(Closed) Would this make you uncomfortable?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

If anything makes you uncomfortable you should be able to ask your husband about it. Confront him, talk about it and then hopefully you should be able to get some closure about it and move on.

Post # 4
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It wouldn’t bother me. If they are talking about bible study, there’s a lot of personal things that could come up in relation to that and talking about them cam make you feel really vulnerable.

 If he’s never given you a reason not to trust him, I wouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 5
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

BerryAnonymous:  I wouldn’t like it. And I have no infidelity baggage. I just wouldn’t like it. You’ll get lots of responses saying you’re being unreasonable and there’s nothing wrong with him having female friends, but my thought on it is, there’s no reason for it. He doesn’t need to be some other woman’s shoulder to cry on or her strength when she’s vulnerable. I guess what you do about it depends on your relationship and your husband. One time, I felt my husband was getting closer with a woman than I was comfortable with. We had one conversation about it and that resolved the issue. Because we had an open honest relationship, we were able to talk about it. And because my husband valued my feelings more than his friend’s (and more than the thrill of having some cute girl crushing on him) he distanced himself. If your husband is the same, it should be a simple matter of reminding him that he vowed to forsake all others. If he’s the type who needs to feel needed and/or likes the forbidden fruit aspect or whatever, it might be harder. Good luck.

Post # 7
Hostess
4033 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Everybody has different parameters in their relationship. Even if it wouldn’t bother me, it bothers YOU. And that is why you need to talk about it. Just be calm, bring it up, say it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t flip out, and he will probably keep it calm too. It’s not an end of the world situation, but definitely something that warrants discussion since it bugs you. 

Post # 8
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

BerryAnonymous:  If he’s your husband, you should be able to communicate your concerns. I wouldn’t accuse him of anything unless there’s evidence.  Just ask him about Amy. Maybe even having her over for dinner one night. 

Post # 9
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

There is such a thing as emotional/intellectual infidelity (which often cuts deeper than physical infidelity), and it sounds like this is exactly what your husband is doing.  Bottom line, if what he is doing is making you uncomfortable, you have the right to bring it up, and to expect honesty from him about it.  It doesn’t matter if you have trust issues you are working on or not, and it certainly doesn’t matter whether she is a coworker and attends his Bible study or not.  Your past struggles and her religious affiliations don’t matter.  If you’re upset, he needs to know, and the behavior needs to change.

I hope you find peace about this soon. Please keep us updated.

Post # 10
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m all for opposite gender friends. I’m very secure in my relationship and am not at all the jealous type.

BUT, this situation would bother me a lot. First of all, sending 5-6 texts in a row is just excessive for a casual conversation about work. Second, all the crap about “sleep well” and “such a good friend” with smiley faces just comes off very flirtatious. I wouldn’t text like that to my friends and wouldn’t expect my husband to either. And I certainly wouldn’t be texting someone else in a relationship in such a flirtatious manner.

The part that strikes me the most is about her being vulnerable with him, when it’s apparently hard for her to be that way with other friends. This means their friendship is somehow on a deeper level than her other friends. She feels even closer to him and more comfortable to share things with your husband than she does with friends or family. That’s a major red flag. Emotional connection on some deep level like this is a slippery slope to an emotional affair. And we know where that could lead…

I’d be speaking to him about this immediately. Even if he is oblivious to her actions, he needs to know that you are uncomfortable with that level of closeness between them.

Post # 11
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It wouldn’t bother me too much but I would kinda keep an eye out on his phone and their texts but that’s just me.

Post # 12
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t think this would bother me personally. I’ve been to Bible studies- when I was interested in learning about it. And some of the discussions got pretty heavy and people were very vulnerable! To the point where that made me uncomfortable. In the context you described it I would think it was some sort of religious experience that she was feeling vulnerable about.

But if it makes you uncomfortable- talk to your husband. If it’s something that isn’t fishy- he should have no problems explaining to you the context of those texts and any future ones that may come.

Post # 15
Member
843 posts
Busy bee

BerryAnonymous:  I’d be bothered by this too. Perhaps you can simply ask him what he and Amy were texting about. Hopefully he’ll be open and if he is (or even isn’t) it can open the door for you to tell him that you feel uncomfortable. 

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