Would this bother you?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
472 posts
Helper bee

Maybe everyone calls her Sam and he just picked up on that. I really don’t think you have anything to be worried about if it’s just that. It really is your insecurities and I completely understand that, it’s just something you have to work on. I’m all for being open with your partner so you can bring it up to him and just tell him how you’re feeling. 

Post # 32
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you should consider counseling. And I genuinely don’t say that to be snarky. You’re making huge leaps here, and doing things that you know could sabotage trust in your marriage (snooping), and despite knowing It’s wrong, you are obsessing and unable to stop yourself.  To me, it sounds like you could benefit from talking to someone who can give you better coping skills.

Post # 33
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

concernedbee123 :  I’m sorry but you are overreacting by a ridiculous margin. Would you only call your coworker Dan/Danny instead of Daniel if you had a crush on him?

Samantha probably prefers to go by Sam, but she might not start out saying that with people she just met and probably asked everyone to call her Sam after they hung out as a group several times. The other woman in the group probably prefers to go by her full name instead of a shortened version of the name.

Honestly, the question of “Why are you calling Samantha Sam now?” would be really strange to me and make it clear that you have insecurity issues. Having said that, you are entitled to ask that if you wish…it’s not going to offend your SO and hopefully will put your mind at rest. If you do ask, let us know how it goes!

Post # 34
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You are injecting distrust into your relationship where it doesn’t need to be. You are seeking problems and conflict where there are none. You’re inviting negativity into your lives.

Your Darling Husband has been above board on his interactions with his coworkers, and I think to question him about the Samantha vs Sam would be an obvious showing of your insecurity. PPs have explained the numerous reasons why he may have started calling her Sam. I think you need to work on letting this go and moving beyond this rather than indulging your insecurities and questioning him about such an innocuous thing.

Post # 35
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I wanted to add another perspective. My name is Stephanie and everyone at work calls me that except this one person who calls me Steph. I hate Steph and I am not a Steph, I just have not pointed it out to them yet. Those that are closer to me know I prefer Stephanie.

Also, I think it’s weird how some people call people by other things. For instance a James is Jimmy to me because I knew him in a different setting first. It may have something to do with how they were first introduced.

I don’t think there’s any funny business going on here. Keep in mind we spend 40+ hours a week with these people that we work with.

Post # 37
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

concernedbee123 :  I really think you should address these issues with a trained therapist. This level of overreaction and insecurity is very unhealthy. For the sake of your relationship and your own sanity please look into counseling. 

Post # 39
458 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think there’s anything going on but it’s hard to be sure over the Internet.

However it concerns me that you can’t talk to your husband about how you are feeling.  Just explain you are worried and need a bit of reassurance.  You should have done this not go through his phone!

My husband would be upset to think I was worrying about something and not talking to him about it and certainly wouldn’t be angry with me for being daft.

Post # 40
127 posts
Blushing bee

My philosophy on life is I don’t care how dumb, inecure, or petty it is, if anything bothers me regarding my SO and another women, I simply ask him or tell him. In your case, I would probably say, “This is really dumb and insecure on my part, but it’s been bothering me. Why do you call Samantha by Sam now?” You shouldn’t feel that you have to ask us on here before having a simple conversation with him that would alleviate all your worry and stress. 

I agree with minimgonk, you need to talk to him and it’s concerning to me as well that you don’t feel like this is something you can bring up with him. 

Talk to him though, otherwise it’s just going to eat away at you. Imagine if you already had a conversation about it by now, you’d be feeling soooo much better! 🙂

Also, my SO is good friends with a lot of his female coworkers. He often goes to brunch with one of them on Sunday’s (I don’t enjoy the food, so I choose to stay at home), camps out at concerts with his female band friends, and has even traveled for work and shared hotel rooms (not beds though-obviously) with them. Some go by a nickname, some don’t. It is a reflection of the girl in his case, not the closeness of their relationship for the most part. 

Post # 41
1572 posts
Bumble bee

When I first started working at my new job people called me Francesca and as I got to know them better everyone now calls me fran or ‘france’ lol. Males and females. It means nothing more. I wouldn’t be worried about it but if you feel anxious about it you should just ask him. 

Post # 42
326 posts
Helper bee

Samantha is a long name and honestly she may just prefer to be called Sam. Hes not having a secret love affair with someone just because he calls her by a normal nickname. You really need to calm down and honestly if you keep acting jealous over a nonissue you’re going to lose him. 

Post # 43
85 posts
Worker bee

concernedbee123 :  Maybe other people in the group call her Sam for short and be default it just rubbed off on him and he says it in passing now without thinking. 

Post # 44
2 posts
  • Wedding: March 2018

I agree.  You need to examine just why you are so paranoid.  Trust is absolutely essential for a good relationship.  Be honest with your fiancee and express your concerns.

Post # 45
5949 posts
Bee Keeper

Sweetie, lots of us have our insecure moments- but not to this degree. Calling a co-worker by a perfectly normal shortened version of her name is such a non-issue, but you’ve been tormenting yourself over it. And you’ve already spoken to your best friend, you’ve already created an anon account to start a thread about it, but it doesn’t seem like your friend’s or the Bees’ responses have let you put this issue to rest.

There’s no shame in needing counselling OP, in fact IMO it’s very brave to acknowledge you need help and then seek it.  There shouldn’t be any stigma around mental health- if a part of you was hurting physically you’d go see a doctor. Your excessive fixation and insecurity over this isn’t healthy for you or your relationship and it’s getting in the way of your happiness, please take the advice several other Bees have already given and speak to a professional. 

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