Post # 1
I’m asking because I was a guest at a friend’s wedding a few years ago (local people within easy driving distance) and noticed she had A LOT fewer people at the church than the reception. The church was a bit empty and I think it seems rude to only come for the party and not the actual event/service.
My own wedding is in <2 weeks and we are having 90% people come from at least 3-4 hours away and pretty much everyone is arriving the day of the wedding (Sat.) when hotel check-in is 3pm and our ceremony starts at 3pm. The hotel allowed us to select 3 rooms for early check-in (for the wedding party) but I think I will be a bit disappointed if people don’t come to the wedding itself. Am I the odd one out?
Post # 2
I personally didn’t care if they came to the ceremony, but I wanted my guests at the reception since that’s really the fun part. Our ceremony was 15 mins long, so there wasn’t much to miss anyways. That being said, our ceremony, reception and hotel were all in 1 location, so it was easy for our guests to be at all of our wedding events.
Post # 3
Having all the events at the same location is ideal, it certainly would be more relaxing too!
Post # 4
I don’t think it is nice to show up just for the reception. I feel like it is like “hey congrats, where is the free booze?” haha.
However, i do completely understand that sometimes things come up, people have their own schedules, cant clear their whole day etc. And that is totally fine.
Post # 5
In general, I think it’s rude to only show up for the party and not the ceremony. That said, we’ve done it once when there was a significant gap between the ceremony and the reception (4 hours) and we needed to arrange child care for the time we were away from home. We did tell the couple in advance that we’d have to do that, and they were understanding (though maybe miffed in private, hard to say!)
Post # 6
Yes, I would be miffed if they skipped the actual wedding and just showed up to the party.
There are legitimate reasons for missing the ceremony, of course. I wouldn’t be mad at people who had a real reason for missing it. The reason doesn’t have to be of the “A relative is on life-support” or “There was a 20 car pile-up” variety, either. Any logical reason is just fine.
It’s the people who planned or decided to skip the ceremony that I would be miffed at.
Post # 7
I would be, because I think it’s rude to come and eat the food, etc, without actually attending the main event. I think it’s really rude, and I would be a bit offended if someone attended the reception and not the wedding. I think the only circumstance that makes it acceptable is if someone is unable to attend the wedding, but they want to wish you well at the reception.
Post # 8
I’ve had friends who sent out more invitations to the reception than the ceremony – they wanted the ceremony small and intimate but the celebration afterwards with all their friends.
Post # 9
I’d definitely be miffed, yes. To me, it’s a bit like saying “Congrats! Enough about you now, where’s my free awesome meal?” Rude!
ETA: If they got stuck in traffic or had other legitimate reasons I’d be fine of course. Life’s not always predictable.
Post # 10
I know of people who have done this, normally it is because there is a huge gap inbetween the ceremony & reception, in a neighboring town that has nothing going on or no where to go.
I had to do it once, it was back when I was in college and worked as a CNA, and I could not get anyone to cover my mandatory weekend shift, so I had to skip the ceremony for work then get there. Of coruse, I asked the bride ahead of time, mainly because at that point it was either skip the ceremony or not go at all.
Post # 11
Jijitattoo: Rhopalocera: alpinebride: MsMeow:
glad I’m not the only one!
I can definitely see this as a possibility for smaller locations – but of course you know this ahead of time
Post # 12
yes, i’d be upset. while the ceremony may not be the funnest part of the day, to me it’s more important part .
Post # 13
I live in a farming community, and it is actually quite common for someone to have to skip the cermony due to having to do chores and show up for the reception. In a case where someone has a “I have to work” or “I could only find child care for so long” reason, I would be glad that they found a way to still come. If you don’t have that reason, I would be miffed.
Post # 14
To add, I did grow up in a farming area, and it is almost expected for farmers to do this, beause they have to do evening chores, you can’t let the animals go hungry, so they will do chores a bit early and then come over for the reception.
Post # 15
Well, the issue for us was that we had quite a long Catholic ceremony. We tried to make it inclusive and to balance the religious requirements of our immediate family, but at the end it had to be true to our values. I didn’t want some of our hardcore atheist relatives to sit there with sulky faces like thunder through the whole thing, and I would much rather have just had them come to the reception. At the end of the day, I think the ceremony should reflect the couple… and we wanted a ceremony which was true to our beliefs. That doesn’t mean I felt the need to inflict those beliefs on others… especially those who were used to shorter ceremonies.
So I do understand why people might feel the need to excuse themselves from the religious component of the day if they do not follow that religion, and just attend the reception. With that said, I would happily attend the marriage ceremonies of most religions… in fact, I attended my best friend’s Islamic blessing some time prior to my own wedding.