Would you allow your partner to risk life to have child?

posted 7 months ago in Babies
  • poll: Would you allow your partner to risk death to have a child
    No way : (93 votes)
    89 %
    If they really really wanted to and there was no other way : (12 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

    I would personally be devastated if my partner made a unilateral decision like this, but at the same time, there’s no “allowing” to it. It’s her body, her risk, her choice. If she wants to continue the pregnancy, she can. If she wants to end the pregnancy, she can do that too. No one can – or should try to – enforce their will on her. So I think “allowing” is the wrong question.

    Post # 32
    Member
    3915 posts
    Honey bee

    This is literally an episode of Chicago Fire.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2257 posts
    Buzzing bee

    lauralaura123 :  I’ve always told my partner that if I’m ever in labor and it’s me or the baby, he better pick me 💅🏽

    I was kinda joking, but also not really. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    1533 posts
    Bumble bee

    dianaj17 :  How is it not a choice?

    A woman can make a choice to terminate without her partner allowing it.  He might argue that it’s a selfish decision on her part, but it’s her decision.

    Why can a woman not make a choice to carry to term without her partner allowing it?  He might argue that it’s a selfish decision on her part, but it’s her decision.

    Either a woman can choose all of what happens to her reproductive organs or not.  

    In both cases, I keep my opinions to myself even if I disagree because it IS her body.

    Post # 35
    Member
    870 posts
    Busy bee

    If we’re talking about the decision pre pregnancy then the father should absolutely have a say as they should with any decision to purposefully get pregnant, health concerns or not. Both partners should  always be in agreement before ttc.

    If the woman is already pregnant that is a completely different question and something really personal and dependent on a lot of different factors. What are the specific medical concerns? What does her doctor say? How far along is she? Just to name a few.

    For me personally I would most likely not try to get pregnant if there was that high of a danger to my life. If I already had one kid I would for sure not be having more in that situation because I feel like I have an obligation to keep myself alive and healthy for the child I’ve already brought into this world and to my husband who would have to be a single parent. But that’s a little skewed for me because I don’t want a lot of kids anyways, might just be one a done so it’s not like I have this dream of multiple children to begin with. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    2086 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    lauralaura123 :  I wouldn’t personally risk it, if I had an issue that put me at high risk during pregnancy. There’s no point in risking my life to have a biogical child that there’s a 50% or whatever chance I won’t even get to raise, leaving the child motherless. I know my husband doesn’t want that either. If I had some sort of condition that meant pregnancy was exceptionally dangerous for me, I would get my tubes tied and pursue other methods of parenthood such as fostering, adoption, or surrogacy. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    bywater :  Because in this hypothetical, the husband (short of reproductive coercion) has to agree to have a baby in the first place. The situation, as laid out, is “wife has 50/50 chance of dying IF she has another baby, do you allow her to get pregnant?” Therefore, it’s not a pro-choice issue because there’s no already-existing pregnancy to either continue or terminate. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    1533 posts
    Bumble bee

    dianaj17 :  You’re saying that she doesn’t have the right to get pregnant?

    Post # 40
    Member
    2257 posts
    Buzzing bee

    bywater :  she has the right to get pregnant, but in order for her to do so, he’d have to consent to giving her the reproductive material that makes pregnancy possible…

    Post # 41
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    bywater :  uhhh, I’m saying that purposely getting pregnant is a joint decision for couples, and that if one unilaterally decides to get pregnant/impregnate the other without their knowledge, that’s reproductive coercion which is a form of sexual assault. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    852 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Yes, all pregnancies come with risks, but some people/couples know in advance that their risks are higher or definite. And yes, ultimately it is the woman’s decision but if you are in a couple you should be making choices together. I wouldn’t risk my life for a baby and I know my partner wouldn’t want me to.

    It was a big decision to continue with my last pregnancy, as we had lost two in the second trimester. It involved a cervical suture, and still a high risk of losing the baby. My partner was adamant that if there was any big risk to me then we wouldn’t go through with it. But we both agreed and luckily we have our little boy now. But it was a journey filled with emotional turmoil, lots of time in the hospital and we took a big financial hit.

    I guess my point is that both partners should get a say – I feel that if I were putting myself at risk in getting pregnant it would be fair for my partner to say he was not on board with that, and refuse any unprotected sex. Likewise I would not be pushed into risking my life because my partner wanted a child. It’s not always as simple as ‘her body, her rules’ when choices impact others so hugely.

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    1012 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    bywater :  She has the right to get pregnant,  just not with him if he doesn’t want to take that risk with her life.  

    Post # 44
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel

    lauralaura123 :  Yikes. If my partner even tried to not “let” me do anything, that would not fly. He could do whatever was in his power to not get me pregnant in the first place but if I became pregnant then there would be no way anyone but me would decide what I am doing to my body

    Post # 45
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel

    lauralaura123 :  I missed your update. I agree that it is within the father’s right to decide whether or not to get his wife pregnant but once she is/if she chooses to make that decision without him then it’s obviously not his decision (although he might have other decisions to make at that point!)

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