(Closed) Would you attend this shower?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Regardless of the invite, I would go the shower if I had a close relationship with the bride. Since you are spending a lot of money to attend her destination wedding, I’m guessing you are closer to this woman. Even though the invite was tacky, I personally would probably attend. 

Post # 4
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@SapphireSun: First…..really? Im having trouble believing that someone would actually equate their wedding with a charity….quite tacky (and I RARELY ever use the T-word, but in this case its used because Im appauled someone would do something like that)

I had almost wished she was actually giving away to charity. I dont know how well you know her, but I personally would just give her a card and a small gift, especially if you are spending so much money on her already. I thought it was considered gauche to tell people to give you money/what kinds of gifts you should get them? Am I missing something?

Post # 5
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just WOW! A shower is to help set up a new home, not pay for her wedding! Unless I was a bridesmaid, I would probably skip it and send something off her registry.

Post # 6
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would get something off the registry. Sorry, but I’m not paying for your wedding!

Post # 7
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If I was close, I would attend, but I would bring a gift for the home – just to be ornery!

Post # 9
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hm… I’d go but not give her money! Email her and ask if theres anything she needs for her home… lol If she says no then just give her a card.

Post # 10
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

OUCH!!!!   I’m speechless, and that doesn’t happen often.   I agree with the bees above–there is no way I’m paying for your wedding at your shower!!!   That being said, since it sounds like you are going to the wedding, going to the shower would be a nice thing to do.  But I would definitely stick with the standard towels/sheets/etc that belong at showers.  

P.S.  I also find it in really poor taste when you see the registry is for excursions and experiences for the married couple on their honeymoon.  

Post # 11
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think the calling/reminders were in poor taste. No one should be expected to bring a gift.

But I totally (and respectfully) disagree with the thought that shower/wedding gifts need to be things/things for a new home. Older couples or people who have been on their own (or living together) don’t need most of the things that are on registries.

Personally I’d rather give cash that will help a couple have an experience (whether it’s planning for a future and family, or even if it’s making the honeymoon or wedding more comfortable financially) then buy them toaster tongs or a mini garlic grater. 

I empathize with the difficult of letting people know that. I don’t really understand how asking for things is ok, but asking for money that can go into a savings account or a vacation the couple couldn’t afford otherwise is tacky.

Post # 12
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh, I didn’t answer the question. If she was my friend and wanted me at her wedding/shower and I was free, I’d go help her celebrate her special day.

Post # 13
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If I was close to the bride, I still would go.  If she was an aquaintance, I would skip it.

Post # 14
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

ugh – I think the mother’s actions calling you 3 times to reinforce cash only is really tacky. Sure we could all use some additional cash, but be civil. She shouldnt have planned a destination wedding or any wedding if she couldnt afford it. And if her guests are paying alot just to travel to the wedding, she shouldnt expect gifts and or additional cash outlays. Sure, everyone will likely bring a gift, but she can’t prescribe what that gift will be. I dont know what I would do. Maybe just to be b*tchy, I’d give her a gift card – it’s kinda like cash right ;). Just make sure it’s not a place that gives you cash for returns – like Nordstrom, etc. I don’t know if you can win in this situation – they’d probably be annoyed if you don’t go to the shower, sounds like they’d be annoyed if you show and don’t bring cash, they’ll probably be annoyed if you don’t bring what they think is enough cash. The whole situation is tacky and tactless.

Post # 15
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would be highly offended and would do one of two thing: skip it entirely, or go and give one ugly gift.

Post # 16
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I wouldn’t “donate” any more than I would have spent for an actual gift.

 

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