(Closed) Would you be a stay at home WIFE not mom…if you could?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 212
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Miss Tattoo: I am not OCD and I am able to keep my house clean the same way that you do – I will have one block set aside on the weekends to do more “intense” cleaning like vacuuming, steam cleaning, and dusting but it’s really easy to just keep things picked up throughout the week.  If I stayed at home I bet the MOST amount of time I could spend cleaning would be about 45 minutes. 

Post # 213
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think some of the snarky remarks are from jealousy.  When my son was little, I hated not even having the option of being a Stay-At-Home Mom.  Nowadays it’s nearly impossible to be a Stay-At-Home Wife, add kids=more expences and it’s a real luxury.  I was use to working, going to school and related to the energizer bunny, so I couldn’t imagine staying home because I’d have too much time on my hands.  This was only because I was use to always being on the go, but once you try it, wether by choice or not, you realize how much you can actually do if you are a Stay-At-Home Wife, it’s like things manifest themselves!!  I’ve recently been forced to stay at home.  I had my career which I totaly loved and I even hated taking time off unless I had plans.  So you can imagine how I felt, however with my upcoming nuptials, I’m actually looking forward to it!!

My son is 17 so my being able to be a Stay-At-Home Wife will benefit him too.  My Fiance works crazy hours which vary day to day.  as a Stay-At-Home Wife I can get up with him, pack his lunch, coffee, etc and go back to bed.  It also means I can tend to what the house needs while he’s at work, at my own pace, since I no longer function at 100%.  It lets us have much more time together.  If you would have asked me this 10 years ago I would have nevr wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Wife, but things change.  If you have the ability, do it!  My only gripe is, if you stay home then your hubby shouldn’t be doing any chores other than maybe yardwork and stuff, he should find a hot meal everyday (leftovers on occassion are ok), and a very clean house. 

Post # 214
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

In a perfect world? I’d love to be a Stay-At-Home Wife. My Fiance loves working. He gets antsy on 3 day weekends, so he would never want to cut back or quit to be a SAHH. My don’t really like working. I don’t like my job. I would hate to think that just because I spent a lot of money getting an advanced degree that binds me to a life of this work regardless of whether I’m financially tied to it or not… how depressing! I don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone. I like staying home. I love time off. I do think I’d be “busy” because I’d find things to do to fill my time, but even if I didn’t– as long as Fiance and I were cool with it, who cares? 

Unfortunately I’ll never get to test this theory because I probably have more earning potential than my Fiance and I”ll never feel okay quitting when I COULD be making quite a bit of money.

Post # 215
3060 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Yes and no.  I love being home all the time – Sometimes I will take 3-4 days off in a row, and I love cleaning the house, getting organized, watching my favorite shows, going to the gym, etc.

If we didn’t need the money, yes, I would quit my job in a second.  However, I am working on getting a certification in the career I LOVE, which will allow me much more flexibility.

Ideally in the future, I can do most of my work from home. 

I don’t see a damn thing wrong with being a Stay-At-Home Wife.  Whatever makes you and your hubby happy, go for it!

Post # 216
4460 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrstobeeisme: No one is jealous. At least I’m not. Maybe I have been snarky, but I just don’t see what a Stay-At-Home Wife gets to do that I don’t do on a daily basis. Maybe they get to read more or talk on the phone for long hours or get to do volunteer work, but none of that is productive to me. Also, I don’t want to ask permission to spend money. I’m not 12. I hope no one finds that offensive and flags me to death. ^_^

Post # 217
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow.  I cannot believe some of the comments on here ladies.  I too am a Stay-At-Home Mom, and I enjoy it.  We have three babies; while the eldest is in elementary school, I have my two year and one year old home with me while my honey beats the streets and goes out to work.  I go to school in the evening when he gets home, because I am working on my second degree.  My days are spent with appointments, studying, doing homework, research papers, preparing meals, taking my eldest to and from school, and yes, I do clean up as well.  I find it wonderful that we are blessed without the burden of bills (cars are paid off, no credit card debt, etc), that I didn’t have to return to work after we had our last two babies.  It does sound like some may be jealous, I have friends that envy me, but, hey, that’s our relationship.  Oh, and I do have my own money (I’m an Air Force vet…hooorah!, and yes, the good ole Force pays for all of my education as well, and I made good investments before me and Fiance got together years ago), and I don’t need to ASK him for anything, we share our money….thats what its about.  When my kids are school age (all of them), I will work part time….but for now, I’m enjoying my life as is, and I’m loving it!!

