Post # 1
I received a shower invitation with an enclosed envelope that reads “in lieu of gifts, donations would be greatly appreciated”. It was in the bride’s handwriting and it’s being held at her house, “hosted” by her Future Mother-In-Law. I was pretty sure that meant “bring cash for me”, but thought maybe it was an inside joke I didn’t get, or there really was a charity involved so I emailed her asking what charity the funds would be going to. She replied that she’s “happily accepting donations to the John/Jane Smith wedding charity”.
She’s having a destination wedding that’s already costing us thousands of dollars to attend, so I have a hard time seeing her cause as a “charity” case.
Would you go to this shower?
ETA: It’s a family member of my husband’s, not a close friend/family member of mine.
Post # 3
Regardless of the invite, I would go the shower if I had a close relationship with the bride. Since you are spending a lot of money to attend her destination wedding, I’m guessing you are closer to this woman. Even though the invite was tacky, I personally would probably attend.
Post # 4
@SapphireSun: First…..really? Im having trouble believing that someone would actually equate their wedding with a charity….quite tacky (and I RARELY ever use the T-word, but in this case its used because Im appauled someone would do something like that)
I had almost wished she was actually giving away to charity. I dont know how well you know her, but I personally would just give her a card and a small gift, especially if you are spending so much money on her already. I thought it was considered gauche to tell people to give you money/what kinds of gifts you should get them? Am I missing something?
Post # 5
Just WOW! A shower is to help set up a new home, not pay for her wedding! Unless I was a bridesmaid, I would probably skip it and send something off her registry.
Post # 6
I would get something off the registry. Sorry, but I’m not paying for your wedding!
Post # 7
If I was close, I would attend, but I would bring a gift for the home – just to be ornery!
Post # 8
Yeah, her mom called me three times before I even received the invite to remind me that her shower would be CASH ONLY; there is no registry. So my thought on this is to bring an (actually pretty, but I already have lots) pitcher that I won as a door prize at an event I attended with a cheque inside the box. If she donates it to the Sally Ann before she finds the money, sucks to be her.
Post # 9
Hm… I’d go but not give her money! Email her and ask if theres anything she needs for her home… lol If she says no then just give her a card.
Post # 10
OUCH!!!! I’m speechless, and that doesn’t happen often. I agree with the bees above–there is no way I’m paying for your wedding at your shower!!! That being said, since it sounds like you are going to the wedding, going to the shower would be a nice thing to do. But I would definitely stick with the standard towels/sheets/etc that belong at showers.
P.S. I also find it in really poor taste when you see the registry is for excursions and experiences for the married couple on their honeymoon.
Post # 11
I think the calling/reminders were in poor taste. No one should be expected to bring a gift.
But I totally (and respectfully) disagree with the thought that shower/wedding gifts need to be things/things for a new home. Older couples or people who have been on their own (or living together) don’t need most of the things that are on registries.
Personally I’d rather give cash that will help a couple have an experience (whether it’s planning for a future and family, or even if it’s making the honeymoon or wedding more comfortable financially) then buy them toaster tongs or a mini garlic grater.
I empathize with the difficult of letting people know that. I don’t really understand how asking for things is ok, but asking for money that can go into a savings account or a vacation the couple couldn’t afford otherwise is tacky.
Post # 12
Oh, I didn’t answer the question. If she was my friend and wanted me at her wedding/shower and I was free, I’d go help her celebrate her special day.
Post # 13
If I was close to the bride, I still would go. If she was an aquaintance, I would skip it.
Post # 14
ugh – I think the mother’s actions calling you 3 times to reinforce cash only is really tacky. Sure we could all use some additional cash, but be civil. She shouldnt have planned a destination wedding or any wedding if she couldnt afford it. And if her guests are paying alot just to travel to the wedding, she shouldnt expect gifts and or additional cash outlays. Sure, everyone will likely bring a gift, but she can’t prescribe what that gift will be. I dont know what I would do. Maybe just to be b*tchy, I’d give her a gift card – it’s kinda like cash right ;). Just make sure it’s not a place that gives you cash for returns – like Nordstrom, etc. I don’t know if you can win in this situation – they’d probably be annoyed if you don’t go to the shower, sounds like they’d be annoyed if you show and don’t bring cash, they’ll probably be annoyed if you don’t bring what they think is enough cash. The whole situation is tacky and tactless.
Post # 15
I would be highly offended and would do one of two thing: skip it entirely, or go and give one ugly gift.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t “donate” any more than I would have spent for an actual gift.