(Closed) Would this bother you?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would this bother you?
    Yes- there is no reason to hold onto things from a prior relationship : (32 votes)
    24 %
    No- you sound insecure and jealous : (100 votes)
    76 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    489 posts
    Helper bee

    I dont think it would bother me. I mean if he goes into big reflections of their time together whenever he looks at it, then maybe. But otherwise if its just something nice then its not biggie.  My dad still had a piece of jewellery he gave to his first gf (she gave it back) and now I have it. Its just nice. And Fiance has some stuff from a previous serious relationship that I stumble across every now and then when Im tidying around where its kept. I honestly dont feel anything negative when I see it now (maybe only slightly 5 years ago).

    Id just leave it alone. You will be able to tell by his reaction to it if its going to be a problem.

    Post # 47
    Member
    6533 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    wouldn’t bother me at all. I’ve got an old t-shirt and some climbing gear from my exboyfriend.  There’s no way I’d just throw it in the trash – it’s expensive!  And if I had a fight with my sister, I’d still hang onto the paintings she’s made for me.  Although at the same time – if I had been gifted jewelry by an ex, I’d still wear it, too, assuming I liked it in the first place.  So we clearly have different perspectives on what to do when a relationship ends.  Me, I like to retain memories of my past, not throw them in the garbage and forget.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m a VERY jealous person, and that wouldn’t bother me. Then again, I have tons of stuff from exes, and while I generally don’t wear much of it, I still have it. 

    One question, and this is just a curious question, to those they say they get rid of everything from exes… what episode you do in the case of say a graduation ring? If an ex paid for it, would you keep it or get rid of it since it was from them? Again, just a question. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    futuremrsc2016:  …or even better…an animal! I have a dog and two turtles from two horrible exes.   I wouldn’t give them up for anything; they dont  remind me of what I went through, and my hubby adores them. 🙂 

    Post # 51
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    SunflowersInFL:  good point! I didn’t even think of that… AND I have four dogs, all related to an ex in some way (either they gave them to me or I got them with them) and the last one… my now Fiance adores her! I’m guessing the people commenting weren’t referring to these types of things but it can make you think… 

    Post # 52
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    It would bother me, but it is not you being jealous nor insecure. Say you don’t like it and replace it with something else.

    Post # 53
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee

    i wouldnt want it either. it wouldnt bother me in a jealous way, but like you i prefer the “youre dead to me, destroy all evidence route” after a relationship ends haha

    if youre looking for a good laugh, there is a really good episode of how i met your mother on this. the episode was called “stuff”

    Post # 54
    Member
    5161 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    This would not bother me at all. Both my husband and I had lives before we met, and that fact does not go away just because we did meet, nor do the things we accumulated – be they physical objects, experiences, or memories. I am not sure I can specifically tell you what specifically came from an ex or not these days, maybe some things, but we keep them as we enjoy them. I mean, much of our household items were purchased with exes for previous households we shared with them. We still sleep on a Tempurpedic he bought with his ex: it is a perfectly good bed!

    It sounds like a rather innocent painting, in any event. I am not a “burn and destroy it all” kind of person, whether things ended on “good terms” or not, because to me it seems a waste of not only items, but is discounting the experience you did have even it is now in the past. That past does not go away just because you burn some gifts anyway.

    Now I am also wondering if any of Picasso’s exes ever had to give away paintings from him when they got a new boyfriend, etc. Seems silly. I am definitely no Picasso but I have made artwork for exes in the past; I don’t really care if ultimately they gave it away to someone else who might enjoy it but I would find it a bit odd if they gave it away only as a new partner insisted. Yes, there were feelings behind the making and giving, that meant a lot at that time, but it is a past, a point in time – we broke up and moved on. It is paper and ink, it may be a memory of a past, but given all my exes have moved on as well with wives, children, etc, I hardly imagine they tie a lot of emotion to that paper and ink.

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee

    Maybe he just likes the painting and the fact that it was made for him. It doesn’t mean that he still thinks of his ex. Although I voted No, because I think personally I wouldn’t bother, I believe you need to talk to him about it, just let him know how you feel.

    Plus, do you like the painting itself (despite the fact it was made by his ex)? Would you like it hunging on your wall? That is something you should both decide.

     

    Edit: I just saw your update 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  annaven.
    Post # 56
    Member
    7851 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    futuremrsc2016:  I am def the type to get rid of all evidence relating to an ex. But a graduation ring (you mean a class ring?) is different…I think I would probably associate that more with my own accomplishment of graduating college than with the ex who paid for it, so I’d probably keep it.

    My last ex didn’t really ever get me much of anything lol so purging him wasn’t that hard. I had some photos and that was basically it. I held onto that stuff for a few months and then threw it out, which felt very therapeutic. Yes, I have a past, and my ex was a part of it, but I prefer to focus on how breaking up with him made me a stronger person, as opposed to looking at photos of us and waxing nostalgic about our time together. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    tiffanybruiser:  thats pretty much how I feel. And granted I have different feelings toward different exes. My last ex, I got rid of everything. I shredded pictures, threw out everything. Then with another (high school boyfriend) I still have some stuff around… granted some is stuff his mom helped him buy and she died of cancer while we were together and so some is more about her than him. 

    For me, it just depends on the ex and the item I guess. 

     

    Just curious how people felt about that 

    Post # 58
    Member
    3838 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Edited because I read the update 🙂 glad you make your peace with it OP! And yes, if he starts hanging it above your bed I think you can definitely speak up haha.

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