Post # 1
I think most of us here agree that you cannot ask your bridesmaids to cut, color or do something specific with their hair for a wedding, but can you ask your FI/groomsmen to shave?
One of my friends is getting married this Saturday and I am a bridesmaid. Her Fiance has been growing a “playoff beard” for our city’s hockey team which is in the Stanley Cup Finals. In case you don’t know the tradition, the NHL hockey players themselves start growing beards at the start of the playoffs and don’t shave until their team is eliminated or wins the Stanley Cup. It has become popular enough that many guy fans do it too and they sign up to raise money for their teams various charities.
My friend’s Fiance normally doesn’t have a beard and just grows one for the hockey playoffs. She wasn’t concerned until our team made it to the Finals, which start tonight and game 2 is Saturday (another problem since she is afraid everyone is going to try to find a tv to watch the game). Her Fiance doesn’t want to shave, she obviously wants him to. And it’s not just him with a beard – 4 out of the 6 groomsmen are also growing playoff beards.
This has caused some unnecessary stress the last few days. I am torn – I could see why my friend would want her Fiance to look like he usually does, but on the other hand I don’t think you can tell grown adults how they should look so they can fit your wedding vision.
It’s not like any of them look like the Duck Dynesty guys. They all look neat, actually I think they look pretty dapper with their beards and I normally don’t like facial hair. One of the guys normally has a beard anyway so for him it’s a moot point, but the other guys are not happy with the bride dictating how they should look.
I have a feeling my friend’s Fiance is going to give in and shave because he doesn’t want their marriage to start out with a cloud over them, but I think he’s annoyed that she’s upset about it.
What do you think?
Post # 2
I think anyone can nicely ask their partner to shave if they prefer him not to have a beard. I don’t think she has any right to request the same of the groomsmen.
Post # 3
I agree with julies1949. It’s fine to ask her fiance but not to ask the groomsmen.
Post # 4
I think that is a tough one when it comes to Fiance, for groomsmen I wouldn’t say they’d have to shave. As I told mine I wanted them to be comfortable be that clean shaven or beard, whatever you choose, please at least take a shower before so you can be all nice and clean! My husband loves to grow out his chops and I’m not exactly a fan. He asked me what I wanted and I told him the truth, I’d prefer him to be clean shaven, but if he REALLY wants the chops then for him to keep them. …he ended up shaving them.
If your friend’s Fiance keeps his beard and later on in life looking at the photos people are asking about the beard he can at least say he had to help his team no matter the cost and have a laugh about it. And if he can actually grow a beard that it would look nice (ie not straggly and sad) I say let him keep his beard.
TL;DR? No, you cannot dictate what people in your wedding party do with their facial hair.
Post # 5
Perosnally, no I don’t think she can ask or force him to shave. But she can ask them to tidy up the edges and make them look extra neat for the wedding.
Post # 6
Sorry no. Is he going to approve her makeup and hair style? Nope, this really is part of who he is if he does it every year.
Post # 7
You described them as looking “neat” and “dapper”, what’s the issue?
Post # 8
My fiancé- absolutely. Grown men who I am not marrying- not my place to ask. If anything Fiance could ask, but I wouldnt “make” him make a stink about it, it’d be up to him.
Post # 9
Even if the beard isn’t his usual look, it’s his look at this moment, which is nice to capture. I think the beards would look nice if they are maintained. DH has a beard, and I was ok with both keeping it or shaving it off. I think it would be less stress for everyone if the beard issue was just left alone.
Post # 10
For one it’s his body and he can shave or not shave as he likes. (And the bride dictating to the groomsmen is even more out of the question).
for two, what if he shaves and then the team loses?? He would NEVER forget it, and probably wouldn’t let her, either.
Post # 11
also is this the Disney nightmare bride??
Post # 12
I say there’s no harm in asking if they would all shave, but you can’t force them to. If they don’t want to shave at least see if they are willing to make sure the beards look clean and groomed and not all messy and out of Control. Personally, my thing would be no neck hair, can’t stand it.
Post # 13
Yes, it is!
Her Fiance thinks it would be cute to look back and remember how their team was in the Finals. He also is totally superstitious and thinks they’ll lose if he shaves!
I think the issue with her is that most of the guys normally don’t have beards and she wants them to look like their usual selves for the wedding. I tried telling her this isn’t an issue but she’s obviously not listening to me.
Post # 14
If I remember correctly, only one guy had the neck hair as of this weekend, but he said he would clean it up for the wedding. The other guys don’t have straggly beards or neck hair.
Post # 15
I’m a big hockey fan, so I get the importance of a playoff beard. The GMs, no. Don’t say anything. The fiancé, absolutely. If he doesn’t normally have a beard, I think she can ask. It won’t look like him in the pictures.
I used to work with a guy who runs a very well-known blog for our local hockey team. He is truly the biggest hockey guy I ever met. He does the playoff beard. One day during playoffs, he came in clean-shaven. I asked about it, and he said he shaved because he was a guest at a wedding and his girlfriend had asked him to. If he could do it as a guest, the fiancé can do it as a groom.