Post # 1
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
**I would like to preface by saying a couple of things:
1. I have not said anything to BF
2. We share all bills and finances and live together. All money is “our” money.
About 2 months ago, we sat down to address our spending and decided we have been spending ENTIRELY too much money on take out foods. I mean, just an astronomical amount of money for 2 people on eating. Since then, we have been cooking at home, packing lunches and not getting takeout except for maybe once a week…or so I thought.
Then it comes to my attention that this *entire week*, BF has been ordering in lunch with his work friends. Every day. Today I text him to ask him what he’s up to and he says “having sushi with Frank.”
Sushi? When you eat like my BF, sushi ain’t cheap.
Which got me to asking how often he’s been eating out for lunch, and come to find out, I’m the only one who has been not spending money on outside food.
Again, I have said nothing about this to him at all…but would you?I can safely say he’s probably spent $50+ on take out lunches this week. We had a deal that we weren’t going to keep eating out, and I never thought he’d turn around and start just ordering it in at lunch while at work.
I’m not mad, exactly. I just am kind of frustrated that I’m the only one who has been watching the spending on this.
Post # 3
Member
2832 posts
Sugar bee
Uhhh yes, this is a biggie. Ughh men….
Post # 4
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
Absolutely say something. It’s just all in how you frame it. Like you said, you’re not mad, so don’t go in guns blazing, but just say to him “Babe, I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to spend money on take out food. I’ve been keeping up my end of that, and I’m disappointed you haven’t.”
Maybe the solution is to set an amount you each get to spend on take out every month? Or you agree to only get it together (so not for lunch, just dinner)?
Post # 5
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
@sara_tiara: That’s a good point: why is he getting to have takeout with his friends but I’m not getting to with him or at all? Kind of lame, I highly doubt he even thinks of it that way. Thank you!
@Artificial-Sweetener: I know, right??
Post # 6
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@badabing88: Oh, my gosh, we’re kinda going through the same thing. We (I thought “we,” lol) had decided to try and cut back on eating out so much; I love to cook, so not an issue for me.
Welp, come to find out my dear husband still goes out to lunch almost. every. day. Meanwhile, I’m at my desk in my office with a sandwich from home or leftovers, to save money.
I have NOT said anything. Mainly because I spend way, way, way more money on things like: shoes, clothes, cosmetics, manicures, pedicures, my hair, and handbags than he does. So, in a year’s time I spend a ton more on myself than he does. Probably, anyway. He plays golf – expensive sport, that. 😉
I don’t have any advice, just wanted to commiserate. 🙂
Post # 7
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
I would most definitely say something to him about this. $50 plus every week adds up quick!
Post # 8
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@badabing88: I would say something. I wouldn’t be accusatory and rude about it, but I would say something like, “it was my understanding that we were going to cut back on take-out because we are saving for x, y, and z. I assumed that meant while we were at work too, but maybe you thought it was just when we were together for dinner?
If all of your money goes to a joint account, then it is very important you are on the same page about how funds are allocated. I would definitely tell FI if I thought he was spending too much (he would do the same). Also, LOL @ the sushi comment – my FI is never full after we eat that either, lol.
Post # 9
Member
2534 posts
Sugar bee
I know what you mean – FI and I try very hard to eat at home more, but sometimes we slip up. He especially gets lunch at work frequently – though also, his vendors bring in lunch for them a lot.
When he feels like we eat out too much though, he gets really into packing my lunch? Like I’m the one who eats expensive lunches? Haha
It’s frustrating, but I guess you just need a better/different plan. Sometimes the first plan just doesn’t work for everyone, though I think that’s even more frustrating.
Hope it works out!
Post # 10
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I would say something. But I’d also make sure he is actually going out to eat. I know you can pick up those containers of sushi at the grocery so he isn’t necessarily ordering take-out.
Post # 11
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
@mrs_pudding_pop: That’s what I want to explain to him…at that rate, that’s $200 a month on *him eating lunch at work*, not even us out having a good time (which would still be ridiculous for our financial situatio).
@Sunfire: LOL I can certainly appreciate the support! But see, I am ALWAYS the saver: he would be the Sunfire in this relationship. So it’s yet another thing he’s spending money on for himself. I want him to enjoy his lunch, don’t get me wrong, but he definitely isnt keeping to the plan that WE (or at least I thought “we”) had set up. *sigh* He’s killing me.
Post # 12
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
@badabing88: Yeah, we have definitely tried curbing our spending on nights out, that’s a lotta money for just a couple of hours and drinks!
Post # 13
Member
10509 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@sara_tiara: I agree, setting a limit sounds like a good idea.
Post # 14
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
Yes, I would say something, but also give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe someone bought him lunch, they had free lunch one day, etc… remind him about your deal and say you feel frustrated that you’re eating PBJ and he’s eating sushi!
Post # 15
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
@Mrs.KMM: I confirmed: it’s from an (overpriced) sushi restraurant by his job :-/
@MrsPanda99: Oh I know, and I’m not either. I can eat $50 of sushi by myself EASILY, and I can only imagine how much he spent.
Post # 16
Member
2378 posts
Buzzing bee
This is why we’ve got our own “fun money” that we put aside every payday. If I want to blow $100 on sushi (and I probably will since I’ll be in Chicago this weekend), I can! It’s MY fun money, and I can do what I want with it and not justify it to anyone. If he wants to burn $100 on new video games, that’s his money to play with and he doesn’t have to answer to me. However, once that money is gone, it’s done until payday.
That way, we don’t feel constantly like we’re being monitored. We also don’t have the pressure to be perfect with our money all the time. And if one of us sees a really good deal on something, we don’t have to wait for the other to ok it first.
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