Post # 1
My Finace and I have both decided to pick either three or four close friends/family members to serve as our BMs and GMs. I have picked my two sisters and my best friend. My Fiance has picked his two brothers and two good friends. That still leaves me one short. I really would like to has my fiance’s sister if she would be a bridesmaid. She and I have gotten really close over the past few months and she just got married, so she would be great to help me plan stuff, which she has already offered to help with. Also, my sisters and best friend do not live in the same city as me, so the amount of help they can offer is small.
My fiance’s sister lives here and could help me out a ton. Problem is, my fiance has two other sisters besides this one. One is only 13, but the other one is 21, two years younger than me. However, she and I just didn’t bond the same way I did with the other sister. Would it be rude of me to just ask his one sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, or would that obligate me into asking the other two siblings?
What do you all think??
Post # 3
I don’t think it would be rude at all. And you aren’t obligated to ask the other sisters. Think of it this way, if your best friend has sisters, would you feel obligated to make them BMs, or would you think it was okay.
Post # 4
Only ask those who are closest (in relationship) to you to be your bridesmaids. Just because your FH has female relatives does not obligate anyone to ask them to be bridesmaids, especially if you have no relationship with them. It’s not rude either.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t feel like you needed to ask the other two sisters. I think you pick the people you both want in the wedding. What does your Fin think?
Post # 6
I agree, not rude at all. It’s your day and you should have those around you that you want.
Post # 7
I don’t think it is rude either. If you are close to her and want her involved in the wedding and standing up with you and your Fiance, then ask away! I am sure she would be thrilled 🙂 You have no obligation to invite any of the sisters!
Post # 8
I’m w/ the majority, you’re not being rude at all. If you’re closest to her, hopefully the others will understand. Maybe, if you’re comfortable, you can have the other 2 sisters hand out programs, do a reading, guestbook attendant, etc.
Post # 9
I don’t think it’s being rude, but it all depends on how your fiance’s family would take it. I can see his family being insulted that one sister was singled out over the others, so discuss it with your fiance and ask him how you think his family would handle it.
Post # 10
I don’t think it would be rude, per se, but only you know how your FI’s family dynamics work. My DH’s family would not taken it well if I had only asked one of his sisters to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I’m sure other families wouldn’t care either way.
Post # 11
i have to disagree with most posters—while i DO think it depends on your FI’s family dynamics, i can tell you if i were a guest at your wedding i would find it really odd that you had only one sister involved, and i could see rumors starting. also, if i were one of his other sisters and was not asked, my feelings would be very hurt. (especially as the other two girls are young–13 and 21–they will probably not understand that you arent trying to hurt them)
i think it seems a bit unwise because there are too many feelings involved—you are bound to hurt someone.
Post # 12
I don’t think it would be rude at all, especially if you ask his other sister(s) to be involved in the wedding in another way. Most people understand that the bridal party is usually made up of people you’re really close to… good luck!!
Post # 13
Disclaimer, I didn’t read the other responses… but I think it’s totally not rude, but it would be advised to give them bigger roles like have the 21 year old be a speaker and the younger one be the guestbook person, or something like that. And be sure to mention them ALL in the program (or wherever you list the family, etc, and your thank you’s)
Post # 14
I think you would be asking for trouble. If you do not “get along” with the 21 y/o sister, and you ask the other sister to be in the wedding, you will have even bigger problems in the future.
Why not ask all three sisters to be involved? Personally, I feel that it is more important for family to be involved than friends. However, I do not know the whole situtation between you and his family…
Post # 15
I would be very careful about asking one sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and not the others. My SO’s ex-wife asked one sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and not the other, and the other sister STILL has not gotten over it. To the point where she was crying to her mother, worried that I would do the same thing. She felt very excluded, and very, very crushed by the ex’s decision. I urge you to think about how the other sisters might feel. No, they don’t have close relationships with you, but it doesn’t mean that their feelings won’t be hurt that they didn’t get chosen to participate in the wedding. Our hearts do have a way of overruling our heads, and although it may make perfect sense as to why you chose the one sister, they may have a hard time seeing it that way.
My BMs are all close friends of mine, and so as to avoid hurt feelings (on both sides) I am not including any family in the Bridal Party. Keeps it easy, and also ensures that I won’t have any judgmental eyes at the bachelorette party. We’re going to Vegas…and…um…that’s not something I’d want FSILs to be a part of.
Post # 16
I think that you are really asking for trouble if you include one of your FI’s sisters but not the other two. You shouldn’t feel forced to include the siblings of your Fiance if you aren’t close to them but once you beak into including the siblings, I think it is all or nothing.
Even though you aren’t intending to be, excluding the other two will come accross as hurtful. I would be very upset if I were one of the younger sisters given the senario you described.