(Closed) Would you be a stay at home WIFE not mom…if you could?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 197
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Just ’cause you asked — no (for me) to being a stay-at-home wife; yes to being a stay-at-home Mom and not because of what anybody would think or because of any particular stigma attached, but because I don’t think the wife part (without my career) would be nearly fulfilling enough for me.  In fact, I know it.

Post # 198
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d do it part time!  I could use a 20 or 30 hour work week with extra time to sleep in and run errands while cooking amazing food for my husband!

Post # 199
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have a hard time understanding why some working women are so incredibly judgemental of stay at home wives. I certainly don’t mean just on this board, I am a Stay-At-Home Wife and I get snarky comments on a weekly basis. So its not for you? Who cares! To each their own. I am a stay at home wife and both my fiance and I love it, and that is all that really matters. It’s really not a fair assumption that because one is a Stay-At-Home Wife they “sit at home all day” as many of you have put it.

Post # 200
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@sdbride2011: I totally agree! I don’t even (usually…there are times when it’s nice) enjoy being a housewife, but I am sick of being judged for it. I don’t just sit on my butt all day (or even half the day!) in front of the tv and I am sick to death of people assuming that I do.

Post # 201
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I especially find the “stuck at home all day” thing funny because my day knows no limits. I can do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it. That certainly wasn’t the case when I worked in an office 9-5.

Every person is different. I happen to love being able to do all the housework during the day, and having the evenings and weekends free with Fiance for whatever we want. Not folding laundry and vacuuming.

Post # 202
Member
4460 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I guess what I don’t understand is how can your house be so dirty that you need to clean it everyday? I seriously clean every Sunday and the rest of the week is spent just picking up. I don’t need 7 days a week to keep a house clean.

I guess I just don’t understand how some women are making it seem like they need a whole day every day to get everything done when I’m sitting here working a fulltime job with a 4 year old and my house stays perfect. (again, it could be the OCD/panic disorder)

Post # 203
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

@Miss Tattoo:

That’s what I wonder, as well.  Plus, we’re talking about no kids in this thread, too.  I work full time and go to school full time and we clean on Sunday and pick up during the week.  I can’t imagine what’s going on in a home that you would need 5 days a week to clean it or keep it clean.  It’s the same with ‘running errands’….unless you’re a bike messenger in your house how many ‘errands’ do you do all week?  Not being rude or snarky, I just am trying to fathom needing so much time to accomplish what I can on a Sunday morning.

ETA: Ok, hang on – I’m totally OCD, too so maybe you’re on to something, lol

Post # 204
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Miss Tattoo:  @luckyprincess: 

As a Stay-At-Home Wife I can assure you I do not spend all day everyday cleaning, thats just silly. I haven’t seen one person post on here that it takes them all week to do that, I apologize if I missed it. My house stays perfectly clean during the week as well and I really don’t need a full day to dedicate to it. I’ve stated before that I think its easier to not have the requirement of a job but it doesn’t mean that people who don’t do typical work don’t have other things that take up time or other responsibilities in place of a 9-5 job.

Post # 205
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

When I did my brief stint as a housewife, I was cleaning/doing chores for at least 4 hours a day.  Maybe that’s why being a Stay-At-Home Wife wasn’t the best career choice for me… 

Post # 206
Member
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Ms.Charleston Pearls: Amen sista! What do I do all day? Well. Let’s see. Today I’ve been planning two seperate baby showers for friends, so I’ve been dealing with details, emails, etc for that. I had to clean up the diningroom from the mess I’ve made related to those two showers. I’ve been attempting to tidy up the disaster that is our breakfast area/storage since we don’t have enough cupboard space. My sister and my mom have both called and they are chatty people, so I was trying to do things while talking to them, but my multitasking in that department isn’t so great some times 😉 I had to find, scan and email an item for DH. I might stop to have a bite to eat at some point. I’d really like to keep cleaning up the house that tend to accumulate “stuff” (we’re pilers, DH is far worse than me), oh and make some cookies for one of the showers. Then I have to meet a friend an hour away to help her bring her crib home from the store since her husband is away on a business trip. Yesterday I was out shopping all afternoon for the supplies for the two showers, took a friend who can’t drive to a meeting, and then took my Mother-In-Law shopping for new lamps. It’s busy, and maybe not the worst to deal with, but it’s nice to not have to freak out and do it all in a rush.

