(Closed) Would you adopt?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Would you adopt if you could not have a child that was genetically related to either you or SO?

    Yes, we would be open to any child who needed us.

    Yes, but we'd probably only do so if we could adopt an infant or toddler.

    No, adoption is not for us.

    Other (there's always an "other.")

  • Post # 32
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I think it’s a bit surprising. We talked a lot about this when we started talking about starting a family. We weren’t sure whether I’d be able to have a healthy baby or not, so we talked through the “what ifs?”  And it’s all still on the table because even though I got pregnant easily with a healthy baby this time around, there’s no guarantees for our future kids (and I’d really love to have 4 kids total).

    Our first preference would be to adopt rather than go through fertility treatments if we couldn’t conceive baby #2 the good old fasioned way.  It could be naive or ignorant– but I just don’t understand the “adoption isn’t for us” perspective. It’s expensive (more so than fertility treatments oftentimes from what I’ve researched), so I totally understand not adopting from a financial perspective.  And domestic adoption of a healthy infant or young child can be a long, drawn out, expensive, emotionally difficult process, so I also get that. And it’s easier to adopt a non-white or special needs child, and not everyone feels equipped to raise a child of another race or culture, or a special needs child, so I understand that perspective as well.  But not adopting solely because you want a biological child or no child at all? Maybe I’m missing something, but I don’t get it.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    View original reply
    @MissGreen: Agree.

    @OP: I am not surprised by the responses. I would adopt. I do also believe though that adoption isn’t just “the next step” in the infertility journey. I feel like people shouldn’t just adopt just to adopt. People should really know that they want to and really treat their adopted kids just like biological kids. I think adoption is really special and really cool, and I really feel like me and my husband were meant to adopt. But, if I didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t do it either. We do want biological kids too, but if that doesn’t happen naturally or with IUF (and even if it does), we would adopt because we love kids so much, doesn’t matter where they come from..and we are up for the challenge and expenses which as other PP have said are a big factor.

    Post # 34
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We desperately want children, and we’d prefer them to be biologically related to us, but we’ve talked about what we’d do if we can’t have them ourselves, and adoption is definitely something we’d both be very open to. We’ve also discussed the possibility of adopting even after we have one biological child. 

    My brother and SIL are planning on adopting. SIL had several miscarriages and 3 eptopic pregnancies, and has had to have both her fallopian tubes removed. In theory, they could still do IVF, but they feel that takes God out of the process, and that because they can’t have them on their own, they feel they weren’t meant to be biological parents. But they still want to be parents more than anything, and they feel that God is telling them that there is a child(ren) out there that needs them more. 

    ETA: We would adopt after we’ve exhausted every other possibility of having a biological child (at least for our first child). And I agree with 

    View original reply
    @Mrs.KMM:, we’d really prefer and infant or toddler. I’d like to be involved in every part of raising my children, from infancy to teething to teaching them to walk and so forth.

    Post # 35
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    View original reply
    @PitBulLover: feel exactly the same !

    Post # 36
    Member
    9024 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Adoption is something that should be taken seriously, its nothing like having your own child, so I perfectly understand if people are wary of adopting especially older children who may have memory of their birth parents. A lot of thought should be put into it.

    Post # 37
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I most likely would not adopt. I chose “other” because if someone I knew could not raise their children properly I would be more than willing to adopt them. Honestly, I would have a hard time forming a bond with a child I didn’t somehow know and it just wouldn’t be fair for the child. My fiance would be more than willing to adopt because he has that “gift” of being able to love all children whether he knows them or not. I sometimes get jealous of his ability to love but I realize that’s just not who I am. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    171 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m honestly not sure. I was adopted, and I’m generally all for adoption, but infertility treatments/surrogacy/adoption/etc. are all so expensive and oftentimes don’t work out. I’m not sure if I could handle the emotional/financial toll. Could I love and raise an adopted child well? I’d like to think so, but the process of getting to that point is overwhelming just to think about.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1369 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If DH and I find that we cannot have children, I’m not going to do fertility treatments – we’re going to move forward with adoption.

    Post # 40
    Member
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I’m adopted, so I’ve never really NOT considered it as an option.

    Post # 41
    Member
    5667 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If we decided we wanted kids at some point (as of right now neither of us have any desire to have children) adoption would be our first choice.

    Post # 42
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    All of the infertile couples I know have chosen dogs over adoption.  All of the couples I know who have adopted had no fertility issues.

    I would love to adopt any age, but DH would probably only be open to an infant/toddler.

    I think a reason that an infertile couple may choose not to adopt is that the adopted child may represent to them their feelings of being “broken” in a fundamental way.  Every time you look at that baby/child, you might think about how you are incapable of giving birth, which is something that really hurts and a lot of people don’t realize how traumatic it is.  I get why a couple would make that decision.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    DH and I trying to conceive naturally but we are both in our 40s so if it doesn’t happen this year, we will definitely adopt.  We agreed before we got married what our action plan would be because of our age. 

    I know several ppl who have adopted after having biological children.  This has really encouranged me to do the same.  One friend recently adopted a small child who is the same age of their grandkids.  A friend of a friend adopted after the death of their child.  We’re talking about doing the same but we’ll see.  We live in a very high cost state that taxes the HELL out of you.

    Post # 44
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I absolutely plan to adopt. It is something we are passionate about. We want to fill our house with children. We have discussed taking a sibling group as they have a harder time getting placed as well as as many kid God blesses us with.

    I am shocked at the attitudes in that group! If they had been left orphaned wouldn’t they want someone to open their hearts to them? Not all kids come out of broken homes even. When my friend died at 28 (her husband had died in an accident the year before) she left three orphaned children. I am so glad that they went to such a good home as she had no family to take them in. The couple they are with now are just perfect and have become friends with all of us to ensure the kids had access to memories of their mom.

    I grew up in a family where taking in kids was they accepted way of life and my family has adopted for eight generations now so that may strongly influence my outlook 🙂

    Post # 45
    Hostess
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    My mother was adopted and we have several other members of the family also adopted so yes I would say it is a viable option for me.

    That being said I have always been told of the emotional battles my various family members had to endure to adopt. I wonder if perhaps these women you talked with said no as they would want to avoid the potentially long and sometimes painful experience.

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would definitely adopt–I don’t think I could ever be happy if I wasn’t a mother some day, even if I have to adopt.  But I would require that the child I adopt be an infant–as young as possible.  Adopting a child even a few weeks old can be very traumatic to the child.  It completely disrupts the bonding process with its primary caregiver.  There are many heartbreaking stories of adoption gone wrong, most of them with older children.  I would want to be the parent of the child from the very beginning, if possible.

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