Post # 1
My fiancé and I will be having a “small wedding” our guest list will be of 85 ( granted I’m sure things happen and not everyone shows up) Although we are hoping and praying they do. However a couple of his distant family members ( that were not invited to the wedding) are now clamming ” they asked for the day off and are all excited to attend our wedding” mind you they didn’t get an invite and these are people I have never meet and my fiancé hasn’t seen in years. I want an organized wedding I have taken my time to create escort cards.. and collected vintage napkins for each person.. oh and we paid for chiavary chairs. So it’s not like any random can just attend get me? So my mom suggested that we get a “bouncer” at the door, a person that will make sure that everyone that is on the list gets a seat and those who decided to just “show up” will be let in but warned that since they didn’t have an invite the do not get to sit in anyone else’s seat. I can only imagine how humiliating that would be.. but then again why would you go to a wedding when you never received an invite is beyond me. So should we go ahead and do this or should we just let it be?! My big fear is that random will show up thinking they are entitled to be there and take the seats of those we actually want there :(. What to do??
Post # 3
You could always do a table listing guest on it. That is what we are going to do in case anyone shows up. We are doing buffet so a few people one way or the other will nto break the bank.
If they are FI’s family then have him explain to them that you had to keep it small and he is very sorry but there are many people you wished to have there and couldn’t.
Post # 4
@kventures: I would just address the situation with the offenders. If someone says ‘oh can’t wait to see you at the wedding’ and you didn’t invite them just let them know there has been a misunderstanding, and that unfortunately you weren’t able to invite them.
I think a bouncer is painting all your guests with the bad brush. I have to go through screening (seems a little self important, even if you have your reasons) because other people are stupid. Of course I am going to follow the rules, I am not a gauche, boor, but going through the screening seems you think I am.
Post # 5
I don’t think I would have a bouncer. Create a seating chart with each guests name on their chair. That’ll discourage anyone from taking seats. Let your Fiance handle his family.
Post # 6
I definitely think you should address it with the presumptuous people–bouncing them at the door would probably burn some bridges and be stressful for you.
Post # 7
Or better yet – let your Fiancé’s parents handle their family…this isn’t something you should be worrying about or dealing with at this stage in the game.
Sorry that you are going through this!
Edit – just want to clarify that they should be dealing with this now – they need to talk to their family and explain the misunderstanding. No bouncers, no worrying that these people are going to show up. Good luck!
Post # 8
Hmm.. what if instead of escort cards, you do place cards and a seating chart instead? That way, any extra univited guests won’t be able to take the place of an invited guest. I think hiring a bouncer might make things more awkward than they need to be. From the way you’re explaining it, it doesn’t seem like you mind about the extras, you just don’t want anyone’s seat to be taken.
Post # 9
1. Talk to everyone who’s not invited but seems to think they are (or delegate someone closer to them to do it), and tell them you’re sorry if there was any confusion but you won’t be able to accommodate them at the wedding.
2. If you’re going to have a bouncer, then you need to be prepared not to let the crashers in, period. Letting them in on the condition they don’t steal anyone’s seat will backfire, big-time. Because once they’re in, I guarantee they’ll just go ahead and sit where they like. You’re not close to these people, you didn’t want them there in the first place, why would you reward them for being rude enough to just show up uninvited?
Post # 10
@StormyRose: Yeah that only applies if your having a buffet I suppose. But we paid per person for a seating dinner. So if the show up they will either get no food or take someone elses plate :/
@andielovesj: Yeah i thought of that to I dont it to be like those lame clubs were you have to be on the “list”! But i figured that he can also work as the person that helps them find their table.. I was thinking that I would give him a list of names and what table they are seated so he can direct them to it??? lol i dont know im trying to find the best way to avoid the stress of people showing up without an invite 🙁
Post # 11
I don’t think its rude, I just don’t think it is a good idea. I think your Fiance should just address it directly with the issue..how many family members have approached you/your fi about coming when not invited?
Post # 12
@Catherine: This would have been great if i wasnt a week from my wedding and now i dont have the time/energy to start over and do something like this. And My fiance and I just heard about the “randoms” this week 🙁
He doenst have thier numbers.. he is not close to them at all.. His mom is and you would think that after we keep telling her that we are paying per/person and thats all the budget allowed etc she would pass the word along and let them know or atleast tell them to call my faince so he could handle it..
Post # 13
His mom is close to them and refuses to speak with them to clear this one up? I’d say it’s time for your fiance to have a serious chat with her and lay it on the line. I’d be so pissed if my Mother-In-Law was doing that!
Post # 14
We’re having our hostess (who happens to be a probation officer and licensed to carry a gun) be our “bouncer.” She will have a list. Everyone whose name is NOT on the list will have to wait outside until after the people who have RSVP’d have been seated. That way I won’t be stuck paying for people who didn’t show up!