Post # 1
I know this topic looks odd but it is pretty much that – a friend I grew up with passed away, only a month before her destination wedding.
However a fair few people had booked plane tickets to fly from New Zealand to UK to the wedding, so the groom’s family is throwing a reception on the wedding day to celebrate her life.
All my friends are still going, especially as some had locked in all their bookings a fair while back. Her bridesmaids (whom are also my friends) kept saying they wanted to go to the garden where the ceremony was suppose to happen (yes, on the wedding day!) as they felt they would regret not seeing it and find closure that way.
I’m only going for 2.5 weeks as initially I was only going to Europe to attend the wedding. I’m also the only one out of all my friends going alone so the bride had offered to meet up with me in each city I was visiting after her big day.
I’m trying to justify whether to go or not. I think I have it easier than everyone else as everything I booked is refundable. However money isn’t the issue. I’m really feeling the pressure that I may either enjoy the trip and be celebrating her life, or get really despressed about what could have been. Help?
Post # 2
I’m sorry for your loss, hun. you should go. You’d be around friends & people who love her. Cherish the memories you have & carry her in your heart.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
That’s so sad, I’m sorry for your loss and my heart breaks for her fiancé and family. I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with, but I feel like it might be nice to be there to celebrate her with her loved ones and your friends. It will be sad but it’s a very nice tribute.
Post # 4
Aw I’m terribly sorry about your friend!! If she was a very good friend of yours, you should go. You can make the trip shorter trip if you feel uncomfortable travelling alone (which as a side note: travelling alone is SUCH a great learning and personal growth experience and I encourage you to try it if you never have). Go, she dremt of having this wedding and having all of her friends there to see it. Being sad will be part of it, but try to look at it as all over her beautifull friends, coming together to honor her and how awesome she must have been to have such a group of people willing to do that for her. Celebrate the beautifull things of her life, and see the good <3
Post # 5
if you go and get sad, you can work through the sadness. if you don’t go and regret it, you’ll always be kicking yourself
Post # 6
Thank you that sounds so beautiful.
I know I would regret not going to her wedding (which was why I was willing to go on a long haul flight for 2 weeks), but now there is no longer a wedding, I was contemplating to just be at the cemetery to pay respects on her day.
I guess I’m still not thinking straight and at this stage, can only see how sad and bittersweet this would be, especially on the day.
It’s inspiring and surprising at the majority vote to go!
Post # 7
If you go your emotions will be all over the map. It’s practically inevitable with such a tragic bittersweet memorial. You may find times when you laugh at a memory or enjoy visiting a new city and you will fluctuate between guilt over smiling when your friend is gone and knowing she’d want you to smile. It will be emotionally wrenching to see her groom, her family, on what would have been her wedding day, there will be lots of tears I’m sure. You will be sad, depressed, maybe even angry at the unfairness of her not being here for that day. But if you don’t go, you will have to deal with the regret and guilt of not going and it may also further hurt her Fiance and family members if people who had already set plans in place for the wedding back out now that it has become a memorial. Such a very sad situation (((hugs)))
Post # 8
- Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI
I think you should go. Yes it will be sad, but I think you’d regret not going. With your other friends being there it may help with the emotions you’re feeling with the loss.
Post # 9
I would go. This was supposed to be her wedding day. Everything is booked and many others are going. I find in times of loss gatherings are wonderful. Everyone shares their stories of the person and remembers her together. You will hear so many little bits about her you never knew even if you thought you knew her inside out.
She would probably want everyone there, not to celebrate her, but to support her fiance. This was supposed to be his wedding day as well and now it’s a day of mourning. I could see her wanting all her loved ones around him.
I think it’s beautiful that they are continuing and turned this into a momento of her. If it were my dear friend I wouldn’t miss it. Your loss is going to hurt either way. Whether you are at home, or on a trip that was to involve her.
Post # 10
I agree with everyone else. It’s a touching tribute and an incredibly sad situation for all of her family and friends. My heart goes out to you all. Enjoy the trip in her honor And if possible, try to remember the good times rather than dwell on the loss.
Post # 11
It will be a hard trip emotionally but I thinknypu would always regret not going
Post # 12
Terribly painful, and strictly up to you to decide.
You will not be wrong in whatever decision you make.
Post # 13
I am actually not sure I would attend if you are already attending her funeral or memorial service. It just seems that the family is doing their best to deal with all the nonrefundable tickets. Since you are not dealing with that issue, I don’t know that I would do this.
There is no right or wrong, of course, but if money is not a concern, and you want to make the trip on your own, then of course, go ahead.
I’m very sorry for your tragic loss.
Post # 14
I would do what’s in your heart. If you find solace in being with other people at this time than do it. If you want to get your money back and remember her in a different way than do that.
I have dealt with a lot of death and I tell you what; at this stage it’s not about them. They’re with you and they love you no matter what. It’s about what gets you through.
Me? I wouldn’t go. I’m an introvert and I would hate spending that money to go over there and feel awful. I would remember her in a way that was true to me and put that money aside for a little trip another time.
Take care xxxx
Post # 15
I wonder if some of those saying you’d regret not going realized that you will be attending the funeral. You have no reason for regrets, either way.