Would you ask a friend to add a trigger warning?

posted 7 days ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
1546 posts
Bumble bee

obviousanonymous :  actually, I do have a diagnosis of PTSD.  It’s taken years of therapy.  I can tolerate posts about DV, suicide, shootings, mental hearth issues,  and police brutality.   I cab also tolerate posts about miscarriages from partner actions. I get jumpy on New Year’s and July 4th.  And I hate October.  I’ve done a hell of a lot of work. 

Post # 33
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

bywater :  It’s wonderful and fortunate that you’ve been able to work through your trauma. But that’s all the more reason to be compassionate to those who are still in the process of healing. 

Post # 34
Member
4735 posts
Honey bee

Trigger warnings are ridiculous and I despise the culture that would attempt to protect people from what they choose to read. I can’t stand this mentality. Have we become this fragile? How did mankind ever evolve? I dont understand why an individual couldn’t just choose not to read the Instagram story when they saw it was about sexual assault. If I watch a movie and it’s obvious that an animal is going to be killed, I turn it off. I dont need a trigger warning to do that. Additionally I believe that a trigger warning is not going to prevent people from reading/seeing something. It creates curiosity and anxiety in equal measure.

The victim/trigger is not going to do us any favors in the long run. And of course you can’t express these sentiments today without multiole accusations of being insensitive to the trauma of others. It reminds me of the Victorian era and its attitude about sex.

Post # 35
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

bookishbee90 :  I think the effect this has had on you both emotionally and physically is clear. Others may not see it as such an issue, and I think they’re very fortunate to be in that position (genuinely not throwing shade – just an observation). 

The argument many have made against saying something to your friend is that you could have chosen to not read it, or skim past it, but I think you’ve been clear about why this actually wasn’t the case. You don’t need anyone here to validate your feelings – if you think this presents an opportunity to have an open conversation with your friend about how trigger warnings can assist someone in your position, by all means do it.

You just have to be prepared for any reaction. She may not see the situation the same way and may not appreciate your suggestion. Make sure you’d be okay with that before making your final decision.

Post # 36
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

sunburn :  normally really like the things you post  but this is so far off the mark. It’s not ridiculous or fragile to experience PTSD as a result of serious sexual or other violence. It’s also not new. Rape victims have experienced this throughout history, there are reports of WW1 veterans being triggered. Many of them didn’t, couldn’t just ‘deal with it’ and suffered massively in silence. This is a small thing that makes a big difference to some people. It’s not about avoiding things you don’t like or which make you uncomfortable, it’s about having the tools to navigate retraumatising material so you don’t have a flash back, panic attack or psychotic episode ๐Ÿ‘

If you don’t need them then lucky you but not everyone is that fortunate. My partner is a really strong man. A resilient man. Does he wish he’d not been sexually assaulted as a child? Absolutely. Does he wish he didnt have traumatic flashbacks in certain situations that leave him a complete wreck. Absolutely. Thankfully he’s able to navigate or avoid some of those situations where material has trigger warnings. If you find that pathetic then I’m genuinely sorry for your lack of compassion.

Post # 37
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

OP, your update makes it clear why a trigger warning would have been really helpful with this content. As for everyone bleating about the lack of resilience and how fragile we have become, just stop. Of course someone with PTSD cant avoid all triggers all the time, but what ever happened to the golden rule? If you’re about to post something on social media that involves potentially triggering content — and a graphic account of a rape certainly falls into this category — what would it hurt you to pause for a moment and consider whether TW might help someone? What happened to compassion?

Post # 38
Member
4089 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Unfortunately I think the term “trigger warning” has become so over/misused that much of the meaning behind it has been lost, and it’s now synomymous with things for which it was never intended.

If your friend is working with women who have experienced sexual assault I’m going to guess that she is a compassionate individual who wouldn’t want to further hurt someone. I’m also going to guess that if it triggered YOU there’s a good chance it could or did do the same for others who may not be as comfortable to speak up. Finally, if she’s working in this field, I’d imagine she will be meeting and befriending new people, some of whom would very much be triggered by seeing this without warning. So it’s good to know for the future.

All that to say, yes, say something. 

Post # 39
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

This post has certainly showed some ugly sides, emilyofnewmoon has the right side of it though.  I’ll just say that I would tell my friends if their post hurt me, even inadvertently, and I would hope they would tell me if I wronged them. If our friends don’t hold us to account and help us be our best, kindest selves, then who will?

Post # 40
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hate the word “triggered” with a passion.

If it was a good friend I’d probably just be like “hey that article you posted was pretty upsetting to me, do you think you could just put a quick warning at the top if you post that type of thing again?” If it was an acquaintance I’d say nothing.

But I do think it’s kind of on the person to stop reading once they realize what it’s about too.

Post # 41
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

I don’t see what the trigger warning would have done in this case since you said it was “triggering from the first sentence”, however you continued to read anyway. It doesn’t sound like the internet is the best place for you if reading something ruined your day enough to stop you from being able to work or hang out with your friends.

I’m not saying this to be insensitive but you should pull the plug on the internet (or at least social media) until you feel better because another person may post something triggering and you can’t control the world. As someone with depression and anxiety, I had to pull the plug on social media because it negatively impacted my self worth. 

Even though I had these issues, I would never tell anyone what to post or how to go about doing so. It is my responsibility alone to make myself better and work on my own issues.

Post # 42
Member
4735 posts
Honey bee

kia2019 :  Do not assume that because I feel that trigger warnings have become ridiculous that I lack compassion and understanding. What I do lack is the ability to understand why we need to bubble wrap everything now, lest someone somewhere experience an unwanted feeling. I could understand a trigger warning if you were taking a friend who had bee raped to see a play about sexual assault. You’d certainly let her know so she could decide if she wanted to go or not. But posting something online is different. There’s all kinds of evil shit out there. You have to be a grownup and decide for yourself whether it’s something you’ll feel comfortable reading/viewing, rather than relying on others to cushion you from any bad feelings. People are triggered by all sorts of things, so it is virtually impossible to assure that all these things come with a warning. Frankly the whole internet and social media scene should come with a warning that those who are easily upset should just stay away.

Post # 43
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

sunburn :  yeah I definitely don’t agree that we need to ‘bubble wrap everything’ or that we need trigger warnings for things that give people unpleasant feelings – my posts, and the OPs posts have said the exact opposite. Part of the problem is that the term is conflated, derided or used in ways that aren’t appropriate. But the original post is about sexual abuse and PTSD and it is in that context that i was defending it and you were posting it was ridiculous. 

Once again, your post implies people who benefit from trigger warnings because of PTSD aren’t acting like grownups. In my experience nothing can be further from the truth. It’s not about protecting people from every little bad or negative feeling, it’s about minimising trauma where possible for vulnerable people who have been raped.

I see first hand every day a resilient, strong, adult man navigating an incredibly difficult world and dealing with the impact of serious violent sexual trauma – if it helps him to have a heads up before accidentally  reading a graphic account of abuse then that feels like a small compassionate thing, not worth being mocked or derided. Each to their own.

Post # 44
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

I would appreciate a “Graphic Content” warning, simply because I often scroll insta while eating and seeing grotesque images on someone’s page that’s not usually posting grotesque things might be startling.

Post # 45
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

kia2019 : “It’s not about protecting people from every little bad or negative feeling, it’s about minimising trauma where possible for vulnerable people who have been raped.”

๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

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