(Closed) Would This Bother You? Husband Making Gift for another Woman

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would this bother you?
    No, you're crazy. : (21 votes)
    11 %
    Yes, it would bother me. : (172 votes)
    86 %
    Other, explained below. : (6 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    14495 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My husband is handy with metal and I would have been PISSED if I were in your shoes! Especially if I had made specific requests and he never made them. 

    Post # 4
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I can understand WHY you are upset…

    He actually makes something for this woman (and Husband)… but just gives you false hope that he’ll do the same for you.

    QUESTION – Is he doing this for FREE ?  Or is someone paying him for this ?

    Cause that might be part of the key.

    As the old saying goes, “The Shoemaker’s Children often are in need of new shoes”

    Another words, sometimes it is easier for us to get things done for others than it is to do for ourselves… especially so if “The Shoemaker” has to financial incentive in making those shoes.

    Sounds silly… but have you thought about “contracting” your Hubby to get the things you want / need, even if it is “token amount”  (You’d still come out miles ahead)

    I’ll buy the wood, if you’ll make me the Shoe Rack I’ve been wanting for the MB Closet

    Something perhaps to consider

    The difference between a Hobby and a Business Venture often can lie in what INSPIRES one.

    Doing something for pure joy is a Hobby… when it is a MUST DO, it is more of Business Thing…

    Your “Honey Do List” may look to him more like a Chore / Job, than a Hobby.

    Just saying.


    Post # 5
    1614 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Maybe it’s really for you and he just said that to not ruin the surprise? I’m sorry…but if it’s truly for another woman it’s inappropriatet to say the least.

    Post # 6
    6531 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Zhabeego:  this would bother me.

    not because its for another woman, but bc he makes things for everyone else except you and you are the most important person.

    Post # 7
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I’d be pissed.

    Post # 8
    5298 posts
    Bee Keeper

    This would bother me, too. I would feel very hurt in this same situation, so I don’t think you’re crazy.

    Would it help at all if you explained to your Darling Husband how much a handmade gift (showcasing his talents) would mean to you? Sometimes, when people are really good at something, they don’t put very much value on it. It’s like they think their talent is not important or valuable … or almost like they think “everyone can do it”. Maybe he doesn’t realize how beautiful his work is and how much more you would treasure it than something purchased.

    Post # 9
    1895 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Zhabeego:  is this friend paying him for this item? If yes, then no I would not be mad… But if your husband offered to make it for the wife then yep is be pretty pissed and hurt!

    Post # 11
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    @Zhabeego:  Uh, heck yeah it would bother me. Does this woman’s husband know about the gift? If I was the husband, I would be bothered as well.

    Handmade gifts are extra special as a labor of love. Why is he spending all this precious free time, laboring over making something for this woman? It would be one thing if he made such gifts for all friends and family but like you said, he hasn’t put in similar time and effort when you made specific requests for him to make things. Your wife should get the best of everything, imo. Like it would be the same gist if your husband got you like a pack of pens for Christmas but got his friend’s wife a cashmere scarf.

    Post # 13
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If it was a straight up gift for her/them… then yes, I would be a little miffed/jealous. It just “feels” wrong that he hasn’t ever made you anything.

    I also don’t understand why he ignores you when you ask him to make something for you either? He should just tell you “no” and that he has no plans of ever making it for you. 

    Post # 14
    1680 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Zhabeego:  that would defnitely hurt my feelings. my fiancé is very handy and makes me stuff all the time even without me asking.

    Post # 15
    5191 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @Zhabeego:  Honey, I hope this is the worst thing your husband ever does to you. Please let it go.

    Post # 16
    9687 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Zhabeego:  Hmmmmm.  I think this would bother me, too.  I’m trying to put myself in your place and think what I would do.  Try asking him how he’d feel if he were in your position. 

    Except make it about something that might make him think. 

    For example, say you’re a gourmet cook.  You love cooking and you cook as a hobby.  But you never cook him a meal.  You only prepare gourmet meals for friends and other people (as in trying to impress them with your skill, maybe that’s what he’s doing?).  Ask how he’d feel in that position, if you only cooked gourmet meals for other people, even if he specifically requested a certain special dish –  you said NO and served him canned soup or take out pizza instead.  Maybe if you get him to think about it that way he’ll see how his actions are like a slap in the face to you.

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