(Closed) Would u want to know if people didn't like your partner?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would u wanna know if people didn't like your partner
    No, I'd be too scared to know the truth : (2 votes)
    1 %
    No, it's not about them it's my relationship and I don't care what they think : (65 votes)
    41 %
    Yes . give me the reason and and it would change my views about my partner : (28 votes)
    18 %
    Yes , give me the reason but it would not change anything : (62 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3078 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    I would stay out of it,hopefully they’ll realizethey’re losers sooner than later. That’s what would always happen when my friends weredating a jerk, they knew they were jerks, but either were hoping they would revert back to their old nicer ways or just wanted time to end things when they were ready to. 

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    338 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would want to know if there was good reason. If someone knew that my SO had been unfaithful or if they had personally seen/heard him being verbally or physically abusive to me (or something to that effect) then yes I would want friends or family to step in and say something. However, if it was just personal opinion (like “I don’t like your SO because he’s a know-it-all”) then I think I’d rather people stay out of it.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    2654 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    For myself only…I’d want to know if, for whatever reason, I couldn’t see that I was being treated poorly. It took me a while to finally figure it out with ExH, and the AHA moment came from a totally stupid, joking conversation with people who didn’t even know him. I talked with a really good friend about it afterwards who was taken aback and responded, “Really? That’s all I would have needed to say for you to figure it out?!” That was a surprising and humbling moment. 

     

    However, I don’t know that I’d say anything to a friend or family member unless it was abusive. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d definitely want to know. Community and family are very important to me, so if people thought my fiance is a jerk, I’d definitely want to know and evaluate the situation. Luckily, when my fiance isn’t around, my family is always saying “I wish he were here!” and when I’m not there, his friends mention that they wish I could have come out for the evening. Those sorts of things were good evidence that I was making the right decision, beside the “just knowing” feeling!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2654 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @nearlymarriedlass:  Luckily it wasn’t that bad with ExH. He was just lazy and passive aggressive. That would suck to watch that happening to a friend, and I’m really impressed that you’ve been able to stop yourself from saying something. Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to control myself in your shoes and would be a complete bitch to him.

    Post # 10
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee

    I have had friends and family say they didn’t like a Boyfriend or Best Friend after him and I split. I would rather them tell me when they first had that thought. It may or may not have changed anything, but I prefer people that care about me to be honest and upfront.

    Post # 13
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’d want to know.  My family is important to me and I trust their opinion so if they had concerns about Darling Husband, I’d have wanted to know.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I’d want to know at the very beginning. Once it gets serious, you can’t say anything, once I’m truly in love, if you say something bad about my partner, I’ll choose him over you. If somebody said something about not liking my Darling Husband now, it’s likely I wouldn’t end up seeing them again, since I’ve made a promise to stick by him, and haven’t made a promise to stick by that person, lol

    Post # 15
    Member
    6360 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Only if I asked.

    If I’ve asked a question, I’m asking for the truth. Do you think I have such-and-such flaw? What do you really think of my FI? …And so on.

    Otherwise, I expect people to keep it to themselves. Obviously, if they’re telling me off out of frustration/hurt, that’s ok to do as well… if there is something coming between our friendship, let me know. Understand though that I may or may not agree, and when it’s unsolicited and I don’t agree, I may be offended. Take it seriously when you decide to give me criticism about me or my Fiance, when I haven’t asked. Don’t assume that telling me negative things about myself or my FI is going to come across neutrally.

    There are some people (some family members) who I have pointedly not asked what they think of my Fiance. It’s on purpose. I’m saying to them by not asking, “I have decided. I am expecting your support. If I wanted your opinion, I’d ask you, and I haven’t.”

    Post # 16
    Member
    559 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I just found out my friends don’t like my Fiance because they think he’s made me less fun and less outgoing.  They told me in really unpleasant ways, and now our friendships are pretty damn rocky — I don’t want to see them because frankly, they don’t approve of the engagement and I’m certain I’m going to hear again how I’m not fun anymore because I don’t want to go run around doing zany shit on weekends.  (Strangely, with a place of our own and not just a rented room to take care of, plus cats and graduate school and different hobbies than I used to have, I don’t have time for zany shit!)  So I’m on the fence.  I wish they would have said something earlier and in more constructive ways instead of like, sending nasty emails out of the blue and waiting until I was on a 5 hr car ride to tell me these things because, frankly, it tells me as much about my friends as it does my Fiance.  But on the other hand, I’m losing friendships over this, and that’s tough.  In the end, though, my parents’ good opinion of my Fiance and my closest, longest-standing girlfriends’ approval has been critical.  So it depends on the friends, their importance to you, and if you need their approval for your relationship or not.

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