Would this be weird?

posted 1 month ago in Beehive
Post # 16
Member
3379 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

If I were the boss I would absolutely be put off by this because I would assume you were just reaching out to butter me up before asking for a reference or just in case you need my reference in the near future. It would come off as inauthentic, particularly if you were as unreliable of an employee as you describe yourself to be.

I’m sorry, it sucks, but the reality is that anything she sees from or about you will be filtered through that lens. She has only ever known you as that person and will not automatically see you as the new you because you randomly acknowledge one time that you were a kinda crappy employee. 

Sometimes bridges are burnt and you’re better off just leaving them be and trying not to burn any more. 

Post # 17
Member
6150 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t think it would be weird to reach out, congratulate her and briefly acknowledge that you were a challenging employee and recognize the impact it had on her. As long as you keep it brief and don’t ask or expect anything in return.

I’ve had people follow up with me years after we’ve lost touch and I’ve also been someone to do it. It’s not that serious but it can offer a little bit of clarity and positivity.

Post # 18
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

I think it might nice to say a congrats! If it’ll help you move on and is part of your growth then do it. She either

1. Thinks it’s weird

2. Really appreciates it. 

I would change the apology part a bit. Maybe just say “say in the paper you got a promotion, huge congrats! I know you have earned it.” Or something. 

Post # 19
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I think it’s a lovely sentiment, but the wrong delivery. Can you do it on LinkedIn instead? I think Facebook is the wrong platform to do this. It would be more appropriate to connect with her on LinkedIn and message her through that.

Post # 20
Member
712 posts
Busy bee

sweetiemermaid :  

I’m a big believer in the healing power of an apology.

Even if she’s not ready to accept it now, she might one day. You are also showing that you are doing your bit to mend fences and make up for all the trouble you caused. It’s better than her possibly thinking you are still the same shitty person that you were before.

It takes a big person to apologise, and people know that, and as such, an apology can go a long way to healing things. I think it would also allow you to let go of whatever guilt you might still feel, knowing that you have at least done what you could to make it right.

Personally, I’m a big believer that, if you think you should apologise, you should. It never does any harm, and can mean a lot to the other person. It’s not creepy – and any case, if she thinks it is creepy or that you want something, that is her business, not yours.

Post # 21
Member
37 posts
Newbee

+1 on a LinkedIn message being more appropriate than a FB message.

Post # 22
Member
1886 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’d just say congrats and leave it at that. Excuses and apologies kind of taint the well wishes. 

Post # 23
Member
921 posts
Busy bee

Not weird if done on LinkeIn.

 

Very weird if done on Facebook. 

Post # 24
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

As a boss, I would say do not do this. You aren’t friends, have no contact after your work together, and you aren’t trying to reconnect. Let it go. 

Post # 25
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Eh, I think it would depend on what kind of person she is. Personally, it takes a lot to get to me, but if someone does enough to destroy my relationship with them, it’s usually for good. I don’t hold resentment for long, but the trust is gone. I tend to wish those people well but don’t have any desire to reconnect. I am a supervisor, and getting tough employees is just part of the lumps of the job. Getting an apology now would just make me feel awkward- I don’t want to really reconnect, but not replying would feel rude and even a little mean (and give off the impression that I am still mad, which is not true). So then I would feel obligated to respond. Ugh. I say let bygones be bygones, personally! But if you think *she* would appreciate it, that matters more. 

Post # 26
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee

It might be a bit weird, but does it matter? If she thinks it’s weird she can not respond and delete the message. If you havent seen her since then it is likely you won’t run into each other anyways.

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