Would this bother you? New therapist seems to have elitist attitude

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: How would you react?
    Would not go back : (97 votes)
    80 %
    Would tell her how I felt and see how it goes from there : (15 votes)
    12 %
    Ignore it because these comments are a minor issue in the overall picture of therapy : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Have no problem with what she said : (7 votes)
    6 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 2
    9582 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Seems like she might have been just making conversation about the french doors/deck thing. Idk, its hard to tell not being there.

    Post # 3
    627 posts
    Busy bee

    You are doing the right thing. The point of the first session or two is to figure out if it’s a good fit. This does not seem like a good fit. Remember that she doesn’t have to be a “snob” for you to stop seeing her… just feeling like you don’t have the right connection is enough.

    It’s reasonable to send her a message thanking her for the sessions but explaining that you don’t think it’s the right fit. If she is a professional, you should be able to ask her for a referral if you need a hand finding another option.

    Post # 4
    469 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    If you have those feelings, then it’s best to not go back. Trust your gut and find someone that you can mesh with. This is going to be someone that learns the details of your thoughts and life. You want to be comfortable with them.

    Post # 5
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    And this is why it’s always important to ‘shop around’ for a therapist.

    Another person will hear those comments and think ‘thank you! She totally gets it/me!” But not you.

    Onto the next therapist Bee until you find someone who’s compatible with you!

    Post # 6
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee

    Either address it with your therapist or find a new one.


    I had something similar happen with our pre marital counselor and from the experience I gathered that when a therapist gives too many opinions, he/she no longer seems like an objective/safe ear.  

    I found myself “uh huh” ing quite a bit during the session bc personally I find that when somebody seems judgy or incompatible, I don’t really care to engage in honest conversation with them.

    Sounds dramatic, but think about it.  How likely would it be for you to avoid topics about money with this therapist Bc you feel like you know what she’ll say?



    Post # 7
    1365 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wouldn’t find that a good fit and wouldn’t want to continue therapy with that person. 

    Post # 8
    6170 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Buh-bye. Confidence and respect are important. Find a new therapist. 

    Post # 9
    1886 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I agree with happyowlbee – the point of these sessions is to see if she’s a good fit and if she’s saying things that irritate and make you uncomfortable, you’d be better off with someone else!

    Post # 10
    6246 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I agree that it doesn’t matter what the issue is, and you don’t need to have a reason: if you don’t feel a connection with the therapist, then move on. You already mentioned that the first few sessions were to get to know one another and decide whether it would be a good it. It isn’t. 

    Post # 11
    9485 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    It doesn’t really matter if it would bother anyone here. It clearly bothers you. I don’t see the point in wasting your time and hers by going back and talking about it. You shouldn’t have to talk to your therapist about issues you have with your therapist. I would just find someone new.

    Post # 12
    6283 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It’s a tricky one as I don’t think ‘yes men/women’ therapists are particularly helpful. To say they shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable is wishy washy to me. They need to make you feel uncomfortable at some points to move you off your shit and into a new thought process and inner understanding. 

    So if there’s an issue she’s addressing with you that requires her to play the devils advocate and you not like her in that moment then so be it. 

    I get the feeling this isn’t the case here though and it’s preventing you with connecting. 

    Post # 13
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Tell her how you feel and see how she reacts. Today I told my therapist he was being sexist because he asked if Darling Husband was the same age or older than me. Darling Husband happens to be younger than me. He agreed and apologized. Therapists are people too. 

    Post # 14
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I would address it with her, and then if she fails to adjust her thinking, move on and find someone new. I don’t know if you can access it in your area, but Planned Parenthood paired me up with an incredible social worker, who I have been with for more than a year. 

    Post # 15
    7923 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Not a good fit. I would find another therapist. 

    Leave a comment

    Find Amazing Vendors