Post # 17
My Fiance will call me Girlfriend, Fiance and wife. So I wouldn’t put much stock in worrying with the title. Besides if she asked do you have a girlfriend, he does. You are a girlfriend.
And as far as the comment of there are a lot of girls that are going to be mad when they find out I’m getting married? I think he may just be bragging and trying to make you feel proud.
I would play it nice with him tonight when you talk to him. You’ll get more information out of him being casual rather then nagging.
Hang in there!
Post # 18
Both Mr. Spin and I have referred to each other as GF/BF instead of fiance(e) occasionally. He still does it even though we’ve been engaged for over a year now. ^_^ A lot of times I think it just slips out. And personally, having been hit on before by a guy while enaged, when the guy asked if I had a a boyfriend, I just automatically said yes, out of habit, and then didn’t want to prolong the conversation by explaining we were engaged. He found out I was taken and it wasn’t worth the effort to further clarify, even if technically I should have been specific. So I think it’s possible your Fiance may have felt something along these lines. He told her he was taken, it’s settled.
Also, is it possible that she was being flirtatious still when she called him a jerk, like "Aww, you jerk! 🙂 You’re off the market now."?
At any rate, I agree with the above posters who suggested a casual approach so he doesn’t feel like he needs to be defensive. Distance can be so hard and can lead to simple misunderstandings. Good luck!
Post # 19
Yeah – I would be mad. So what if there are going to be mad if they find out he’s getting married. That’s a pretty big detail I would be a bit P.O.’d about. It was bad enough he didnt say it to her but then he made the comment that there are plenty of girls who would be mad – WTF? You are the girl he should be concerned about not those other girls. Seriously, I would put him in his place about it at least this one time before i made a huge deal about it – but next time he’d get a "big deal" made out of it.
I get pissed sometimes when FH introduces me as his girlfriend (yes, I am but I am his fiancee) But I dont make a big deal because it’s random people we run into around town & I could care less about them. I have seen him make a huge point to tell people I am his fiancee & I love it! So I wont put him in the doghouse for a simple "label". But your situation is different – especially to a girl like that who might have her relationship priorities screwed up a bit – I’d make sure to put him in his place about it.
Post # 20
Talked to the future hubby and let him know that him not saying he was getting married bothered me. That I felt like he wanted to keep it secret. His response was:
1. I didn’t have to tell you, so obviously I didn’t think anything of it b/c I did.
2. I’m not cool like that with her to announce I’m getting married – I didn’t have to tell her I have a g/f (so g/f=fiance in his book I guess)
3. She doesn’t need to know what is going on in my life.
I just ended up saying – I know you love me but I guess I just needed reassurance that you weren’t trying to hide the fact we are getting married.
He laughed at me and said I need to stop over analyzing everything. Then goes on to tell me that the most recent picture he sent me with some Afghan soldiers – well the one next to him in the pic was killed yesterday – so least to say I felt like at total a$$ stressing over nothing.
Post # 21
You are under a lot of stress with him being gone, and it’s totally normal for that stress to seep over and make potentially minor things (like this) seem bigger (which it could have been, in some situations). I’m glad you were able to share your feelings with him and that he responded well, and that everything is ok between you now. He wouldn’t want you worrying about his feelings for you, obviously.
Post # 22
That is great that you can have open communication over this. Hopefully the time you guys spend apart will go quickly, because it sounds like it is very hard. Even if your feelings about these issue seem inconsequential when considering the big picture of his tour over there, it is still important to communicate because you don’t want to hold those types of feelings in and then have them explode or worse, lose trust in him when you don’t need to.
As for the calling fiance thing, I hardly ever call my Fiance my fiance too people, i just call him my boyfriend and just introduce him by his name. He does the same thing. I don’t like the word fiance, it sounds weird to me so whatever. That’s just my take on it, I feel like a dork calling him my Fiianceeeeee (like when you order a croissant and say it in a French accent).
Post # 23
I see where your’e coming from, I guess guys rationalize things differently than us. Once I got on DH’s case about something, only to find out there was a bombing a day before and he lost two men. Boy i felt bad.
It sounds like he just doesn’t want to tell this chick anything. In which case, why talk to her at all, right? At least that’s how women think =].
Chin up! Part of the job of being with someone who’s deployed is trying to keep a lot of "trivial" (ie not trivial, just not life and death) stuff to ourselves. It’s REALLY hard. But i often caught myself wanting to complain about my long day/bad dinner/feet hurt/it’s too hot when I realized he slept in a cot/always ate bad food/wore boots/120 in Iraq.
I’m not justifying it all, I"m just saying it’s a much different perspective and it’s hard to keep. Glad you said something though and it all worked out well!
Post # 24
I think it’s an ego thing…Sometimes men like to unknowingly "brag" about other girls having crushes on them, just to get a response out of us. Wierdos 🙂
Post # 25
@ejs4y8 – I totally relate – its so easy to complain when we are here but to think about what they go through, our life is a piece of cake.
He has definitley changed my perspective on things. For example, I’m a picky eater and usually would complain but now am greatful I have something to eat. He gave a little Afghani girl a pop tart and she had no idea what to do with it, till her father broke a piece and told her to eat it.
It definitely is hard being a military GF/FI/Wife, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world. But I’m glad I could be open and tell him how I feel and he does the same. Open communication is all we have now, especially being 1/2 a world away from each other.
Thanks to everyone for your advice and support.