(Closed) Would this be rude of me?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Personally I would ask all 3 sisters. I have a sister, and I’d be upset if she were asked to be in my bro’s wedding but not me. His sisters will be in your life forever, and they’ll always remember your wedding. 

Post # 18
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

You can do it, just be really really careful about what you say in front of the other sisters. My SIL only asked my oldest sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding to my brother and in front of my other sister & I she actually said “I wanted all my sisters to be my bridesmaids” Clearly meaning she didn’t consider us sisters. Either don’t talk about it at all OR give them another wedding related role like a reading.

Post # 19
Member
690 posts
Busy bee

While I think you *should* be able to do this without mortally offending anyone, it may not be the case.  If you do decide to ask her, make sure you ask the other sisters (at the same time) to be involved in some other aspect of your wedding. 

Post # 20
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I echo the sentiment that it depends on the family dynamics and that the younger girls may not understand your reasoning.  I think that you don’t necessarily need to have all three sisters as BMs, but could you include or acknowledge the other two sisters in some way?  I think that might go over better.

 

My oldest brother got married around the time I was turning 16.  My brother has one brother and one sister, and my sister-in-law has one brother and one sister.  They both included their siblings of the same gender in the bridal party.  My sister-in-law’s brother was an adult and probably understood this, but I didn’t, and it hurt my 16-year-old feelings.  Not enough to say anything or spend the wedding upset about it, but I definitely felt a jealous pang.  Her sister was the same age as me, so it wasn’t a question of age and I didn’t understand it.  Now I do, and it doesn’t bother me a bit, but it did nag me for a while.

Post # 21
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My fiance has three sisters too, and I am only having 1 as a bridesmaid. She is the closest in age to the two of us, and went to the same college, so I know her the best. I am having a really small bridal party (just her, one of my sisters, and my bff), so I don’t think his other sisters were hurt–after all, I wasn’t even having my older sister in the party! We are asking them if they want to do two of the readings, however.  

Post # 22
Member
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I only had one of my SIL’s in our wedding for the same reason! I was closest to her! I say go for it!

Post # 23
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

I agree with most of the other posts, I think it could get very messy. If you and your Future Mother-In-Law are close enough I would call and ask her opinion, chances are she knows best how her daughters would react and knowing her opinion could help as well.

Post # 24
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i think you should just ask the one sister you are close with to be a bridesmaid, but find other small roles for the younger sisters so they don’t feel entirely left out. they could do readings at the ceremony or you could have them be ushers (there’s no reason ushers have to be male).

Post # 25
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I really think you are not obligated to ask the sisters you are not close with.  13 is too young to be a bridesmaid, anyway.

Post # 26
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Personally, I don’t think it’s rude, but then again, like other posters have said, it’s pretty dependent on family dynamics.  Do you have any brothers that your Fiance isn’t asking?? That was 1 of our issues.. we’re having a big wedding party (7 on each side), and I have 3 brothers, and he has 1 sister.  I was originally including his sister, even though we’re not that close, from the start.  When I told my parents who my bridesmaids were, they asked if my Fiance was asking any of my brothers to be groomsmen.  I said no, because at the time, he wasn’t, and they seemed a little surprised & my dad seemed maybe even a little hurt, but let it go & didn’t make a big deal about it at all.

 

My Fiance kept asking me, “Are you SURE you want to have 7 BMs? That’s a lot of money spent on gifts etc…” and I told him I felt that I couldn’t cut anyone out of my group.  I had my only sister, his only sister, my best friend from high school, my 2 college roommates who I’m really close to, and my 2 best friends in grad school right now, who are actually here with me to be able to help with stuff if I need it.  I thought about it, and thought if he wanted to cut it down, and he wasn’t asking any of my brothers, I could just ask his sister to do a reading at the Mass instead of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, especially since she’s not the girly type to be crafty or really be into any of the DIY stuff I’m planning to do.

 

I asked Fiance if he thought his sister would be offended if i asked her to do a reading instead..he was kind of taken aback that all of a sudden I might be excluding his sister from the wedding party, but said she probably wouldnt care, but I might want to ask his mom for her opinion since she knows his sister better.  I have a very good relationship with his parents, so I went ahead & asked & his mom seemed very hurt at the idea that I wouldn’t ask his sister to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.. “He has but one sister, and of course we’d love to see both kids in the wedding party.”  To be honest, it kind of irritated me that she said that, because I was like well, my parents are paying for this, and they’d love to see their other kids in the wedding, too, but my FI’s not asking any of them…

 

Eventually I talked to him, & said I thought it’d be a nice gesture if he included 1 of my brothers, since I was including his sister.  I have 3 brothers, but he only asked the 1 he was closest to, which I think is totally appropriate. And we even have a big wedding party!

 

I think if you’re only having 4 & want to keep it small, and you already have 2 sisters and he has 3, you already can’t include all the sisters.  I think you could definitely ask the other sister to do a reading at the ceremony & have the youngest one be in charge of having guests sign the guestbook.  My mom’s cousin got married when I was about that age, 13 I think, and I’m pretty close to him, so he wanted to include me in the wedding somehow.. I was WAY excited at 13 at the prospect of getting to do the guestbook & be a part of the wedding.  If you don’t know his other 2 sisters that well, I don’t think you should feel obligated to ask them!

The topic ‘Would this be rude of me?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors