(Closed) Would you attend this wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you go?
    yes : (50 votes)
    24 %
    no : (155 votes)
    76 %
  • Post # 32
    956 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    If I didn’t have to travel and had nothing else planned I would go. I am very social and love weddings, so I would ENJOY going. However, if you would most likely NOT enjoy going, then stay home.

    Post # 33
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  I voted no, but it would depend on some factors for me. Firstly, did I know they were getting married and had they hinted at the size? Secondly, how close I am with these people would also play a factor… at the wedding am I going to be with freinds/family at this wedding? Because then I know how much fun I am going to have and whether I would miss out by not being involved.

    I also think you made a point that you hadn’t attended a wedding since joining the bee then its probably good for you! I didn’t have one single wedding between the time I was engaged and when we got married (2 years nearly!) and I think it would have helped with the logistics of the day

    Post # 34
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  Yes, I’d attend. I don’t care about being a B-list. I’ve been through a wedding myself so I know the guest list is hard.

    p.s. EIther way reply ASAP. TBH I would have tried to reply earlier than now.

    Post # 35
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think you were B-listed, but even still, if I were going to be properly hosted (open bar, dinner, no huge unhosted gap, my husband invited too) and I didn’t have to travel or have other plans…why not!? Weddings are fun!

    Post # 36
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    If I would have gone if I had received a paper invitation, then yes, I would still go.

    Post # 37
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I say yes, because…well, why not?  The same thing happened to me once, only it was the wedding of someone whom I thought was a pretty close friend.  She texted me and said that some people had RSVP’d ‘no’ so now she could invite me.  I thought that was really rude of her to *say* that but there was a whole group of us that were invited that way and I think we weren’t on the original list because the venue had a limited capacity and family took precedence.  I debated about it, but in the end I went.  The venue was pretty, the food was good, and the mimosas were flowing…what’s not to like?

    Post # 38
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    Paper invitations sent a week or two before the wedding + verbal invitations to others 3 days before said wedding = it’s gonna be ratchet.

    I’d send my regrets and wish them well.

    Post # 39
    12 posts

    From an etiquette perspective,

    It is incredibly rude to tier guests (i.e. “B-Lists”). As “seamlessly” as you try to make it, most will, as in your case, know they were not initially invited. I would graciously decline this invitation. I would however make sure you send a nice card (a gift is unnecessary) but you should, etiquette wise, acknowledge the invitation and congratulate the couple.

    Post # 42
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  Its not that uncommon hear where word of mouth invites happen. I got one about 2 weeks ago the day before the wedding. The only reason I didnt go was because I had to work. She lives in the US but we grown up together and she married home. Another one was that we talked with a close friend about the wedding for months as she was plannign but I never got a formal invite but was invited to that wedding. Cultures vary and I do love weddings so I think it depends. I’ve learned while puttign together my guestlist you have ppl in your head but some how they are not written on the list and as you see them u inform them. And if the invited have been sent and you order the number you thought would be enough you can run out. I wouldn’t go if I was really uncomfortable if i cud put the wierd verbal invite behind me then I’d be the first person on the dance floor when the DJ kicks off that music lol .

    Post # 43
    433 posts
    Helper bee


    I’ve been on the b-list invite list 3 times. Twice were Facebook invites and one in person. All a couple weeks before the wedding.  It is a little insulting but weddings are fun. I went to two of them. The one I didn’t attend was out of town and not enough notice to book off work. If I lived there I would have gone though. 

    Post # 44
    804 posts
    Busy bee

    @tiff-tiff-tiff:  I think some people get a bit precious about being no.1 on everyone’s invite list – go if you want and don’t if you don’t want, don’t overthink it!

    Post # 45
    39 posts
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @tiff-tiff-tiff: I can understand how you’re feeling. It’s like inviting you was almost an afterthought, but it’s such an important milestone in their lives that it would feel weird to be there if you weren’t really wanted. I’ve been in those shoes, I totally get it.

    Assuming you don’t need to travel, etc., I would go for the following reasons: 1) weddings are fun – I just love being there for all the special moments like the first dance and trying the cake and whatnot; 2) what a great chance to be on the lookout for ideas for your own wedding! maybe they will have great favors or place settings or another idea you might totally want to rip off for your own wedding, and you’ll never know if you’re not there to see it!; 3) there’s a chance that you might grow closer to this couple in the future. from the way you’re describing the current relationship, sending your regrets and doing something else that day wouldn’t burn any bridges with them, but as they’re inviting you to their wedding (even last minute), perhaps they consider you close enough that you may grow closer over time and you might look back years from now wishing you had been at their wedding. just my two cents!

    Post # 46
    2480 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I wouldn’t stay away on the basis of having taken umbrage because that’s really cutting off your nose to spite your face it this turns out to be a great wedding.

    Having said that, I’d probably not want to go to vast expense to attend either. But if you are free on the day, why not?

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