Post # 1
We have a couple who we are very close with. Before we moved to Halifax, we saw them at least once a week. Now that we have moved, we still keep in as close of contact as possible. We are going back to visit soon, and other than family members, these friends are the only ones we are making time to see. This is just to give background on how close we are.
This couple is so sweet, caring, and generous despite not having much. The female has just finished school (she had to put this on hold for awhile), but job prospects aren’t very good (she took the course because she loved it and has a passion for it as opposed to more practical reasons). They are surviving on one income, and he doesn’t make very much.
They live in a rental unit, they don’t have a car, they are married but couldn’t afford a honeymoon, they don’t have a savings account, and they face a lot of daily financial struggles. Despite this, they still insist on hosting us as often as we host them and are incredibly generous with what they do have. They never complain and don’t seem bothered by this lifestyle.
Fiance and I are in a completely different situation and we really want to do something nice for their upcoming anniversary (they have been married for 5 years now). It may sound crazy, but we want to book a vacation on Cheap Caribbean and send them on a belated honeymoon (I do know that her husband could get the vacation time, but I would likely have to ruin the surprise and let him know our plans).
Is this completely out of line, or is it a nice gesture? I have been friends with the wife for 10 years and friends with her husband for the entire course of their relationship. I really want to give her a surprise because she just deserves it. I don’t want to cause them offense though or have them think it is charity or pity. Fiance and I go back and forth on whether this is a good idea or whether we should just buy them a kitchen appliance!
Post # 3
I would probably talk to her husband and tell him that you want to do this as a surprise for her (since you will have to tell him anyway so he can take off work) and see what he thinks. They may already have plans, or there may be a particular time at his work that he is unable to take off during.
Post # 4
Offended, no. But….people are funny about money or big gifts. This might start to feel like something hanging over their head. They might have this mentality that they “owe” you after something like that. Even if you say and mean that there are no strings attached.
It’s so nice but it would make me uncomfortable.
Post # 5
I LOVE how generous you are and I think it’s so sweet, but I don’t know if they would be comfortable accepting it. I personally wouldn’t accept something like this unless it was offered by close family- with friends I’d just worry about having to reciprocate or feeling indebted. SO and I have some friends who are in much better financial situations than we are and we do what we can to treat them back to lunch, give gifts etc but a vacation like that would be something we would be uncomfortable with. Maybe some bees will have suggestions for how you can convey it to them though, because I love the idea and I hope you can figure out a way to get them to be comfortable with it.
Post # 6
I think this is an amazing and generous idea. Not out of line at all. I wish you were coming to my wedding 🙂
Post # 7
I think you are the sweetest friend, and if you want to and can afford it, I think it’s so nice!!
Post # 8
I think it’s a really lovely idea, but whether they’d be thrilled or embarassed depends on the couple. You probably know them better than we do! The part I’m most hesitant about is that another couple’s anniversary isn’t usually a gift-giving occasion. Like, if you gave me and my husband an over-the-top lavish gift at our wedding, I’d be really touched and happy and thankful, because it’s a gift-giving occasion and you’re there to celebrate and be part of it with us. But for our anniversary? I might feel a little funny about accepting such an expensive gift, especially knowing I wouldn’t be able to reciprocate.
Either way, make sure they have passports before you get them a trip out of the country! It would really suck if they had to pay a few hundred dollars to rush passports so they could actually take you up on it.
Post # 9
I put other because it depends on the person. I know some people are very proud and don’t accept things like this. For instance, they never ask to be lent money.. things like that.
But I also know people who would be gracious and very thankful to have friends like you in their lives.
You know them best!
Post # 10
I could see why you worry.
Hopefully they would take it for what it is, an incredibly generous gift, but there’s always the risk that they perceive it as “You’re poor, here’s a trip” and that would be awful. I think the risk for that is higher if you just book the tickets for them, it would be a different thing if you were coming along for the trip. Could you contact the husband and say something down the lines of “We want to experience this with you because you’re such an important part of our life. We understand it might not be financially possible for you guys at this time, but please don’t think about it, we’ll cover it, as long as you can take time off from work”. That way you don’t mention that it’s a gift specifically, reducing the risk of them feeling like they’ll have to return it somehow.
Post # 11
This Is so sweet! I think PP made good points about passports, etc. if it were me, and I have been in your situation before, I would try to make it seem like something you purchased and can’t use, and you have to give to someone or its going to waste. That way, they don’t have to feel like they’re accepting charity, and in your heart you get to give the gift you want to give.
sometomes the best gifts are the ones people don’t know you gave:-)
Post # 12
@BoxerLady: I agree with PP that it really depends on the people, but you should probably bring it up with her husband. If they don’t have passports, they might not be able to go. Maybe you could do something that is a little less, so they don’t feel really embarrased. Like a weekend trip somewhere they could drive. That way they might not feel it is so extravagent. I know if a friend gave this to me, I would probably accept and be so grateful, albeit a bit embarrassed perhaps.
Post # 13
I think it’s great…but I do think you should just check with her husband first even thought it might ruin the surprise for him. But he doesn’t have to tell her until you surprise her with it. Some people might be uncomfortable accepting something so generous so I’d want to make sure first. Also…you really want to make sure he can get off work and that they don’t have any other plans.
Post # 14
@BoxerLady: My best friend gives me very generous gifts and I am happy to do the same for her. I think this is very nice and see nothing wrong with it at all!
Post # 15
very nice of you to do this. but it can’t be a surprise. you have to make sure this is something they would like to do, are available to go, and make sure they understand it is a gift with no strings attached.
Post # 16
It would put me in an awkward position. I’m not big on travelling and there’s a number of countries where medically it’s advised I do not go.
If you’re not surprising them with it though, then ok. Just as long as you don’t put pressure on them.