(Closed) Would this be weird? :(

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Do you want to hang out with her? Or do you want to hang out with her so that it won’t be weird to ask her to be your BM?

Basically all of our friends are guys. 9 guys that we had to find “jobs,” 2 guys that are nice enough to sit out, and 3 girls. If it wasn’t for my best friend having such an awesome gf of 3 years who almost had to move last year, it’d be 2 girls. Im not upset that I have so many fewer friends than him bc it’s not true. He made most of these friends before we started dating but now they’re my friends too. It doesn’t matter to me that there will be more of “his friends” in the wedding bc I know everyone is going to be there for US.

(The fact that it would be uneven did bother me before but the girls on here helped me accept the fact that it’ll just have to be 3 to 5. 2 guys are going to do readings, one will play the ceremony music, and one is the officiant.)

Post # 17
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
honeybeebee2015:  Absolutely! My cousin and I were not particularly close, and she asked me to be her MOH! I was shocked but also honored, and although she was a bit of a difficult bride, I still had a great time and would certainly do it again!

Post # 18
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

I don’t understand the responses that say this would be a good opportunity for you two to *bond*. If you look at it as your bridesmads only responsiblity is to show up on time and wear the dress, then what is there to *bond* over?

Expecting that she is going to do a bunch of junk and attend a ton of events and *be there for you* in the form of endless phone calls/texts/social media posts/emails is a mistake. Her being a bridesmaid woudn’t give you anymore time or opportunity to *bond* then you have right now and to preusme otherwise will probably not turn out well.

I would think it’s strange if someone I was not terribly close to asked me to be a bridesmaid and used *it will give us something to bond over* as a selling point.

Post # 19
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee

I would ask her only if you are paying for everything. I would feel super awkward expecting someone with whom I am not particularly close to spend money on my wedding. But then again, I’m not particularly close with my cousin, but if she asked me to be her bridesmaid I’d be super excited and would be willing to pay for a dress (although probably not hair, makeup etc.).

I really think it’s ok to have an uneven number.

Post # 20
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Honestly I’m in the same boat with very few close friends… I think it depends on her personality.

For example, here’s my lineup: Maid/Matron of Honor is a friend I’ve known since preschool but who had lived 3h away for the past 3yrs so I’ve only seen her twice a year max. My next Bridesmaid or Best Man is someone I know from high school who I only really started hanging out with a few months ago on the merit that we both still live in this small town. The last Bridesmaid or Best Man is my cousin’s fiancée (will be his wife by the time my wedding happens). My cousin and I were always really close but we haven’t lived in the same town for 5 years, and I’ve probably met his fiancée in person less than 10 times. However, she’s a very upbeat and energetic person, and I knew she’d be excited and have a lot of fun as well as bringing a lot of fun to the wedding, so I asked her to be one. 

Obviously if you’re not as close they won’t have as much of a support role as the other bridesmaids… That’s how I see it anyways! 

Post # 21
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You could ask her and I do not find it weird. We wanted the two sides to be even, too. That is not why we asked certain people of course, but when we expanded the bridal party from 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man and a Maid/Matron of Honor to Maid/Matron of Honor + 2 BM’s we did use it as an excuse to ask my brother and he was happy to be in it. And your cousin will always be your cousin. You may or may not bond but it will probably also be something that your parents and her will like. 

Post # 22
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I think you should ask her and just make sure she knows you genuniely want her in the party but that you understand if she’d rather just be a guest because it’s going to be difficult to get a dress etc. I was asked somewhat last minute because my cousin didn’t expect me to be able to travel for the wedding. I was excited just to be able to go and be there and see her but it was way more fun being IN the wedding for mE so I was happy to fork out the extra money. 

Post # 23
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

If she’s being excited and helpful with your wedding I don’t see why not offer to make her role more “official.” Just let her know you’ll be cool with any answer she gives and if she says “no” don’t feel bad.

Post # 24
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
honeybeebee2015:  So you’d ask someone you’re not close to, to pay their real money and spend their time on your wedding, just because having 2 BMs doesn’t “feel right?” Yeah, no. Unless you are paying for everything for her, I’d say it’s insulting to ask someone to pay for the privilege of being your prop.

Post # 25
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I agree that it would be a great chance to bond with your cousin. You never know how close you guys will become over the wedding which willl mean a great new friend in the future

Post # 26
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I say go for it! It’ll be a great time to get even closer! If she wasn’t your cousin, I might be a little hesitant but since she’s related to you I think there’s no harm in asking!

Post # 27
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think you should ask her, and, from what you’ve written, it sounds as though she would be very happy and honored to be chosen. If she isn’t, she certainly has the option to decline and politely thank you for thinking of her.

Not all bridesmaids and groomsmen are chosen because they are the best friends of the bride or groom. Many people choose siblings and cousins, sisters- and brothers-in-law, and other friends either because they want to honor or include those individuals or to reach a certain number of attendants on each side so that the bridal party will be even. As others have noted, there is no reason the sides have to be even, but it’s not at all wrong of you to want them to be if you have someone you like who may be very happy to fill the role.

 

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