(Closed) Would this make you uncomfortable?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t care for it. He can save the deep conversations and musings about spirituality for you. She can share with her SO, too. This just feels like a bit too much. 

Post # 33
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t have trust issues, and I have good male friends as well, but this does seem to be the beginnings of a very emotionally attached relationship — which I think may be playing with fire. It looks a bit too much like ‘temptation’ to me.

Post # 34
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes that would make me uncomfortable.  If she needs to talk to somebody, it ought to be another female not anyone husband. Same for him. Only because you do not want to take any chance of any kind of infidelity happening. I’ve never been to a bible study group where that kind of relationship was encouraged. 

Post # 35
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

And I would have texted her back and let her know that taking to my husband like that was inappropriate and I didn’t appreciate it. Then talk to your hubs about it. 

Post # 36
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know about your church, but in my church this kind of thing is heavily discouraged: single women or men partnering with married men/women.  I would not be happy if I were in your shoes. I trust my husband 150%, but I would not be OK wth him having that kind of relationship with another women.  Plenty of SINGLE MEN study the bible, let her find one.

Post # 37
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yeah, I don’t like this either.

I have some trust issues having been cheated on by my ex Fiance (to a coworker) and my boyfriend knows this.  We have talked at length about it and he has always said if there is anything I am worried about to come to him.

He has quite a few female friends and coworkers.  A couple of months ago I noticed he was having a lengthy text conversation with someone so I asked who it was.  He said it was a female friend of his from grad school, who I had met and knew they were still friends.  She was going through a “rough time” and was reaching out to him for advice.  Now obviously my situation is a bit different as he is my boyfriend and not husband, but something about it made me a bit nervous.  I told him that I may be overreacting, but due to my past, I just feel a bit insecure about this.  He immediately put the kabosh on the situation and said to her nicely that she needs to reach out to other people besides him.  Problem averted.

Conversely, my boyfriend was a bit surprised that I am still friends with a guy I dated last year (we have a big mutual group of friends) and he told me he is a bit insecure about it.  I agreed to only text in group texts, like if we’re all making plans, and we have never met to hang out one on one.  I too wanted him to feel like he can come to me with his insecurities too.

Of course you’re going to be a bit hypersensitive, but I think this bible school friend is dangerously close to crossing the line.  I would bring it up just like others have said.  I mean, he is your husband – you should be able to talk to him about anything!

I think this definitely needs to be nipped in the bud.  If he’s mad that you looked at his phone, I think that would set some red flags off for me and he’s way more involved than he’s admitting.

Post # 38
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

It would make me uncomfortable too, but I DO have trust issues hehe.  Been burned too many times.  Following this thread, I’m curious to see what happens.  Hugs to you.

Post # 39
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Nope. 

And I’m not a person with major trust issues–and frankly, it ultimately doesn’t matter whether your fears are “justified” or not because you’re his wife and this makes you uncomfortable (and it’s not like this is a random waitress patting him on the arm or something). 

If this were my husband, my problem with it wouldn’t be that I didn’ ttrust him, but rather something along the lines of …why can’t this girl find her own friends? I mean, seriously–maybe she likes your Darling Husband specifically BECAUSE she knows he’s married and therefore she doesn’t feel threatened or tempted or whatever, but in the end, my husband is not a surrogate boyfriend (or BFF) and you’ve gotta go find your emotional touchstone with someone who doesn’t already have familial responsibilities. Sorry, toots. Find your own study-buddy to say goodnight to. 

I think that you’re within your rights to just say that the relationship makes you uncomfortable and that you’d prefer it if they found other Bible study partners or limited their contact. 

Post # 40
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t think it’s cause for concern, but you should talk to your husband about feeling uncomfortable. 

Post # 43
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

BerryAnonymous:  It doesn’t matter what her being vulnerable was in regards to or with whom she is being vulnerable.  This make you uncomfortable, so you need to say something, and he needs to stop.  Stick to your convictions.

Post # 44
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It wouldn’t bother me but since it bothers you, you should talk to him. 

Post # 45
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2016

She’s reaching out, reaching out to someone unavailable. She’s aware of her actions and playing damsel in distress, that’s not a “friend”. That’s a mind game regardless if she knows it or not. Talk to your husband.

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