Post # 1
OK, I know this isn’t as serious a problem as some that are discussed here, but still wondering how others would react.
Therapist told me, “People say they can’t afford things, but you can save for that.” (A deck on the back of my house). Then proceeded to tell me how much more elegant French doors out to a deck are instead of mere sliding doors.
I was explaining how I was trying to help a young relative who has struggled with college and is now considering going for an early childhood certificate. Therapist reacted by saying, “But that’s working in daaay–care.” Total disgust on her face as she said the word “daycare.” Then explained that no one could live in our state on a daycare worker’s salary. No way, absolutely not.
Just started seeing her and was using the first few sessions to see if we are a good fit. These comments make me feel like we aren’t because she seems accustomed to a certain lifestyle and unfamiliar with how the other half lives. Can’t afford the deck right now, and never even considered having the money to blow a hole through wall and put in those French doors, or even the far less desirable sliding doors. As for daycare workers, yes, the pay is low. But it seems all work deserves some respect, and for a young person whose struggling, it might not be a bad place to start or to stay. My dad was an auto mechanic and my mom worked in the kitchen of a nursing home.
How would you react?
Post # 2
Seems like she might have been just making conversation about the french doors/deck thing. Idk, its hard to tell not being there.
Post # 3
You are doing the right thing. The point of the first session or two is to figure out if it’s a good fit. This does not seem like a good fit. Remember that she doesn’t have to be a “snob” for you to stop seeing her… just feeling like you don’t have the right connection is enough.
It’s reasonable to send her a message thanking her for the sessions but explaining that you don’t think it’s the right fit. If she is a professional, you should be able to ask her for a referral if you need a hand finding another option.
Post # 4
If you have those feelings, then it’s best to not go back. Trust your gut and find someone that you can mesh with. This is going to be someone that learns the details of your thoughts and life. You want to be comfortable with them.
Post # 5
And this is why it’s always important to ‘shop around’ for a therapist.
Another person will hear those comments and think ‘thank you! She totally gets it/me!” But not you.
Onto the next therapist Bee until you find someone who’s compatible with you!
Post # 6
Either address it with your therapist or find a new one.
I had something similar happen with our pre marital counselor and from the experience I gathered that when a therapist gives too many opinions, he/she no longer seems like an objective/safe ear.
I found myself “uh huh” ing quite a bit during the session bc personally I find that when somebody seems judgy or incompatible, I don’t really care to engage in honest conversation with them.
Sounds dramatic, but think about it. How likely would it be for you to avoid topics about money with this therapist Bc you feel like you know what she’ll say?
Post # 7
I wouldn’t find that a good fit and wouldn’t want to continue therapy with that person.
Post # 8
Buh-bye. Confidence and respect are important. Find a new therapist.
Post # 9
I agree with happyowlbee – the point of these sessions is to see if she’s a good fit and if she’s saying things that irritate and make you uncomfortable, you’d be better off with someone else!
Post # 10
I agree that it doesn’t matter what the issue is, and you don’t need to have a reason: if you don’t feel a connection with the therapist, then move on. You already mentioned that the first few sessions were to get to know one another and decide whether it would be a good it. It isn’t.
Post # 11
It doesn’t really matter if it would bother anyone here. It clearly bothers you. I don’t see the point in wasting your time and hers by going back and talking about it. You shouldn’t have to talk to your therapist about issues you have with your therapist. I would just find someone new.
Post # 12
It’s a tricky one as I don’t think ‘yes men/women’ therapists are particularly helpful. To say they shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable is wishy washy to me. They need to make you feel uncomfortable at some points to move you off your shit and into a new thought process and inner understanding.
So if there’s an issue she’s addressing with you that requires her to play the devils advocate and you not like her in that moment then so be it.
I get the feeling this isn’t the case here though and it’s preventing you with connecting.
Post # 13
Tell her how you feel and see how she reacts. Today I told my therapist he was being sexist because he asked if Darling Husband was the same age or older than me. Darling Husband happens to be younger than me. He agreed and apologized. Therapists are people too.
Post # 14
I would address it with her, and then if she fails to adjust her thinking, move on and find someone new. I don’t know if you can access it in your area, but Planned Parenthood paired me up with an incredible social worker, who I have been with for more than a year.
Post # 15
Not a good fit. I would find another therapist.