Post # 16
I think they’re an extremely smart way to handle finances if one of the parties has way more money coming into a marriage or has things that need protecting just in case. A lot of people believe that they will never get divorced, but it’s a harsh reality and you can never know what life holds for you. I think it’s dumb, personally, to get emotional over a prenup.
Post # 17
I had one, so I personally don’t have a problem with it at all. I wouldn’t take it as a sign the person didn’t love me or was afraid of committing to me.
I also think that the process of putting one together was a really good lesson in terms of helping us to understand what our goals were as a couple, what our expectations were, and the need for financial honesty in a relationship.
Post # 18
I would never sign one, but my Fiance would never ask for one. Why start out your marriage planning for the divorce? A prenup shows a lack of trust in my opinion.
Post # 19
I have never understood why you would not want one. Both parties have assets of some description. It does not mean that you expect a divorce to happen. It does mean that you can avoid court costs and all the animosity associated with a protracted property settlement if you do separate.
I have seen too many divorces where one person turns mean on separation and tries to grab as many assets as possible. And, to avoid going to court, and all the emotional and financial cost involved with that, the other person will simply give up far too many assets.
Post # 20
All my prenup has in it is that the freezer must always contain homemade pasta sauce (he’s Italian). Lol!! Other than that, we’re pooooor so no worries.
Post # 21
If one person has substantial family assets or if there are kids involved, yes. Otherwise, very weird in my opinion.
Post # 22
I understand the logic behind a prenup, but I would be really upset by it. I think marriage is hard enough as it is and you have to comit yourself fully to it. There’s something about already planning for potential divorce that just feels wrong. I’m going into this feeling like I am going to spend the rest of my life with this person, I am not considering divorce as an option. If I absolutely had to, I would sign a prenup, but it would be very upsetting.
Post # 23
I’m dead against, because:
– I trust the law of the land to adjucate fairly in the case of my divorce, and I do not think that anyone should be able to circumnavigate the law.
– I trust the law to adjudicate fairly taking into account the circumstances surrounding my divorce at the time of my divorce (if appropriate). For me, prenups always seem unfair because they are based upon the circumstances at the time of the marriage… 30 years later, if the couple divorce, the same circumstances may be far from fair. In this case, I trust the law to be fairer than a prenup signed decades previously.
Post # 24
I don’t have a problem with a pre-nup, but we have decided not to do one. It’s just not done on either side of our families. No one has even brought up the issue to us.
The only reason we even mentioned a pre-nup is because I have a bridesmaid who is pushing us to sign one…..to the point where I’ve actually yelled at her to shut up, it’s not her relationship. She’s an uber feminist and she thinks the only way to do something right is her way. I don’t have anything against pre-nups….we just have already decided not to do one and everytime I talk to her she pushes the issue on me. Annoying and frustrating (sorry went off on a little rant there lol)
Post # 26
There is no way to predict how a divorce proceeding will go down. If anything, the norm of the court is not an “equal” split.
A pre-nup, if drafted with equality in mind, is likely more “equal” than what would come out an emotionally charged divorce.
I probably have skewed views of this because my Fiance was divorced and it is quite frightening the things that can happen/ what can get taken away during the process.
Post # 27
I agree with you here. I like that you mentioned children. When there are step-children involved in particular they can start losing things very quickly.
I knew someone who lost her entire inheritance because it went to her step-brother and step-sister in the form a child support after a nasty divorce.
Post # 28
I have absolutely no problem with pre-nups whatsoever and think it can be a very sensible and mature decision for certain couples to make depending on their circumstances.
This isn’t the 1950’s, we are in an age now where people are getting married older or remarrying so often one or both will have assets prior to entering into the relationship. There is also the issue of children from previous marriages/relationships who need to be considered should anything happen.
If you’re both 25 it might not be applicable but if two people are encores in their 40’s or 50’s with kids already, one might have a business they’ve spent 20 years building, one or both might have a house, inheritance, savings…
It goes without saying that nobody enters into a marriage expecting it to end in divorce…but we shouldn’t bury our heads in the sand here…the divorce rate is higher than ever! It doesn’t mean you love your SO/FI/DH any less or that you are planning for your marriage to fail, it’s just a sensible ‘just in case’ agreement between adults that can be filled away and hopefully never ever discussed or even looked at again.
I also think it shows a lot of strength and trust in a relationship if this can be discussed in a mature and understanding manner without one party getting upset!
Post # 29
I am fine with the idea of a prenup. I kind of consider it the same as buying insurance. I have renter’s insurance, car insurance, ring insurance, life insurance… that doesn’t mean I EXPECT my apartment to catch fire or I THINK that I will loose my ring, but I am prepared if the unthinkable happens. As the saying goes, “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst”.
Post # 30
I’m a fan of the pre-nup. If you don’t have one, the law looks to the default divorce laws — how can lawmakers know what’s best for me and my partner?
I also think it’s great because you’re still in love and you’re looking to be fair. Should you get divorced, fair isn’t often part of it — lawyers could end up burning through all the $$$.