(Closed) Would this Holiday in-law situation bother you?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: What do you make of this situation?
    I wouldn't think anything of it. : (19 votes)
    15 %
    It would bother me a little. : (44 votes)
    35 %
    It would bother me a lot. : (62 votes)
    49 %
    Other (please explain.) : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I can’t imagine my family or fiance’s not wanting us at the holidays! That’s really selfish of them :(.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    yeah seriously, I think that’s pretty rude to not include you, or at least think about what you guys are doing for the holidays.  Is there any reasoning you think that this is going on?

    Post # 5
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Yeah I do think that is very weird. Both my parents and my in-laws were almost fighting to have us attend their holiday festivities. LOL. We are doing Thanksgiving with his parents and Christmas with mine. My parents are going to my older sister’s house to spend Thanksgiving with her and her family, but they definitely made sure to let us know that we were included. I find it really odd that his family is behaving like that. I personally think the holidays are all about family and having as much family together as possible. Sorry you are dealing with this, hope everything gets worked out with both of your families!!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Our families are trying to plan around one another so we can celebrate with everyone. Granted we are 30 mins from in-laws and only 3 hrs from my parents, but we are seeing both for both holidays, despite being just married. And my Brother-In-Law and SIL are doing the same. I’d be very po’d to not get invitations from family.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m not sure you’ll be able to find innocent motives on this one :(. There’s no reason they couldn’t celebrate with you on Christmas Eve or a few days (weeks, whatever) before. 

    My grandmother likes her daughter a lot better than she likes her son, and it never really ‘gets better.’ If your Mother-In-Law is anything like her, it would be best to just start your own family traditions. I hate it when parents favor one child, and I’m so sorry that that’s happening to you!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1995 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    due to our schedule and Darling Husband working at the hospital we have been forced to celebrate alone this holiday season.  I wish it wasn’t so but we’ll live.  So will you.  It’s not ideal but make it special with you and friends!

    Post # 10
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    IF they live so far away from you, they probably just didn’t assume you’d be joining them, and if you haven’t made the effort to ask/mention that you were planing on coming, why would they assume?

    Have you done the holidays before as a couple? Were they usually spent with your family? What were past arrangements? Just because you are now married doesn’t mean they will change the way they plan for family holidays, they probably assumed it would be the same as last year.

    Also, I know in many families it can seem like mom/daughter relationship is treated better than mom/son, but in all fairness she probably talks to her mom more than he does, so she gets her plans and needs out there first.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I really like all of my In-laws and from what I know they all like me too, so I can’t easily imagine a situation where we would be left out. If my Mother-In-Law said that they planned on going to CA for the holidays to be with my Brother-In-Law (DH’s only sibling) I wouldn’t be offended at all, I would just assume it was their turn for some parental attention. And I know for sure we would be welcome also if we wanted to come, but not made to feel bad if we didn’t.

    Since it’s your DH’s family, if I were you I would encourage my Darling Husband to decide what he wanted to do and I’d just go along with it. Leaving out a sibling from holiday plans is like a crime against humanity, I would be really hurt if my sister hosted Tgiving and I wasn’t invited. but I would expect my Darling Husband to just support me in whatever decision I made and second how I felt about it. Hope that helps!

    Post # 13
    Member
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    This is totally the way our families work.  My husband and I haven’t been included in holiday plans with either of our families for a few years now.  My parents kinda make their plans themselves; if they want to come to our house for Thanksgiving they ask, but otherwise we just assume they’re going somewhere else/doing something else we aren’t included in.  My in-laws are about a 16 hour car ride from where we live, so it’s just assumed we aren’t spending the holidays with them, either.

    What have your in-laws done in the past?  Have they always included you or invited you in their holiday plans?  If so, it would seem a little weird they’re not including you this year…  Can you subtly hint that you’d like to see them over the holidays?  You could say something like, “Oh, we were really hoping to see you around Christmas.”  Maybe they just thought you two would like to be alone this year as your first Thanksgiving/Christmas married and they didn’t want to intrude.  🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would be royally pissed off, but then again, my family is big on getting together for holidays.  I can’t imagine a parent not making any effort to find out what their child is doing on Thanksgiving or Christmas or make any effort to invite them.

    Of course, from prior posts your Mother-In-Law sounds like a nightmare anyways.

    The topic ‘Would this Holiday in-law situation bother you?’ is closed to new replies.

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