(Closed) Would this be Rude or Smart for us to do.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You could always do a table listing guest on it. That is what we are going to do in case anyone shows up. We are doing buffet so a few people one way or the other will nto break the bank.

If they are FI’s family then have him explain to them that you had to keep it small and he is very sorry but there are many people you wished to have there and couldn’t.

Post # 4
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@kventures: I would just address the situation with the offenders.  If someone says ‘oh can’t wait to see you at the wedding’ and you didn’t invite them just let them know there has been a misunderstanding, and that unfortunately you weren’t able to invite them. 

I think a bouncer is painting all your guests with the bad brush.  I have to go through screening (seems a little self important, even if you have your reasons) because other people are stupid.  Of course I am going to follow the rules, I am not a gauche, boor, but going through the screening seems you think I am.

Post # 5
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think I would have a bouncer.  Create a seating chart with each guests name on their chair.  That’ll discourage anyone from taking seats.  Let your Fiance handle his family.

Post # 6
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I definitely think you should address it with the presumptuous people–bouncing them at the door would probably burn some bridges and be stressful for you.

Post # 7
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Or better yet – let your Fiancé’s parents handle their family…this isn’t something you should be worrying about or dealing with at this stage in the game. 

Sorry that you are going through this!

Edit – just want to clarify that they should be dealing with this now – they need to talk to their family and explain the misunderstanding.  No bouncers, no worrying that these people are going to show up.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmm.. what if instead of escort cards, you do place cards and a seating chart instead? That way, any extra univited guests won’t be able to take the place of an invited guest. I think hiring a bouncer might make things more awkward than they need to be. From the way you’re explaining it, it doesn’t seem like you mind about the extras, you just don’t want anyone’s seat to be taken.

Post # 9
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

1. Talk to everyone who’s not invited but seems to think they are (or delegate someone closer to them to do it), and tell them you’re sorry if there was any confusion but you won’t be able to accommodate them at the wedding.

2. If you’re going to have a bouncer, then you need to be prepared not to let the crashers in, period. Letting them in on the condition they don’t steal anyone’s seat will backfire, big-time. Because once they’re in, I guarantee they’ll just go ahead and sit where they like. You’re not close to these people, you didn’t want them there in the first place, why would you reward them for being rude enough to just show up uninvited?

Post # 11
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think its rude, I just don’t think it is a good idea. I think your Fiance should just address it directly with the issue..how many family members have approached you/your fi about coming when not invited? 

Post # 13
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@kventures

His mom is close to them and refuses to speak with them to clear this one up?  I’d say it’s time for your fiance to have a serious chat with her and lay it on the line.  I’d be so pissed if my Mother-In-Law was doing that!

 

Post # 14
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We’re having our hostess (who happens to be a probation officer and licensed to carry a gun) be our “bouncer.”  She will have a list.  Everyone whose name is NOT on the list will have to wait outside until after the people who have RSVP’d have been seated.  That way I won’t be stuck paying for people who didn’t show up!

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