Post # 1
One of my BMs will be getting engaged sometime soon, and I will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her wedding. Recently, she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in another wedding, where the bachelorette party was a weekend-long event in California (other side of the country from us). She loved it so much, and says it was one of the best weekends of her life, so she’ll probably go on a similar bachelorette weekend for her own wedding.
Something like this would probably be difficult for me to afford. Once I get a job, basically my entire paycheck will go toward paying off student loans. And I rarely buy myself clothes, so I would have a very hard time feeling okay spending money on a weekend-long party out of state. Would it make me a horrible Bridesmaid or Best Man if I didn’t go?
Post # 4
Just be honest with her. Let her know your situation, but that kind of event is not in the cards. She will either have the weekend she wants without you, or have something a little more low-key in town and include everyone. Chances are if you’re upfront & honest from the beginning, she’ll be pretty understanding 🙂
Post # 5
No, I think she would have to understand that not everyone can afford to take a trip like that. If she really wants you there she would at least have to help you pay for it.
Post # 6
Agree. Be honest and tell her NOW. Dont let her get her expectations up much higher.
Post # 7
No. And a true friend wouldn’t expect you to put yourself out for her wedding.
Post # 8
Nope. Stuff is expensive and not everyone can afford expensive things. That simple.
Post # 9
I agree with PP’s I would just let her know as soon as you can that you probably wouldn’t be able to afford something like that. But also let her know that you don’t want her to change plans because of you, because you don’t want her to think you’re trying to be difficult (I speak from experience!)
Post # 10
Absolutely not. Bridesmaids are not required to attend bachelorettes – its nice if they can, but especially if its a weekend away, brides need to understand that people have other financial and time committments.
Post # 11
Just tell her your situation. You could even offer the idea of doing a small local get together, like drinks or a brunch, in addition to the weekend. That way everyone gets to be involved and celebrate, and she won’t feel guilty if she chooses to do it and not all the BMs could attend.
Post # 12
@sweetpea87: Absolutely not. If a bride wants an expensive destination bachelorette party, she has to understand that not everyone will be able to afford that. And even if they can technically afford it, they may have other financial priorities and that doesn’t make them bad friends.
Post # 13
Nope, not a bad Bridesmaid or Best Man at all. I love the idea of it, but it’s just not practical for some people. I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a lifelong friend, and all of the other BMs are supposed to fly across the country to have a planning weekend with her. They’re going because their finances allow such a thing, and the bride understands that I can’t go because mine do not.