Post # 1
My cousin is having her bridal shower, and I can’t come. It would mean traveling all the way across the country just for one day, and even though my mom is willing to pay for my plane ticket, it’s just a huge hassle and I would be spending the entire weekend on a plane, just for one brunch. However, it’s not really a good excuse because TECHNICALLY, I could go.
The thing is, my cousin NEVER calls me and did not make me a bridesmaid. She’s sweet, but she clearly doesn’t regard me as being that close because she never reaches out to me. I haven’t spoken to her since Christmas, and we don’t really speak unless we see each other at family functions. I’m wondering if she only invited me as a courtesy to begin with. However, I don’t want to cause a big family drama by not going, because I recall her being furious with me when I wasn’t able to go to her HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION (I didn’t even want to go to my OWN high school graduation!)
Of course, I am going to her wedding and I am very excited about that, but I don’t see why I would travel across the country twice, just for a brunch, for a wedding I’m not even part of. Can anyone think of a nice way to tell her I’m not going, and if not, is it wrong for me not to go? I don’t even think she really wants me there.
Post # 3
No I wouldn’t be. It would be enough for me that you come to my wedding.
Post # 4
I would not fly across the country for someone’s bridal shower for one day. That is insanity. Just send a gift ahead of time with a note saying you are sad you had to miss it but can’t wait to see her on her special day.
Post # 5
@arsing89: I think she’s going to need a real reason though, I don’t think she’ll accept that it’s just a hassle for me. I don’t want to lie but I need to come up with something that doesn’t hurt her feelings.
Post # 6
I do not have a relationship with any of my cousins… so no.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t expect anyone- even my Mom or the bridal party – to fly across the country for a shower, whether they could afford it or not. Sometimes people need a reality check when it comes to expenses associated with weddings.
Post # 8
Nope! I couldnt make my cousin’s bridal shower and I don’t think she minded. I sent a gift and a card and I think that was fine. I have a ton of cousins who are invited to my shower next month, and while I would love to see them, I understand most of them probably won’t be able to make it there. I’d rather if they can only travel once, that they come to the wedding. I wouldn’t have any hard feelings. 🙂
Post # 9
I personally wouldn’t ever expect anyone to fly across the country for a bridal shower.
However, sometimes family drama doesn’t really fall under the “rational” category, so there’s no way of knowing how your aunt/cousin are actually going to feel.
To avoid confrontation, I would probably make up an excuse. Say you have already accepted an invitation to another event in town that weekend. Be very remorseful and stress how sad you are that you are going to miss such a joyous occasion.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t worry about passing on the shower. My out-of-state bridesmaids didn’t come to mine, and I completely understood. I didn’t even think about inviting my cousins to the shower because I didn’t want to put any pressure on out of state family members to fly down.
Post # 11
She needs to get a clue. Its across the country. Even if your ticket is paid for its a whole weekend and a hassle.
Hell i dont even think my aunt and uncle will be flying down for my WEDDING. And i cant blame them its across the country and all.
Post # 12
Flying aross the country for a bridal brunch is an unreasonable expectation. Any sane person would not expect you to do that. Also, it is crazy rude to ask someone WHY they declined an invitation. You don’t owe her or anyone else an explanation.
Post # 13
@anon00: I don’t know. I would never in a million years be angry that someone wouldn’t fly across the country for the day of my bridal shower. I would never expect that from anyone either. Can you tell her you have a work obligation or something? Does she know about her shower?
Post # 14
I was hurt that my cousins didn’t come to my bridal shower, but they only live a couple hours away. If they lived across the country, of course I wouldn’t expect them to come! So, I think you are fully justified in not going.
My best suggestion about declining – make sure you RSVP, tell her how sorry you are that you cannot make it (even if you aren’t) and that you are really looking forward to attending her wedding (even if you aren’t) and send a gift (or a gift card, etc.). That way it won’t reflect badly on you, hopefully.
Post # 16
No, but send them a gift or a card.