- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
I always thought I would create my family through adoption.
My husband is adopted (knows nothing about birth parents) and it was EXTREMELY important to him to have children that were his biologically. He has a wonderful relationship with his family but to have “blood” relatives was so important to him.
This is the only way we will be having kids, if/when we decide we want them. Neither of us want children now, but we’ve discussed that in 10+ years that will probably change, and then adoption will be the route we go.
We are planning to adopt older children down the road. We’d like to have bio child(ren) first.
As an international adoptee, absolutely yes. It is often a long and hard road, but just the same for those that TTC, whether naturally or otherwise. Couples struggle with starting a family through conception for 2+ years, just as couples wait for a referral of a child for 2+ years. It’s just the same, to me.
Backstory: My parents had three miscarriages and 2 domestic adoptions fall through before I came home. They begged their agency for the quickest international program, got put with a country, and then got a call that I was ready if they wanted me, with possible minor disabilities due to premature birth (from another country). They said yes, never looked back. Also…I turned out totally normal… They then also adopted three more from my country, and we do not have any siblings that are biological to my parents.
Also, adopted children are “your own,” just FYI. That’s not really a PC term in the adoption community. Although I do use the phrase “given up,” which isn’t very PC either. The “your own” though is obviously negative if you’re the adopted one in the family, placing the child on the outside of the “club.”
Plus, pregnancy scares the daylights out of me. I’m 5′ and 90 lbs. I’m going to be on bedrest realz quick.
Fiance and I are CBC but we have discussed that in an alternate universe where we did want kids we would only ever adopt. We both feel very strongly that, for us, there is no good reason to have biological children when there are so many kids out there that need homes.
I would love to adopt, but FH doens’t really know if he’d want to.
If we can’t easily have our own children he may change his mind though. I am pretty persuassive.
In a heartbeat. I would not mind not having biological children, but FH would like a bio baby so we will try. I would also adopt a toddler or preschooler or adopt a sibling set
I have two beautiful nieces who were adopted from China.
We definitely would consider it if we were able to afford it (I believe Chinese adoptions run anywhere from $10,000 – $15,000, not including donation to the orphanage).
No, both my husband and I agreed that adoption is not for us. But I applaud those who do!
i discussed this with DH. he said he’d adopt if we couldnt have children, im not so sure.
its quite rare to get babies apparently and i dont know whether i could take on a kid with a history of physical/emotional abuse. or a baby thats suffering from drug withdrawal or FAS
like a pp said…maybe a private adoption with a drug tested mum. but honestly, i dont think its for me
Yes. And in my case — I take money to mean in terms of being able to afford to raise a child rather than fund an adoption. We wouldn’t do an international or private adoption. We would look to help a kid in the system.
My husband was adopted through the system. I think it’s wrong to assume that all kids in the system suffer from FAS, drug withdrawal, or RAD. Some just come from parents who can’t keep them.
We would also be prepared to take on the challenge of a slightly older kid. Some of these kids just need a break and a good home.
Probably, if we can’t have biological children. We’ve discussed a lot, and at this stage would be looking at healthy infants, which is difficult – I would struggle with older children, as we are unlikely to have the parenting skills to cope with the challenges an older child brings (frequently with special needs). This is not a never situation, more of a being realistic about our capabilities right now. I’ve worked with children with special needs for years, and my brother, who I used to be the live in caregiver of, has a disability. I am also a teacher, so have a fairly good idea of what it involves and we’re not ready for that at this stage (obviously if our bio child is born with special needs we cope).
I dont think I could do internationl adoption at this stage – I really like the idea of it, but there have been so many unethical practices in the industry over the past few years, that at this stage I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk.
This is controversial, and my opinion, not a judgment on other people: at the moment there are less healthy infants available than couples who want to adopt them. As a result, if I am able to have a child of my own, I will not be looking at adoption, because I feel like if another family would do just as good a job of raising the child, and there is no other way they are able to be parents, I would rather them have the child. This is not to take away the biological mothers choice, more that if I was fortunate enough to be a parent, I wouldn’t want to stand in ‘competition’ with someone who didn’t have that option any other way.
Yes! DH really desires a biological child but after that we will adopt any subsequent children.
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