(Closed) Would you attend this shower?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

after reading your updates, I wouldn’t go. there’s no way I’m encouraging that.

Post # 18
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!  If they couldn’t afford to have a Destination Wedding, they should be marrying in town at the JoP.  I would be ashamed to make such a request, especially when their guests are spending a lot to attend.  I would probably go to the shower and bring a card with Monopoly $ inside! 

Post # 19
Member
47412 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@atalante: I think the difference is that the purpose of a shower is to help set up the maritial home. The purpose of the shower is NOT to finance their wedding.

If they already have all the things” they need, then they don’t need a shower. If they still want a shower, they could have a theme, such as lingerie, wine, patio and backyard etc.

 

 

Post # 20
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well-

1st. Her calling was tacky.

2. I am having a destination wedding and in lieu of gifts we did a honeymoon registry where people could purchase excursions for us (like massages at the resort, zip lining, jet ski’s etc.)

To answer your question, I think you should go and bring a gift for something they can do at the resort like my guests are doing. Like a previous poster said showers/parties aren’t to finance the wedding but to provide little things to show your happiness in sharing the couples big day.

Post # 21
Member
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

ya, i am put off by the “wedding charity” comment!  thats pretty ridiculous.  when i first read “in lieu of gifts”. i didnt think it was bad since i have been to showers that say that, but when it is for a combined bigger gift.  i went to a shower once where the mom hosted and said they will accept contributions for a larger gift.  turned out to be a set of really nice dishes and we all got to see it at the shower what our contribution went towards.  because i liked this idea, i did something similar for my shower.  but we would never ask straight up for cash to pay for the wedding!   

i would be more inclined to contribute cash for this couple if they hadnt said it was specifically for their wedding!

Post # 22
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Well, while I agree it was tacky (especially the Future Mother-In-Law…), I just want to remind the Bees of this post:

HELP! We can’t pay what’s owed on our wedding

 

Try not to pass judgement too quickly and chalk it up to etiquette ignorance. Go and enjoy tthe party.

Post # 23
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would attend with a card only! 

Post # 23
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would attend with a card only! 

Post # 24
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

*facepalm*

Post # 25
Member
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh. Dare I throw out the “t” word?!

Regardless, I would probably still go just to save face but I WOULD NOT make a “donation”. If you don’t want to be the guest who blatenly goes against the brides wishes (i.e. strutting in with any kind of wrapped gift – for the record, I would totally be that person if I was invited to this shower) then I would pop a $25 or $50 gift card to Target or BB&B in a card and call it a day. You do not get to dictate what people give you as gifts and this chickadee needs to realize that. 

Post # 26
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with wanting cash instead of gifts.  I don’t really get the comment that a shower is supposed to be for setting up their home.. okay, so maybe it is, traditionally, but that’s not the type of shower they’re having obviously.  Their shower isn’t for that purpose.  It’s their shower, so really they can do whatever they want.  If I have a shower, it will definitely not be to “set up” my home.. we already have 2 or 3 of everything. 

With that being said, I don’t like the way this particular situation was done.. the calls/reminders seem very rude.

Post # 27
Member
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@MsFoxxy: In my opinion it’s never okay to come out and ask for money, especially to fund your wedding. Guests money should not be going to that. If this person genuinely didn’t want physical gifts then a honeymoon registry would have been the way to go. Sure, either way they’d be getting cash but atleast that way the guest *thinks* they’re paying for a couples massage or jet-ski excursion. 

Post # 28
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@UpstateCait:  I don’t really have a problem with it.. at least they’re being honest, LoL.  If you don’t like it, you don’t have to participate.  I wouldn’t do it myself, but I’m not gonna knock someone else for doing it.  The only problem I would have is if they were saying the gifts/money were for one thing, but it was really for something else. 

Post # 29
Member
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I wouldn’t go.

Post # 30
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@melisslp:  lmao, that is hilarious.   You could give them a Monopoly board game, and then they’d have their own “bank”.   Wonder if they’d catch on….  🙂

 

 

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