(Closed) Would trying for a child directly after getting married be considered too soon?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: How long would you wait after getting married to try for a child?
    No time, getting married doesn't relate to having children. We're not living in the middle ages. : (45 votes)
    26 %
    Directly after marriage, it's the next step in the relationship. : (23 votes)
    14 %
    6 months, to settle into married life together. : (9 votes)
    5 %
    1 year, to enjoy eachother. : (46 votes)
    27 %
    2 years. : (25 votes)
    15 %
    5 years. : (11 votes)
    6 %
    6 years + : (11 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I have to have a conversation about this with my fiance…I am 30, and will be 31 when we are married.  So I want to start trying IMMEDIATELY.  Guys don’t have a similar anxiety about having kids ASAP…so we’ll see.  

     

    If I could rearrange my life, I’d have met my fiance when we were both five years younger, and made us just as mature as we were when we met, and then I wouldn’t have a problem waiting a bit after getting married!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1595 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We are going to wait but only because we are not in a place to have children yet!

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    1477 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m months away from 30 and my husband just turned 28. As of May 4 (our wedding night), we started trying. We assume it won’t happen right away, and it hasn’t yet.

    Post # 6
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    No. Everyone is different. Have a baby when you want a baby! Nobody else’s opinion matters at ALL. If your coworker thinks it’s too soon, who on earth cares? Your coworker is not having your baby, YOU are. Make your own decisions, and don’t worry about what’s “weird” vs “normal”. There is no normal!

    Post # 7
    Member
    218 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @mirabell35:  This.

     

    I agree, it is all about what is right for you and your husband. I voted 2 years because that it what seems right for us, but it doesn’t necessarily apply to anyone else. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1262 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2019

    I think it’s really up to you. If you’re ready for a baby, then go for it, but if you’re not, don’t feel pressured to have one right away.

    I wasn’t born until my parents had been married almost a decade, and I’m pretty grateful for it. When I was born they both had good jobs and a good living situation, and have been pretty reasonable and laid-back parents thus far.

    Post # 9
    Member
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Yep, it’s totally up to you.  We’re waiting a year because Darling Husband and I have trips we want to take.  We’re 33 and 34.  I’d wait even longer if it wasn’t for our ages.

    Post # 10
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    This depends on each individual couple. Darling Husband and I are both 26 (married at 25) and have no interest in having children for at least a few more years. We’ve been together for 7 years so there’s not much more about each other that we can learn, we just don’t want to rush into having kids before we’re really ready. We want to enjoy married life a bit before bringing someone else into the mix. However, just because it’s not right for us, doesn’t mean it’s not right for someone else. Our friends got pregnant 3 months after they married and had their first child 3 weeks after their first anniversary. That’s much too quick for me but I’m not raising their daughter, they are. It worked for them so who am I to judge? 

    Post # 11
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think it’s absolutely on an individual basis. Darling Husband and I had lived together for years, and we were really eager to start a family, so we started trying on our honeymoon. It was right for us (especially given the time it took us to get pregnant) but what’s right for us and our relationship isn’t necessarily what’s right for someone else’s. There’s not a hard and fast rule about it, nor should there be. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    There’s really no right answer to this question, so many factors are involved.  My Darling Husband and I actually started trying a couple of months before the wedding.  Took us 5 months, so we had a 2 week old on our one  year anniversary!  That was perfect for US though.  We’re both in our mid-thirties and want 2 kids so we needed to start crackin’! If we were ten years younger, however, we probably would’ve waited a couple of years to just enjoy being married first.

    Post # 13
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    well i don’t think there is a “right” time to have children after marriage. I have a family member who started trying right after the wedding and fell pregnant with a quickness.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6830 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    As PP said it all depends on the couple.  Some couples wait some couples don’t.  It is all depending on if you are ready for a baby or not.  For example Darling Husband and I are in our 30’s.  When we went through our marriage counselling we both knew we wanted kids soon after we were married.  Now of course we didn’t even actually wait until we were married before I was pregnant.  Our son was an oops but a good oops.  I was 4 months along when we got married.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    1213 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @redorchid86:  I don’t think there’s necessarily a “grace period,” so long as you’ve been together long enough to have enjoyed each other’s company and you’re both in a place where you’re ready for that step. I think a lot of “modern” couples have already been together long enough (and/or lived together, etc.) by the time they’re married, so they are in a position where they feel comfortable starting their families shortly after marriage.  

    Basically all of our friends got married around the same time as us and they all started TTC shortly after their weddings. Three of them are preggo and the last couple is unfortunately having trouble TTC. The girls are all about 27+ years old and most of them want larger families.

    For us personally, we don’t plan to TTC for about 4 more years. My husband is in a great place in his career, but I’m still in school and we have many personal and financial goals we’d like to reach before TTC. It took us a year to get a puppy and even that has been quite an experience haha so we aren’t in a rush. Also, not that it matters TOO much to us, but I think given the position we’re in (with me being in school still) our families would probably disapprove of us trying to start a family now.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My dad was born 11 months after my grandparents wed.  I was born 4 years after my parents wed.  I’m already 6 years older than my mom was when she had me and we aren’t trying yet.  I think we will start within a year (I am already 31) but we aren’t in a huge rush – we have stuff to get in order first. 

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