(Closed) Would You and Your DH Have Different Accounts and Separate Finances?

posted 5 years ago in Finances
  • poll: Would You and Your DH Have Different Accounts and Separate Finances?

    Yes, Separate Finances

    No, Joint Finances

  • Post # 31
    Member
    1244 posts
    Bumble bee

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    Kaymar:  This is exactly how we do things!

    I would be concerned about his spending habits joint or not.

    Post # 32
    Member
    436 posts
    Helper bee

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    liz42:  Maybe instead of viewing it as “your” hard earned money, consider it “both” of your hard earned money? It seems selfish when you consider your money only yours if you’re married. If he contributes in other ways, life contributions should balance out. Ya’ll need to work together to achieve that balance. 

    Edit: Also, if he wants to merge finances, then you both need to work out a budget and stick to it. I can understand not wanting any joint money being spent frivolously.  

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by silverandgold.
    Post # 33
    Member
    3606 posts
    Sugar bee

    Separate finances wouldn’t work for us – we like the ease of being able to pull from shared funds for everything. However, in your case, I would tell you to go for separate finances in order to protect yourself. It’s not the fact that you earn more, but the fact that you characterize his spending as “excessive” that’s making me say that.

    Post # 34
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Separate. Easier to handle and less drama! 

    We’ve been living together already for a year and a half. Rent is the biggest expense, and my Fiance suggestion was that we split rent proportionally to our income, i.e. he makes 60% of our combined income so he pays for 60% of rent, and I make 40% of our combined income so I pay 40% of the rent. He pays for the internet and utilities, and I pay for the cleaning and dry cleaning. We dine out a lot so if tonight he takes me out, tomorrow is my turn 🙂

    As for the rest of our money, each one of us is free to spend it/save it as we please and I really prefer it this way. Maybe eventually we will merge finances but at least in the beginning I think we will continue like this, it seems to work for us.

    Having said that, we’re both pretty responsible with money anyway, but we have different views reg. investing, I would like to eventually buy an investment property while he prefers to invest in stocks and bonds. Also I love online shopping and treat myself every couple of weeks, usually to a nice item on sale, while he spends a more on plane tickets to visit his 10 year old son and on providing for him. 

     

     

    Post # 35
    Member
    498 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    We combined bank accounts after living together for two years. Now we both have separate credit cards just for little things. We pay rent together, food, gym,bills etc. so it would make no sense for us to have separate accounts, what his is mine yadda yadda. 

    That being said, I am lucky. He doesn’t spend an insane amount of money on anything. We also have the same goals for our credit etc. so having separate accounts just doesn’t make sense- I trust him with my life. He also never questions anything I purchase, and for this I am super lucky!

    However in your situation I totally would! If I was making more money and Working hard every single day only to have him spend bulks of it I would be pissed and end up resenting him. No way would I allow his hands on my bank account. 

    I think before you get married you should figure somethings out but maybe look into separate credit cards and a joint bank account? (As long as his card has a low limit!) until he stopped spending money on unimportant things I wouldn’t be able to trust him :/

    Post # 37
    Member
    5151 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    liz42:  We have one joint account that we pay the mortgage out of, but we each have our own checking/saving accounts. I personally like to have my own money that I can spend wherver/however I want.

    I especially would not be merging my bank account w/someone with a spending issue. I would also be seeing a financial advisor and working on his spending habits before we got married.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1174 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    DH and i have joint accounts.  We pooled our money together when we got married.  DH makes more than I do and also spends more.   We used to contribute equally to our joint expenses before we got married; we never figured out what each should’ve contributed based on our income.  For us, it was eaiser to merge our finances.  We paid for our own wedding, so it was just easier to pool our money.  DH also said he doesn’t think we should ever fight about money, so he thinks it’s best approach to be open about our finances and know how much we have at all times.  DH has become much better about saving money now that we pooled our money.   I think he thinks twice before squandering our money now.  I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way, and you’re not being selfish for not wanting to pool your money, OP.  You do you, do what works for you.   Everyone has their own preference.    

