Would you allow your partner to risk life to have child?

posted 7 months ago in Babies
  • poll: Would you allow your partner to risk death to have a child
    No way : (93 votes)
    89 %
    If they really really wanted to and there was no other way : (12 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    649 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    For context, I’m radically pro-choice. As in, abolish all anti-abortion laws pro-choice, because doctors and women can work together to figure out what’s right for them.

    This scenario has nothing to do with being pro-choice. Accidents happen, but as a whole, a couple should decide together re: kids, and if one doesn’t want any more, both should take measures to make sure that happens. While “allow” is a terrible word, I think it’d be absolutely bonkers to say “well, there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll be a single parent and our kids won’t have a mom, but sure, if you really want another baby, I’ll impregnante you because it’s your choice.” 

    Post # 17
    Member
    14976 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    What is the question was posed as “Would you force someone to terminate cause they may be risking their life?”  Does that sound any different than “allowing” someone to do something?

    Post # 18
    Member
    9638 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

     Why are we blaming this all on this husband again…?

    Post # 19
    Member
    5576 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    In the us, we have a habit of idolizing women who forgo cancer treatment in order to carry a pregnancy to term. Often we see the stories of a happy baby being born and mom dying shortly after leaving the baby and other children that were already born motherless.

    That idolization terrifies me. That was the woman’s choice. It should be the woman’s choice either way

    There would be a lot of considerations for me if I was faced with something like that, how far along I am in the pregnancy etc. It should be a choice

    I’m assuming your question is “would you try for a baby with your partner if your partner only had a 50% chance of surviving the pregnancy”

    Post # 20
    Member
    1742 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    I would not willingly get pregnant if it was a risk to my life. But all pregnancies can be risky without even knowing beforehand. Surely that’s more common than “oh btw before you try again remember you might die”. However, if I accidentally got pregnant knowing beforehand it could kill me, or if I have a risky pregnancy that may result in my death WITHOUT knowing beforehand, you can bet your little butt I’ll carry that baby full-term if I can, even if it kills me. My husband supports this choice, because we’ve talked about it.

    All TTC couples should have this conversation in my opinion. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    5576 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    megm1099 :  what if the baby won’t survive either? What if the pregnancy would kill you before the baby became viable?

    This is your choice, and I respect that, I’m just curious about that scenario and if it’s one you considered

    Post # 22
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee

    I wouldn’t be able to stop them but I sure as hell would discourage it.

    Post # 23
    Member
    8480 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    lauralaura123 :  if the husband doesn’t want another pregnancy then it is his choice to refuse unprotected sex with his wife to prevent having another child. If she’s already pregnant I believe it should be a discussion in a marriage, but ultimately it’s her choice whether to continue to term. Personally, I wouldn’t risk leaving my existing child motherless for another pregnancy that I knew in advance would be high risk. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee

    Personally, if the table was turned, and assuming we knew there was a 50% chance the pregnancy would end in death beforehand, I would be livid if my partners attitude was “it’s my body so it’s my choice.” I think while generally that’s a good position, if you are conceiving a human being with another person their voice for sure should matter. I find it absolutely bizarre to imply that it shouldn’t. I think the scenarios given by OP are off… obviously there could be many scenarios beyond those, but regardless, I would expect my partner to consider my standpoint and our other children. This isn’t a decision that only impacts the mother…it will have an effect on the whole family.

    Post # 25
    Member
    10068 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Maybe they wanna die, damn leave em alone.

    Post # 26
    Member
    807 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    I’m not sure what’s the point of the question. I really hope no one finds themselves in a scenario like this and, if they do, I wish them strength, space to make their own decision, as much knowledge about the different scenarios as is available, and as many options as are medically possible.

    In terms of what we have decided, we mutually agreed to prioritize the mother’s health. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    4534 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I feel like a lot of these answers are somewhat dismissive of the male partner (or non-pregnant female partner). A 50% chance of dying is also a 50% chance of their becoming a grieving single parent. I think they should get some say in the matter. I agree “allow” was a bad choice of words, but still, this is definitely a decision that needs to be made by both potential parents.

    However, Darling Husband and I would not take on this level of risk knowingly, and if any pregnancy would be that dangerous for me, we would take steps to ensure that I could not get pregnant – vasectomy, etc.).

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    1742 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    Sansa85 :  Oh definitely! It would depend on the situation. If the baby doesn’t have a damn brain or something, we would consider our options. Most times in that situation though, the baby just dies on its own early on in the pregnancy. If the baby’s made it to later in the pregnancy, I plan to do my best to carry it to full-term. Depends on the issue, the length of the pregnancy, and so many other things. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    lauralaura123 :  I think your #1 comment is a little unfair to say.  While my answer is absolutely no way, judging another couple for their decision isn’t my place.  I have a friend who almost died in childbirth with her 2nd child and had a high risk of the same issue happening if they chose to get pregnant again.  They felt strongly they should have a third child (they are religious and prayed about it) and chose to go forward with it.  They have been married for 22 years and never for a second would I doubt the husbands love towards his wife or the lack of concern for her health.  

    Post # 30
    Member
    6436 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It sounds like the wife knew the risks and wanted the child anyway.  Why are you laying the blame with the husband?

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