paying for the mixed drink just like them it should technically be fine- but people will probably assume you got it as a perk because you’re the host and that’s kind of awkward.  It’s also awkward to go up to the bar and be ready to order xx and then be told it’s not covered- and either have to change one’s order or cough up the cash and you walking around with a drink would make that situation more likely for guests.

    Agree with PP that you should either stick to wine or make your fav drink the night’s signature drink.  

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