    Post # 39
    Member
    5866 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

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    liz42:  I fundamentally think it makes sense to merge finances when you get married.  However, for some couples this is easier than others!  Some couples are naturally on the same page about spending and earning, while others need to negotiate to come to an agreement that works for them.  I’m one of those “I couldn’t marry a man who I couldn’t trust with my money” types…but I was also lucky to fall for a guy who’s as good with money as I am.

    In your case, I would suggest that you two try to come to an agreement about spending and savings goals and implement a budget for both of your discretionary spending. 

    While I would not be on board with my SO just wasting our money…I don’t love the implicit idea here that since you earn more money you get more say (maybe you aren’t saying this, but it kind of sounds like it).  When you get married you start working as a team to build a life together.  In that long life there will be lots of joint expenses (children, housing, etc) and many differnt seasons of earning (good jobs and bad, scaling back to take care of the kids, one of you retiring before the other, etc).  I think seperate finances complicated your ability to work as a unit.

    But that’s just my opinion!  There are certanly people who make seperate finances work long term.

    Post # 40
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

     My fiance is also pretty spendy so we’re maintaining separate accounts (and one joint account for joint expenses only).  We’re also going to do a prenup.  It just works better for us.

    Post # 41
    Member
    7658 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    DH and I have joint finances, however, our financial habits and goals are the same.

    I don’t think it’s selfish to want separate accounts if you split bills fairly. For example, if I made significantly more, I would pay a higher percentage of the bills. I would feel really weird having way more disposable income and watch my spouse struggle/have no disposable. Then again, that’s assuming that both people are financially responsible.

    I really think you should address his spending before you.get married. You may have separate accounts but what happens if he can’t pay his portion?Or you have to support him in retirement because he has no savings? Obviously I’m making assumptions here, but that’s stuff I would worry about if I had a partner who spent frivolously.

    Post # 42
    Member
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    We have separate finances because my husband had a loan from a previous marriage and i came into the relationship with significant savings.

    we have a joint account that is basically my chequing and he transfers his portion o fthe bills there.

    i am glad i kept things that way because i just found out he took out a secret line of credit.

    Theres nothing wrong with keeping things separate.

    Post # 43
    Member
    471 posts
    Helper bee

    Physically separate but mentally combined, if that makes sense. My SO and I have been together for 5 years, and we have separate finances and separate accounts, but with mutual goals. We have a mutual agreement that we are splitting bills between the two of us, and our savings should be considered both as one for any large purchase we agree on, but we each have individual freedom to spend our own money on what we wish to without having to report to each other. I don’t see any problem with this. We KNOW we can share our earnings with each other, but we don’t see the need to actually put them together in one account. I have all of his information because I take care of tracking our budget to find improvements or track progress for savings, but I just make suggestions for us I never say things like “you shouldn’t be spending on that, we need to do this.” He usually takes my suggestions though. He has been really good at saving because he actually doesn’t feel like he’s being forced to since he has the freedom to do whatever he wants with his money and I wouldn’t know. I don’t check what he spends his money on, I just check the savings and income totals every few months to update our records. 

    I know there’s exceptions, but personally I think merged accounts work best when one person has strict control over all finances. It would be hard to keep up with records and budgeting when two people are making their own decisions on the same account, it would be more time consuming to track who’s spending what or how much each person is saving. My friend has a joint account with her husband but she has complete control over the finances and he basically has to get “approval” before making a purchase that’s not needed. Different things work for different people. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    Both. Personally I want us each to have our own account. So we can spend and shop for things we want or save some of what we personally earn. Then a joint account for bills, groceries, etc. I think it’s important to be able to do both. You should come together financially and help each other but shouldn’t have to give up spending money on what you enjoy. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1304 posts
    Bumble bee

     

    Finances and spending habits are a big deal and something that many couples fight about. I would seriously address your concerns and differences before getting married.

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