Post # 1
One of my good friends from college is getting married exactly 1 month after us. She was invited to my bachelorette party, but didn’t come because she had a bridal shower to attend. She was invited to my shower, but RSVPed no without any excuse or reason. A few days after the invites were sent, I received her card marked not attending, again with no reason or even a note or e-mail to say sorry I can’t make it.
I had been excited to attend her wedding, however, after 3 no-shows I’m really not feeling like making a hotel reservation and attending her wedding. I feel extremely guilty over this, however, I feel like she could’ve at least came up with some polite excuse about why her and her fiance cannot attend our wedding.
Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? Would you still attend the wedding?
Post # 3
as a rule of thumb this year at least, if my friend doesn’t attend my wedding, i will probably rsvp no to theres because i just have too many weddings to attend and for those that do attend, i will attend, unless for some reason i cannot, which i would let the bride know.
most of my friends that cannot make it to my wedding, which is only one so far, has written a very nice email to me (my rsvp was thru email) and the truth was, its nice to hear the "nice" things they say etc, but honestly it doesn’t really matter to me the reason behind why they did not attend, because the end result is the same, no show. i have other things to worry about then why they did not attend/or want to attend the wedding.
Post # 4
Her three no responses seem really fishy. Did something else happen between the two of you? Or do you live far away from each other?
Post # 5
Yeah – do you live far away from each other? That’s the only reason I wouldn’t attend a shower for a close college friend. Also, were your events during the summer? I was once invited to a shower for a college friend on a Sat in the summer a 5 hour drive from where I live, I wasn’t a bridesmaid or even invited to the original engagement party. I didn’t think it would be a big deal to RSVP ‘no’, but both her and her sister (MOH) questioned me like the inquisition. I actually had a vacation planned that weekend, but that wasn’t a good enough reason. I still sent a gift though, did your friend?
I guess since your friend didn’t even bother to call or email with any kind of explanation that’s weird. I could see how she could kind of assume with sooo many invites, you just want a yes or no, but that’s still short sighted.
Post # 6
From another recent thread, it seems like a lot of people just check yes or no and don’t write a reason on the RSVP card, so try not to take it too personally. I agree that she should’ve written a note, but try to cut her a bit of slack.
I’m not sure how close she lives to you, but I will say that I would never expect someone to travel far (3 hour drive, flight, hotel, etc.), just to go to a bridal shower.
If she’s getting married one month after you, it is also possible that she just cannot afford to travel for your bridal shower and/or wedding, and she may be embarrassed to give you such an excuse, especially since you are such close friends. She may be feeling awkward that she doesn’t have a "real" excuse, other than not wanting to put things on her credit card…
Maybe you should just call her for a friendly catch-up, and find out how her planning is going, and how her life is going lately. If it were me, I wouldn’t miss the wedding of one of my close friends, just because they couldn’t come to mine. Just call her to reconnect, and say something about how you’re sorry she won’t be able to join you for your wedding, but that you’re really looking forward to celebrating with her at hers in August.
Post # 7
If you are close, I might consider calling her. "I’m so bummed you can’t come to the wedding…" I would think she would offer some explanation without you having to ask. Maybe make your decision based on that.
But I wouldn’t go out of my way to attend a wedding of a friend who couldn’t attend any of my events. And who didn’t see fit to offer any regrets about it. Just "no". The only person who rsvp’d no to my wedding, without any well wishing was my former boss, who was a total, b-word. (And expected, and was glad she declined.)
Post # 8
A lot of people don’t know that you would like them to write a reason on the RSVP card as to whether or not they’ll be attending. Also, the fact that RSVP cards are traditionally small sometime bars people from writing personal messages. This is why I like postcard RSVPs. =) Yes, they lead to a lot more guests being added on without your knowledge (unless you’re very specific about who’s invited on the invite, or provide instructions on how to RSVP — ex. "please specify how many people will be attending") but you will get a lot more of those "personal" messages.
Post # 9
Yeah, if you’re really wondered why not call or send her an email to ask? She might be totally bogged down with planning.
Post # 10
I know it’s hard to take no-explanation-nos and not wonder what’s going on, but I think you should cut her some slack. Even as a bride-to-be, I think showers and bachelorettes are a little more optional (and can be hard on the wallet, even if no travel is involved). It’s disappointing that she’s not going to be able to come to your wedding. I second the idea that you should call her and see what’s going on.
Post # 11
I would send a nice gift. That would be my response. I know what it’s like to have 3 of your best friends ALL marry very quickly after one another and we all were there for each others’ day (some of us were repeat bridesmaids in fact!).
We were there for showers, for bachelorettes..for the big day also.
I am one who will move heaven and earth for my close friends. Sadly though, I do know some women who became a *tad* egocentric when it came to their time marrying. One of my friends (she married a year later) barely spoke to any of us and only sent out invites to certain events and expected us to be there without as much as a note or phone call…A whole year passed without her speaking to us and we’d call her and call her!