Would this be weird?

posted 1 month ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
8819 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

sweetiemermaid :  I do think it would be odd, and if I were her, I would assume you were feeling her out for a job. If you’ve grown and matured, I would just leave it be. I doubt your apology will mean much to her and looking her up on FB is kind of creeper imo. 

Post # 3
Member
9663 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yup, that would be weird. 

Post # 4
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Yeah, I’d leave it. But if you ever ran into her in person you could say “hey saw you in the paper, congrats” or something to the effect. 

Post # 6
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

Wow… I must be weird too, because I think it would be nice to receive a message like this!

I’m all for clearing the air and making amends, even in small ways. 

Post # 7
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I don’t think that would be weird at all, I think that would be really nice and she would really appreciate it. I was that same type of employee at my first job, made my manager’s life hell, and same thing; we ended up becoming friends on Facebook, talking, and although I never apologized  she was really nice and we ended up kind of becoming social media friends.

Post # 8
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

I’m a boss and I’ve had some unreliable emloyeees that I actually still really have a good relationship with. I guess to me it depends how you interacted with that person while you worked for them. 

Post # 9
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

In my opinion, it would be weird.

You’ve had no interaction with her since you left, and there is no reason to reach out that benefits her. You mean well, but in her shoes a person would naturally wonder ‘why is this person contacting me now, after all this time?’ You also missed the window of contacting her when you first saw the article – now you’ve been stewing on it, and you don’t even have her contact details, so you’d have to do a bunch of internet snooping to find her.

Ask yourself this: would you have apologized for your shifty behaviour if you hadn’t seen her success? Or did this come to mind only after you saw news about her? 

Ultimately only you can decide what to do – but the fact that you are turning to this board for advice suggests you are hesitating enough not to do it. 

Sometimes it’s good enough to recognize your shitty past behaviour, accept the lessons from that time in your life to be a better person, and move on.

sweetiemermaid :  

Post # 10
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You’re not that person anymore, she is not your friend. I suggest you move on, she has. 

Just know that everyone goes through hard times, it’s your decision whether or not you bring it into work.

Post # 11
Member
12 posts
Newbee

Not weird, do it

Post # 13
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

Daisy_Mae :  I agree with this. 

Sorry Bee, I know you mean well and major congrats on how far you’ve come – you should be proud of yourself for all you’ve accomplished since then. But the thing is 1. she only knows the ‘old you’ and will likely judge any contact from you according to her perception of this. And 2. a lot of former employees who reach out to an employer do want something- a job, a reference, networking etc. I know your heart’s in the right place, I’d just hate to see your good intentions shot down or misunderstood, I’d just let this go and chalk it up to a lesson learned. 

Post # 14
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

It’s not weird. DO IT!!!

I had the same thing happening to me recently (me being the boss) and I really, really appreciated my former employee’s message. Sometimes people stick in your mind and you keep wondering if you could have motivated this person more or made a difference in any way so s/he could get their shit together. 

DO IT!!!

It’s on social media. She likely recieves messenges from old colleagues or people she doesn’t even know all the time. It’s no weird. It’s just being nice and a decent human being. You could regret not doing it, I’m sure.

 

Plus: If this might affect your carreer in a positive way – there’s no harm done. You were being nice. You did a good thing. If a new opportunity arises from you being nice, so be it. You earned it.

(I have been lurking around here for a few years and just registered to tell you this. DO IT.)

Post # 15
Member
3736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I would absolutely appreciate this if I was in a position of authority! Particularly because you don’t want anything from her except to congratulate her and apologize for being an ass back then. I once was an employee like you described, I was going through so much personally and didn’t know how to handle it all. I still feel guilty about it and if I had been close to any of my supervisors at the time, I would be tempted to reach out & apologize! I think this is a lovely sentiment!

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