Post # 1
I need to know if this would be considered “weird”.
So, a few years ago I worked at this place and to be honest…I was a terrible employee. I was pretty much a POS person in general (I was going through a very self-destructive time in my life) just super selfish-no call no shows, showing up late everyday, not doing work…. I had one boss in particular who was close to my age and I am sure I made her life hell with just how unreliable of an employee I was-she was always having to pick up my slack. I feel terrible about it still!
So, recently I came across a newspaper article about my old boss and she has accomplished something pretty cool and I feel happy for her. Would it be weird if I found her on Facebook and messaged her something like: “Congrats on (insert accomplishment)…I am very happy for you! By the way I am so sorry for the kind of employee I was when we worked together. I was going through such a bad time and was so selfish” or would that be weird? I only worked at the place for a few months, but I still feel so bad. I was just an immature shithead.
Post # 2
sweetiemermaid : I do think it would be odd, and if I were her, I would assume you were feeling her out for a job. If you’ve grown and matured, I would just leave it be. I doubt your apology will mean much to her and looking her up on FB is kind of creeper imo.
Post # 3
Yup, that would be weird.
Post # 4
Yeah, I’d leave it. But if you ever ran into her in person you could say “hey saw you in the paper, congrats” or something to the effect.
Post # 5
Alright fair enough! Thanks bees!
Post # 6
Wow… I must be weird too, because I think it would be nice to receive a message like this!
I’m all for clearing the air and making amends, even in small ways.
Post # 7
I don’t think that would be weird at all, I think that would be really nice and she would really appreciate it. I was that same type of employee at my first job, made my manager’s life hell, and same thing; we ended up becoming friends on Facebook, talking, and although I never apologized she was really nice and we ended up kind of becoming social media friends.
Post # 8
I’m a boss and I’ve had some unreliable emloyeees that I actually still really have a good relationship with. I guess to me it depends how you interacted with that person while you worked for them.
Post # 9
In my opinion, it would be weird.
You’ve had no interaction with her since you left, and there is no reason to reach out that benefits her. You mean well, but in her shoes a person would naturally wonder ‘why is this person contacting me now, after all this time?’ You also missed the window of contacting her when you first saw the article – now you’ve been stewing on it, and you don’t even have her contact details, so you’d have to do a bunch of internet snooping to find her.
Ask yourself this: would you have apologized for your shifty behaviour if you hadn’t seen her success? Or did this come to mind only after you saw news about her?
Ultimately only you can decide what to do – but the fact that you are turning to this board for advice suggests you are hesitating enough not to do it.
Sometimes it’s good enough to recognize your shitty past behaviour, accept the lessons from that time in your life to be a better person, and move on.
Post # 10
You’re not that person anymore, she is not your friend. I suggest you move on, she has.
Just know that everyone goes through hard times, it’s your decision whether or not you bring it into work.
Post # 12
That’s very true. Unfortunately, every lesson in life I have learned it’s had to be the way hard-way (you can look at my post history to see that). But you are very right.
Post # 13
Daisy_Mae : I agree with this.
Sorry Bee, I know you mean well and major congrats on how far you’ve come – you should be proud of yourself for all you’ve accomplished since then. But the thing is 1. she only knows the ‘old you’ and will likely judge any contact from you according to her perception of this. And 2. a lot of former employees who reach out to an employer do want something- a job, a reference, networking etc. I know your heart’s in the right place, I’d just hate to see your good intentions shot down or misunderstood, I’d just let this go and chalk it up to a lesson learned.
Post # 14
It’s not weird. DO IT!!!
I had the same thing happening to me recently (me being the boss) and I really, really appreciated my former employee’s message. Sometimes people stick in your mind and you keep wondering if you could have motivated this person more or made a difference in any way so s/he could get their shit together.
It’s on social media. She likely recieves messenges from old colleagues or people she doesn’t even know all the time. It’s no weird. It’s just being nice and a decent human being. You could regret not doing it, I’m sure.
Plus: If this might affect your carreer in a positive way – there’s no harm done. You were being nice. You did a good thing. If a new opportunity arises from you being nice, so be it. You earned it.
(I have been lurking around here for a few years and just registered to tell you this. DO IT.)
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I would absolutely appreciate this if I was in a position of authority! Particularly because you don’t want anything from her except to congratulate her and apologize for being an ass back then. I once was an employee like you described, I was going through so much personally and didn’t know how to handle it all. I still feel guilty about it and if I had been close to any of my supervisors at the time, I would be tempted to reach out & apologize! I think this is a lovely sentiment!