Post # 1
My Fiance wants all finances merged. I’m not comfortable with this. He does spend exessively, number one, and, number two, I make much more than he does. This means that my hard-earned money would often end up spent away for things that he wants and we don’t need, and I don’t think that’s fair. Am I selfish for feeling this way?
Post # 2
- Wedding: October 2016 - Waldorf Astoria, Orlando
I wouldn’t say you’re selfish for feeling this way. However, I would be something I would want to address before you marry him. It is concerning that he is financially irresponsible and wants to merge your bank accounts.
My FH and I have seperate bank accounts and one joint bank account (we have lived together for six years, it just made things easier)… We use the joint bank account to pay the bills, ect. We will probably keep it this way because we both own our own businesses and it makes life easier when it comes to accounting. We both have to pay ourselves a salary and it is easier to track for taxation purposes in our own individual accounts. We both also own our own stocks and bonds and plan on keeping seperate portfolios. We will, however, be puchasing more investments together once we are married. But again, we will invest equally from our individual accounts.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
Post # 3
I don’t think you are selfish. I would never completely combine finances with anyone. I love to shop and manange my money and would not want to have to explain every single purchase. My SO feels the same way. We both have access to each other’s accounts but have our own financial responsibilties to pay for our household. We do have a joint account for savings and some bills.
Post # 4
You’re not selfish. We keep our finances separate. We have one joint account that we both transfer money into in order to make our mortgage payment and pay other shared expenses. Other than that, we keep separate accounts and credit cards and the like.
Post # 5
That makes perfect sense to me! If I were the higher earner, and my spouse was a huge spender, I would be hesitant as well. I don’t think it’s selffish, I think it’s smart. I’m the much bigger spender of the two of us, (still well within my/our means), but we also make the same, and I was easily able to support my spending even when I was single, so I’m not “benefitting” by spending “his” income. I think some version of a joint account for house hold expesnses and joint savings for *agreed upon* big purhcases should be done though. And agreed upon free spending accounts. Maybe based on percentage of income is fair. I do think it would be unfair for you to control ALL of “your” money though.
Post # 6
We keep our finances seperate. We have plans to merge them more in the future, but we will always have our seperate accounts. We both like having our freedom to purchase whatever we want (within reason). We have a joint account that we both put money into every month that pays for all joint expenses. He made more for a while, so he put more in. Now that we make the same we put equal amounts in there.
I think there is a bigger issue here though- that you don’t think he’s responsible with money. That is something you need to address before walking down the aisle.
Post # 7
You guys need to get on the same page. You don’t go combining finances (or marrying someone for that matter) if you cant agree on basic life goals.
Post # 8
We have separate finances; we each pay half of the bills (he pays for the car insurance and council tax and I pay for gas, petrol, water, electric, Internet. We both by food… It works out about the same).
I make slightly more and spend less… He buys xbox games and stuff like that and I don’t begrudge him spending a little, but I wouldn’t want his hobby to eat into my account which I use to buy furniture and build savings. His spending isn’t a problem the way we do things now because if he doesn’t have money, he can’t spend it… but I’m not sure I’d trust him with ALL of our money. XD
Post # 9
You could compromise and have a joint account, but also separate. That is what FH and I are doing; our joint account will be for joint expenses/savings but everything else will be separate.
Post # 10
Thanks for the support. Let me clarify a little more. I’m a psychologist and he’s a freelance artist. Sometimes his works sell and sometimes they don’t The problem is that he often thinks he was more money than he has. Art is also his hobby, and he buys art supplies that are expensive. What want to do is have a joint account where are mutual bill are paid evenly from each of us (mortgage, utilities, etc) and the rest should be in separate accounts. I wouldn’t say he’s completely irresponsible, but I should have my hard earned money going to what we don’t need.
Post # 11
liz42: we have seperate accounts. and one joint account for savings. We split the bills – but he makes much more than I do, so he pays for the bigger bills (rent, car lease, phone/cable/internet) and I pay for daycare, and the other utilities.
I would have a conversation with your Fiance about his spending bc thats a big issue. Especially if you plan to start saving for the future
Post # 12
Thanks. I guess it’s also because I was raised on the value of hard work and financial gain. Waynie, my older daughter, will be 14 next December. I just had a discussion with her that she will be old enough to get a job and will need to get one as soon as she is.
Post # 13
We have a joint checking and savings that we contribute to equally, but also have our own separate accounts for personal expenses as we both have car payments and I still have student loans. It works for us. I do think his excessive spending is a valid concern if you are merging your finances.
Post # 14
We will not be merging our finances in the beginning. As we will be maintaining seperate residences for the next 3 years (due to geographic and family reasons) it wouldn’t make a difference. I think though it we end up buying one home together that might change. My partner earns more than me and sometimes I worry that I will feel wierd about our finances (as he would then technically be better off than me.) Its something we will have to discuss more indepth in the next while.
liz42: I completely understand you and having seperate stuff for beyond the mutual payment things (bills, mortgage etc.) just sounds reasonable.
I had a partner who is an artist. Not so easy. I understand and agree.
Post # 15
liz42: We have separate accounts too. We have a joint checking for bills and a joint savings we set up for the wedding (and we have our wedding gift money in there now). We put the same amount of money in our joint checking each month for bills. I put my “extra” money towards my student loan. It works for us!