(Closed) Would you be mad if sister-in-law. . .

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 62
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s one thing to get jealous over a random girl doing that (totally ok to be mad at that point)…but it’s his sister. Don’t think about this anymore. It will just cause you too much stress (more than what it’s worth)

I mean, she sounds like a wild girl and her actions are weird, but they are nothing to get upset about!

Post # 63
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just wanted to say that I don’t think this behavior is really weird, necessarily. My little brother and I are close in age, 21 and 23, respectively, and it’s not at all unusual for him to snuggle up on the couch, or for one of us to sit on the other (mostly to be silly and squish the other). To be honest, it weirds me out that someone would interpret this as being sexual. We’re siblings, for Chrissake. Gross! We just grew up in a family that was a lot more physically affectionate.

That being said, I do think that the past sexual abuse is an important factor to consider. Victims of sexual abuse can sometimes behave overly/inappropriately sexually. I wouldn’t be mad at her. I’d feel sorry for her.

Post # 64
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006


Post # 65
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am very close with my family and will often be physically affectionate with my siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. So, from your original post, I don’t think that is an issue.

However, as you said that she took her top off in front of him when she was drunk. Tthis could possibly be a matter of her just changing her clothes – I’ve gotten changed with family around because, well, they’ve seen me naked before and they usually look away. But if she took off her top saying “Look at these!” then that’s definitely an issue.

Also, did you say she was sexually abused by her father? If that’s the case, she possibly has a very mixed up understanding of sexual relationships or sexual boundaries. I work with people that have been sexually abused, and a lot of them think that the only way to show affection is through sexual behaviour. Also, if the abuser was a parent, they may think something along the lines of “If brother loves/cares about me, then he will want to have sex with me.”

It sounds as though this is something you should discuss with your partner – let him know you think this behaviour is unusual (doesn’t have to be an accusing way – just something like “Wow, your sister sure must have missed you! She was pretty much sitting in your lap!”). If he feels uncomfortable with it, then he can start setting boundaries or, if there are any other behaviours she has, perhaps he should try encouraging her to go to counselling for her past traumas.

Post # 66
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

@Sheepshead:  For me it’s the context. Most of the comparisons made here are . . . in the privacy of someone’s own home or in the vein of getting comfortable/being cozy together. I don’t have a brother but I do hug my male cousins I’m close with, and not just when we’re saying hello or goodbye either. For example, I do NOT think it would be weird if my husband’s immediate family went somewhere overnight and my husband and SIL had to share a queen bed. I’d be like whatever. Beats sleeping on the floor!

But the idea of hanging all over a male family member/draping myself over him in public – in a bar, no less – does strike me as very strange. Maybe territorial? I don’t know. I just know that it would gross me out if I saw my SIL doing that.

Post # 67
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would be really weirded out… my brother and I are really close, but I think if I did that to him he’d be super weirded out and make me stop lol (and the thought of doing it makes me feel ick)

Post # 68
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

This reminds me of a FRIENDS episode.. Danny and his sister, anyone? But I digress…

OP, this is seriously something you need to let go. They’re brother and sister. Seriously. I have 6 brothers and I could see myself doing the same.

Post # 69
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Seriously people need to get a grip. Her arm around his shoulders and legs on his lap.I guess since I only have brothers four of them, I don’t see the big deal.

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