Post # 1
My good friend told me that their mom had a 50/50 chance of survival when having a second child, but the two parents still went ahead with a pregnancy because they wanted a second.
It seems to me that either:
1) the husband did not care much for his wife or her health
2) she got pregnant and then found out the risk and rather than abort they decided to chance it
I know that I would never let my partner risk death or serious health complications just to have a biological child. What about you all?
Post # 2
lauralaura123 : There is an almost infinite number of other explanations between the over-simplified “he doesn’t care” and the oddly specific other scenario. I can’t answer the poll because I don’t understand the concept of “letting” or “allowing” another grown adult do something. Also, is there any situation where having a child would result in health risks to a man? So it’s an especially odd question to be asking a site that is mostly women.
Post # 3
lauralaura123 : there are always risks with pregnancy. Nothing is risk-free and you can’t foresee everything. It’s a personal choice, no right or wrong. If someone wants a child badly enough they might be willing to risk everything. No judgement.
Post # 4
This is the WOMAN’s choice, no one else’s. No, as a spouse I wouldn’t want to see my partner risk their life (not that a man can really risk his life in a pregnancy), but it wouldn’t be my decision because they are an adult, capable of deciding those things and evaluating the risks on their own. Some people feel their lives wouldn’t be complete unless they had a biological child, and who am I to say they cannot attempt that?
Post # 5
It’s not the partners choice to make.
Post # 6
I don’t own my partner’s body so I think the word “allow” needs to be tossed right out the window…
Post # 7
Well I believe the situation is more of an actively participating to get pregnant vs. allow but whatever. As a woman I can only answer for my SO and no, he would shut down any talk of a baby if there were high risks involved. Of course childbirth is risky by nature but I am talking additional very severe risks on top of it. No way my SO would participate to get me pregnant in that situation.
Post # 8
My partner doesn “allow” me to do anything.
If my life was at risk, I would be the only one to make that call. If anyone else has even the smallest input, it means they have a sense of control over my motality and that’s just not ok.
Post # 9
It’s not a choice either of us would make. Especially for a second child. I would not risk a 50% chance of leaving my son without his mother. If we wanted more children we would look into adoption.
Whilst it is the woman’s body I think the partner should get a say in the decision and be heard. They will be the one left as a single parent if the worst happens.
Post # 10
Maybe I should reframe: would you still be having unprotected sex with your partner if you knew that pregnancy could result in their death, or other severe health issues?
Post # 11
It is the woman’s choice to undergo pregnancy. All pregnancy comes with risk.
I have a friend who, had she lived in another time or country would have died having her children. She is well aware of this fact as is her husband. She is catholic and will only use natural family planning.
She wanted a third baby, her husband didn’t want her to go through that again. They have decided not to have any more. She acknowledges that her hormonal brain wants a baby, but her logical brain agrees with her husband.
because of her religion they are technically having unprotected sexlauralaura123 :
Post # 12
Personally, I think someone has to be a little mentally unhinged to go ahead with a pregnancy that has a 50/50 shot of killing you. It’s pretty selfish to know that you’ll probably be leaving your so as a single parent, even worse if you already have kids that you’d be leaving behind. (My statement only applies if you live in a place with affordable/accessible/safe abortion) I also think that while it’s a completely stupid decision, it’s their stupid decision to make. Luckily, I’ll never be in that situation. Not only because I’m a straight woman who doesn’t want kids but because my so and I both know how fragile life is. We don’t knowingly put ourselves in high risk situations that could cut our lives with each other shorter than it has to be.
Post # 13
Either you’re pro choice or you’re not.
This would get a side eye; but it’s her decision, not yours. Not his.
Post # 14
I don’t feel we can “allow” anyone. They have their own power to choose. I would not want my spouse to make that choice, but ultimately it is their choice/life.
Post # 15
Mmm being the female I personally wouldn’t have a child if that was the risk and my husband wouldn’t want me to either. We would be happy with fur babies or exploring adoption.