Post # 17
I would go to show support (although a lot of people frown on their union). I have a feeling that it’s going to be an empty wedding. It’s also this Thursday. I also want to go so I could observe. I haven’t attended a wedding since I joined WB.
I don’t want to go because it is odd. I’m on the fence!!
Post # 18
@tiff-tiff-tiff: I would go depending on how close i am to the couple, how far it is, if it sounds fun, and if i don’t have plans for that day. I like weddings 🙂
Post # 19
I got a second-hand invitation… as in my SO’s mom first told me that I was invited. My so then told me on the same day. Not the actual groom nor bride. Maybe if one of them actually told me so to my face, it would feel less odd.
Maybe it is not odd for you but it is for me… thus my creation of the thread.
Post # 20
I know them on a hi-how-are-you kinda level. We don’t specifically go out together. But I do see them often.
Post # 21
I don’t mind what list i’m on but the second-hand invitation is a little odd.
Post # 22
Perhaps they thought by telling your SO that he would tell you and that would be satisfactory. Different strokes for different folks, and that seems like a little one in the grand scheme of things. Think of it like a paper invitation…addressed to both of you, but generally, only one person opens it first!
Post # 23
I am very, VERY selective about the weddings I attend mostly because they are expensive (most of my friends are out of town so I have to travel for their weddings and vice versa). I wouldn’t go.
Post # 24
Okay I understand your view now…
Post # 25
Etiquette Snob here… lol
Paper Invites are always the preferred method of inviting someone to a Wedding.
BUT it is not the only way.
Oftentimes as you’ve determined a couple may have had an A List, B List, or even a C List
A well maintaned B & C List would happen seamlessly in such a way that the Guests on those lists wouldn’t know they were “down the line”
The main thing you never want is for anyone to feel like an After Thought
BUT there are occasions when verbal invites take place between “friends”
Usually when the Wedding isn’t planned to be a large number anyhow (hence why you didn’t make the A List)
And the couple has to make a “minimum” for their venue.
Example… They could have made a list of about 100 Relatives… but they planned to keep it around 30 for cost reasons, etc. Turns out the Relatives they invited (Aunts & Uncles), now have come back and told them NO can’t make it. Rather than move on to other Relatives (ie Cousins which will be a bigger tier, and people will compare one to the other on who got invited and who not) they’ve decided to move on to Friends (who wouldn’t have ever made their 30 max list otherwise). And because of the foreshortened timeframe (and the fact that all the printed Invites are long gone)… and they are sitting at say 18 YES Replies, and need to get to 25 for their venue Minimum with under 2 weeks to go they are asking their friends verbally, in hopes they’d understand and come.
Now as long as there actually was a verbal invite extended by the Groom or the Bride to you or your SO in person you are good to go (this is not a 3rd party situation… ie where your SO’s Mom told him who told you)
Whether you actually do go is up to you. Either way I’d call the Bride (or the Groom) and say thank you for thinking of us… and what you intend to do.
Hope this helps,
Post # 26
I’d maybe go but wouldn’t give much of a gift… I mean, obviously I’m not that important to them if they gave me a last-minute invite (because they “ran out” of paper invites), so why bother?
Post # 27
NOTE – Rule of Etiquette
These verbal things have Rules of Etiquette around them too. It is considered RUDE to send out an Invite with less than 2 or 3 Weeks lead time to the Printed RSVP Date… and never ok to send one out after the RSVP Date has passed… hence why you won’t have gotten a written Invite even if one was available anyhow.
Post # 28
I don’t know. Depends on how close you are to the couple. It’s possible that they just sent out invitations late, not that you were an after thought.
ETA: Oops! Didn’t see that you were only orally invited. That’s strange. It seems like they may have invited you because they bumped into your SO. They could have felt obligated to invite…
Post # 29
@tiff-tiff-tiff: I would feel like i was the after thought. I wouldn’t be going if I were you
Post # 30
@tiff-tiff-tiff: I’d decide using the same criteria I use to decide on all weddings.
Am I scheduled to do anything I can’t get out of/doesn’t rank higher in importance to me? Do I want to go to support the couple? Can I financially make it work (is it out of town/destination)?
Being asked late or not receiving a formal invitation wouldn’t matter to me. If I want to be there on the couple’s big day neither of those things matter.
Post # 31
This is good advice and I totally agree! We are date twins by the way 🙂