Post # 218
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@PurpleQueenieT: This thread is discussing stay at home wives (in this case wives who do not have children.) Not stay at home moms ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 219
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

At first I would say YES I’d love to be a stay at home wife, but it’s probably because it’s always GO GO GO for me, but when I think deeper about it I would say no. Just because I would feel lazy and I’d HAVE to do something. There’s only so much cleaning, cooking and straightening up around the house you can do…I’d need something new and exciting. I’d have to at least get a part time job or be a full time student to fulfill my time. I am the type of person who can’t sleep in because I’ll feel guilty…like I’ve wasted the whole day…and LAZY!

Good topic ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 220
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011


Well alrighty then…I am a proud stay at home mommy and wife (to-be real soon), and I love it…. (but I thought it said moms too, but oh well….

Let the convo continue….but I will say this: If a woman chooses to stay at home with or without children, what’s the big deal?  To each their own….

I’m always on the dang tail end of a topic…shoot!!

Sorry ladies, PurpleQueenieT needs a dam drink, and a day off…I’m rushing off to my 5:30 and I overlooked the topic…

Post # 221
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have no problem admitting that I don’t enjoy work and would like to stay home just for the sheer pleasure of relaxing, going out to lunch, going to a yoga class, and then cooking dinner. I would probably spend half an hour picking up the house (but I’m definitely not OCD). I’d take a class here and there, art history or Spanish or children’s literature. Would life be perfect? Of course not. I’d be bored sometimes. We’d have less money. But there are always trade-offs, and I know which situation I’d prefer to be in. 

My fiance and I have joint savings and checking, and I promise you I would never “ask” him for money. He makes three times as much money as I do now, so if money were our power structure, so to speak, I would be pretty dependent. But I don’t view myself that way at all. I buy what I want to buy when I want to buy it, and we both discuss big ticket items before a purchase. That’s called a partnership, and I bring just as much to the table as him. It just doesn’t come in the form of cash.

I’m annoyed by what I perceive as a snarky tone from the posters who enjoy a 40 hour work week and have absolutely no problem getting all their other ducks in a row. I personally find it exhausting to work 8:30-5, commute to and from work, cook dinner, clean, go grocery shopping, plan a wedding, and care for two dogs. If you love your job and couldn’t imagine giving it up for more free time, that’s awesome! But why would it bother you if other women would prefer a more open schedule, no boss, and unlimited vacation time?

I think that sounds amazing Wink

Post # 222
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t ask my husband for money either. If I want something and we can afford it, I buy it.

I spend a good chunk of time a day cleaning because I do it all–dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, everything. DH does not do any housework except take out the garbage. I don’t expect him to since he works 40 plus hours a week. I’m also still on the job hunt, so that takes up a good bit of time every day.

Post # 223
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it is interesting that some people think a woman should have kids if she is staying home.  I actually know someone who had kids JUST so she didn’t have to work.  Yikes! 

Post # 224
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Miss Taco Night:

I loved this:

…I bring just as much to the table as him. It just doesn’t come in the form of cash.

Well-said! That IS what a partnership is all about.

Post # 226
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

PurpleQueenieT: No worries! There is so much info in all these threads its easy to get info jumbled, I do it all the time ๐Ÿ™‚

My reason for pointing this out to you, is that I know my opinion on stay at home moms vs. stay at home wives is very different (and I think other bees would agree too.) So I didn’t want you to think everyones response was directed at stay at home moms.

Personally, I think being a stay at home mom is a job, and is waaaay more work then a 40 hour a week job. My opinion on stay at home wives is just different ๐Ÿ™‚

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