Post # 1
A few weeks ago my brother called and told me that my 15 year old nieces homecoming is the same day as my wedding. She is a cheerleader and obviously has to cheer at the game on Friday night which is fine. He told me that if no one asked her to the dance she would definitely come to the wedding. Yes, it bothered me a little that they wouldn’t make her go to her aunts wedding, especially since her other aunt and cousins plus her grandfather will be there who she hasn’t seen for a few years. But who am I to tell them how to raise their children?
Cut to today and my sister finds out our niece won’t be there (she was asked to the dance last week by a boy she likes). I told my sister yes I’m upset she won’t be there but it’s not my place to tell them what to do. She then tells my brother in upset and he proceeds to tell me if I was upset I should have said something earlier. So now it’s my fault? Ugh
How would you react if you were in my position?
Post # 3
Unless I was super close with the niece, it wouldn’t bother me.
Post # 5
I would be annoyed, and would probably call my brother and speak to him directly and sort it out. Let him know you are not upset at him/his wife, just that you are dissapointed that his daughter won’t be there. Things like this always get out of control if they are not nipped in the bud right away.
Post # 7
Why are you so upset she won’t be there? Will you miss her? Or do you think your wedding is more important?
Post # 8
It wouldnt bother me either. She is young and to miss out on a dance with a guy she likes cant be mad at her for that.
Post # 9
She’s 15, to her this is priority. If it was a friend or an adult cousin doing something like this then I would be a little upset.
She’s just a kid, I don’t think she or her father are doing this to be mean.
I would let it go as to not cause drama.
Post # 10
I’d be a bit disappointed she wouldn’t be there, but I’d not be upset with her or her parents. Homecoming is a very big deal for a high school student and I’d not expect anyone to miss going just to attend my wedding.
Post # 11
I wouldnt care and would prefer my niece to do what makes her happy rather than be at my wedding pissed off because she is missing a “big life event” (which im sure homecoming is for her).
Post # 12
I think this all depends on family dynamic. In my family there would be no way that a direct niece would be missing her aunt’s wedding. That is close family and family always comes first. No question.
Just want to add that I wouldn’t be mad at my niece but would be irriated with my sibling/her parents for not making this family first expectation clear from the start. But if she had already made plans to go to the dance I would not want her to change that.
Post # 13
@Neva: My feelings exactly. When I was in high school back in the dinosaur ages, homecoming was THE big deal of the year – I would say bigger than prom at my school. It’s OK to feel disappointed but you will be so busy that you won’t even notice that she’s not there.
Post # 14
@Neva: Agreed. She’s young, and being asked to a dance by a boy you like is probably the most exciting thing in her world right now!! 🙂
I also agree with PP that if you had an issue with the plan, you should have told him straight up in the very beginning. Not a good idea to assume that anyone can read what you think is the right thing to do, whether they will agree with you or not. Just helps to avoid conflict and miscommunication.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I agree with everyone else… I was sooo dumb when I was a kid, I almost missed my brother’s graduation to see a band play for like, an hour. I’m so glad I didn’t, but when I was in high school it was like the world revolved around me and the things I wanted to do. Your neice is just being a silly teenager. At least the rest of your family will be there. It’s fine that you are upset but don’t let it bother you too much.
Post # 16
Unless I was extremely close to the niece then I don’t think it would bother me. She’s a teenager and in high school and homecoming is a HUGE deal to her – especially if she was asked out by a boy she likes! You might be a bit disappointed that she won’t be there, but I bet she’d be devastated if she was forced to skip homecoming and go to the wedding. She probably would sulk and not enjoy herself at the wedding because she’d be so focused on not being at homecoming with all her friends at the beginning of a new school year.
Priorities are different. Again, if you guys were incredibly close, then maybe it would be different, but if you’re only upset because she’s a relative and therefore should come then I think you need to back up a bit and try to come at it from her perspective.