(Closed) Would this upset you or are we overreacting?

posted 9 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee

Wow. I think you have a right to be unhappy – definately not what you had planned! But at the same time, what can be done about it now? Is it really worth causing a strain between you and your sister? Take it from someone who knows, your relationship with your sister is worth more than any dollar amount. But that’s my personal, totally biased opinion. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think you should definitely tell your sister what you are feeling.  It is clear that she did not do what you had asked and the cost was much more than what you agreed upon.  I doesn’t seem like much can be done now, but what she did was not right.  If it was a non-family member vendor, I’m sure you would say something to them as well.

Post # 5
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Wow. that’s horrible. I think sometimes people offer things to feel important to the situation. Like they played a big role. I know people who someitmes makes open-ended promises or says they can do things they really can’t. It’s frustrating. Especially when it’s a close relative or a friend.

I don’t know her intentions, they may have been good, but the fact that it looks like you spent over a grand (am I right?) on invitations that shouldn’t cost that much would upset me too! I agree with the above poster that your relationship is more important… so depending on how you think your sister would react if you brought this up to her, you may just want to bite the bullet and make sure not to trust her to do anything like that again. 

Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow yeah that would really tick me off! It’s a tough one, though, because it’s family. Personally I don’t think I would be capable of keeping my mouth shut if something like that happened, but then again I tend to run my mouth and get myself in trouble! Is your sister’s financial situation such that it would be reasonable to ask her to cover some of the unforseen expenses? It sucks you have to either cut corners now or go overbudget. Has she even said anything to you about the situation like, I don’t know, I’M SORRY?

Post # 7
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel

Sorry to hear about this!  Sounds like a sticky situation.  I would be upset as well.  Did your sister give you any explanation for why this happened?  I think it would be valid for you to express that you’re upset.  However, if you’re close to your sister, it might not be worth causing a huge rift or argument over this.  I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all, but to preserve your relationship, you might have to eat the expense, unfortunately.  Good luck with everything, and keep us posted on how everything works out! 

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

You should let your sister know that you’re upset with the unexpected expenses.  If you don’t get this off your chest it could bother you later on.  You’ll think about it everytime you adjust your wedding plans to make up for extra money you spent on invitations. 

I don’t think your sister will be surprised if you told her how you felt, because you enlist the help of family and friends to save money.  She might be too embarrassed to bring it up. 

Post # 9
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Like Alegna, I would be concerned about bad feelings between you and your sister down the line if you don’t at least address the fact that you’re upset by how this whole affair took place. As someone paying for my own wedding, I know exactly how difficult it is to come up with money we hadn’t put in our budget – money just doesn’t fall from the sky!

The bottom line here is that she knew what your budget was and made decisions anyway – without consulting you first. Sister or not, it wasn’t right of her to just spend your money that way without consulting you about it. Perhaps I am wrong, but I wonder if this is a big part of why it’s bothering you so much. I know if my sister did that – well-intentioned or not – I’d be very upset. 

That said, you know your sister better than anyone here and you know what your relationship with her is like. I think you need to decide if you can live with continuing to pretending like it doesn’t bother you for the sake of your relationship. Good luck and good thoughts coming your way!

Post # 10
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Definitely talk to your sister otherwise it’s just going to bother you. (It would bother me forever until I blurt it out some night five years from now and we get in a huge fight.) Maybe it would help to bring in another family member familiar with the situation. Either way, start by reminding her that you purchased $600 worth of paper (which seems pricey for just paper, if you ask me). See if she can ask her friend at the stationer to buy it back from you (I’m guessing she didn’t use it since the invitations were printed at the store). Or try to sell it yourself to recoup the cost.

I designed my invitations this year and my sister’s last year. There is no way I would have made my "design" cost more than what my sister had budgeted by not following through on a commitment. Wow. 

Post # 11
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Is all of this out of character for your sister? It sounds like she had personal reasons for wanting to do your invitations and then maybe got overwhelmed by the task, or by the expectations she put on herself for how they needed to turn out (after all, it’s her work and its a creative field).

That being said, I think you need to take some responsibility for how things turned out as well.  There are several points in your story where the brakes could have been put on this whole thing and different decisions could have been made.  But what’s done is done. 

I would only take the time to discuss your feelings with your sister if you have the type of relationship where she’s sensitive to your feelings and would hear where you’re coming from.  If however she usually behaves this way, then I wouldn’t bother, because it will only create tension ad make you upset that you didn’t get the type of response/comfort/resolution you wanted. 

So sorry lovey!

Post # 12
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

i am so sorry to hear about this! the least your sister could have done was to help cover the unforeseen expenses for you.  that is unfair.  i would say something to her if i were you, because it might continue to eat at you, even after your wedding has taken place.  my sister has been known to do unthoughtful things like this as well, (splurging on gifts for family members, unbeknownst to me, and then expecting me to pay for half of it at the last second, buying a bridesmaid dress for a friend’s wedding  (that she is a part of) that ended up getting cancelled/postpoined then getting mad at me bc i wouldnt purchase the dress from her for a future ball i MIGHT attend in 7 months…) yea, i have a strained relationship with my sister, but it seems to have been this way for as long as i remember. 

What i can say is that you are the only one who truly knows how your sister is, and whether or not you should say something, and (if so) how you should say it to her.  if she is a genuinely good person and usually looks out for you, and has your best interest in mind, i say let it roll off your back as one of those less than memorable events of your wedding planning and try to forgive her (even if she doesnt send an apology your way.) 

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