Post # 1
So, I found some emails on FI’s account this morning that make me feel a little weirded out.
Before I get slammed for snooping, let me say I was well within my rights to be in his email. I am in charge of paying bills and I was in there looking for an email that had an invoice for a check he has coming in. We have an open policy about this kind of stuff.
Anyway, as I was looking for the invoice email (they were in a folder labled for his work) I came across some saved emails between him and a woman that struck me as kind of odd. I have every intention of telling him about it, but I just want to know if I am overreacting.
The background is that Fiance does side work from home for an online company. It’s a total work from home gig. It’s similar to a Google rater job, where he evaluates search engine results. Anyway, this company has a chat room feature where all the people who work for them can convo about the job and what not. He typically does the work late at night when I am already in bed, because his regular job is a 2nd shift type schedule and he does not get home until around 1 am, or so. So he stays up for a while working when he gets home while winding down.
The emails were between him and a woman from that chat room. They were mainly about some drama in the chat room, and the job in general. Nothing big. But they had a very friendly air about them that made me feel like there were other exchanges prior to what I was seeing. He mentioned me and our relationship in one, and she mentioned her husband as well, but they weren’t overly personal. I just had a creepy feeling that there is more to this situation than he has clued me in on. Not necessarily between him and the woman – they are friendly for sure, but I don’t get the sense that it’s inappropriate- but this job situation in general. I had no clue he was spending so much time in the chat room. He’s mentioned it in passing here and there, but it’s a whole social interation in his life that’s much bigger than I knew it seems.
It just makes me feel weird. It’s kind of like if he were going out after work with coworker friends I had no knowledge of without telling me.
Post # 3
i think it’s kind of the same as if he had conversations with co-workers at work, but since he works at home, the co-workers are online. I wouldn’t worry about it!
Post # 4
i don’t think this is anything to worry about, and i agree that it’s just like having friends at work that you talk to. i especially wouldn’t worry because he mentions you and she mentions her husband. i know it probably feels weird that he hasn’t said anything to you, but he probably doesn’t feel the need to tell you about every conversation he has and doesn’t see it as anything but job-related friendship. that being said, if it’s really bothering you, you should bring it up to him (in a non-accusatory way, of course )
Post # 5
It doesn’t sound like you have anything to worry about. x
Post # 6
@Ms. Peach: I don’t mean this in a negative way, more of a thought in general. Does he know you come in here and share personal information?
It is essentially the same thing, and as you say – these emails / chats were not bad – just friendly. it is no big deal at all.
My two cents as a guy on here.
Post # 7
@Ms. Peach: i would mention it if it makes you feel bad. If you don’t it may eat at you but I have to agree that it’s probably the same as any at work convo’s that are had.
Post # 8
@meggyo: I totally agree! I’m sur eyou have convos with people at work all day and don’t tell Fiance every single one….I think this is a similar thing…..if he’s mentioning you then I REALLY don’t think you need to worry.
Post # 9
If he knows you have access to his email, then he would have deleted the messages if he thought they were innappropriate. The fact that they are out there in the open makes me believe that it’s innocent and there is no point questioning him about it.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t worry about it. My husband didn’t know for a while that I spent so much time on here, not b/c I was hiding something but just b/c I didn’t think he’d care. He probably just doesn’t want to bore you with his work stuff.
Post # 11
@confusedman: Excellent point. He does know I am on here, but I don’t give him blow by blow reports of everything.
Thanks to all of you for putting it into a rational perspective! I tend to react quickly, and shoot first and ask questions later.
Post # 12
I would talk to him about it , but doesnt seem like a red flag to me