I loved the job I used to have, it was fantastic, but the company essentially closed down and that’s when I became a Stay-At-Home Wife. I’m equally happy doing this, if not more. So it’s not really a question of not wanting to work or not liking to work, I just want to do what makes me happy and what our lifestyle will accomodate. So, judge me if you will, but different strokes for different folks. Being a Stay-At-Home Wife isn’t hurting anyone, and DH and I are really happy and we’re in great financial shape. No harm no foul.

Post # 207
Member
5323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@lezlers: I never said I needed to stay home, and as a matter of a fact, I really loved my old job. I have days where I want to go out and get another job, and I have days where I’d much prefer to be here. I swing back and forth. And please, don’t call me a “kept woman”. I find that highly insulting.

Post # 208
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

@Ms.Charleston Pearls:

I just quickly went back to page 4 and 5 and counted 4 different posts talking about being able to spend all day cooking and cleaning….That’s the posts I was referring to.  I do love working, as I posted but of course I realize that other people find it easier to not work.  However, I don’t consider all of the cleaning, cooking, projects and errands I do at home to be work at all or in any sense of the word.  So no, I don’t consider that being a Stay-At-Home Wife is ‘working inside the home’ since I don’t consider cleaning up after yourself, washing your clothes, feeding yourself, etc. to be work, you know. 

And I realize that people that stay home fill their days but I don’t think you can assume that they are all volunteering at soup kitchens either.  Why do you think daytime talk shows like Oprah have such a high viewership?  Not being rude – I’m just saying there are plenty of people sitting at home tuning in to soap operas and talk shows all day.  Maybe the same amount that are out volunteering all day but I don’t proclaim to assume that either one is the majority.

Post # 209
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, this week with work I would do it in a heartbeat!  Sigh

Post # 210
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@lezlers: I don’t view it as judging, I see it as misunderstanding. I’m sure there is a multitude of women who have the view that yes they NEED to be home and they DO spend their days finding things to clean in order to occupy their time but there are also people, like myself that don’t but are still classified as SAHW’s.

I love to work, but I don’t need to get paid and therefore I don’t need a job. I honestly think I work harder than a lot of people who do have jobs, but because I don’t get paid thats seen as arrogant or terrible of me to say so I don’t voice that opinion much. Yes I have time for myself but there are lots of times when I don’t and I’m lucky that I have the option to make time.

I volunteer at the same hospital that could be paying me, I just thought it would be selfish of me to accept money when I didn’t need it and it meant that they could basically have two for one with me there. I also spend a vast majority of my “free” time working with local charities and organizations that if I had a job I wouldn’t be able to help with. So for me when I look at it would I rather spend my day working in order to make 60k a year? Or would my time be better spent helping raise half a million dollars for the Charleston Arts?

The only thing that I have and will continue to admit to is that being a Stay-At-Home Wife gives you options that you don’t get when you work. I don’t have to be afraid of getting fired or let go if I’m sick. I don’t have to worry about when I can schedule a doctors appointment or go on a trip. That I have no problem “admitting” to. I would never say I don’t like to work.

Post # 211
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally, I could never stay home.  I’m a full time pharmacy student (probably equates to 50-60 hours per week of studying, rotations, etc), volunteer every week (and I oversee student volunteers), have about 5 different projects going on for school/ volunteering at a time, handlle errands and most of the cooking and cleaning at home, and make time for my hobbies.  I also applied to an additional master’s level program that I will be doing in the fall on top of my regular pharmacy classes.  My husband works full time and takes classes full time, so he literally is not home to handle a lot of the day-to-day things that pop up.  Yeah, if I stayed at home, my house might be a bit more organized, but I don’t think that balances out everything else I am doing. 

After I graduate, I can’t imagine not working either.  I didn’t work this hard to get through 9-10 years of school to sit at home and tidying up the house.  Sometimes I feel like I do all of the things a Stay-At-Home Wife would do… plus everything else I have going on.

Edit: I also wanted to add that different people are of course in different positions in life.  I fully respect the individuals who truly donate their time to charities, etc.  I think that is equivalent to working.  I don’t understand the women (who I know in my personal life) that just stay home and clean, run errands and cook dinner.

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