(Closed) Would you be offended by a really elaborate gift?

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: If your friend purchased a trip for you, would you be offended?
    Of course not - I'd go! : (105 votes)
    62 %
    No, but I wouldn't accept it : (36 votes)
    21 %
    Yes, I don't think this is appropriate : (19 votes)
    11 %
    Other : (10 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would probably talk to her husband and tell him that you want to do this as a surprise for her (since you will have to tell him anyway so he can take off work) and see what he thinks.  They may already have plans, or there may be a particular time at his work that he is unable to take off during.  

    Post # 4
    Member
    644 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Offended, no.  But….people are funny about money or big gifts.  This might start to feel like something hanging over their head.  They might have this mentality that they “owe” you after something like that.  Even if you say and mean that there are no strings attached. 

    It’s so nice but it would make me uncomfortable.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1006 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I LOVE how generous you are and I think it’s so sweet, but I don’t know if they would be comfortable accepting it.  I personally wouldn’t accept something like this unless it was offered by close family- with friends I’d just worry about having to reciprocate or feeling indebted.  SO and I have some friends who are in much better financial situations than we are and we do what we can to treat them back to lunch, give gifts etc but a vacation like that would be something we would be uncomfortable with.  Maybe some bees will have suggestions for how you can convey it to them though, because I love the idea and I hope you can figure out a way to get them to be comfortable with it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    866 posts
    Busy bee

    I think this is an amazing and generous idea. Not out of line at all. I wish you were coming to my wedding 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    1846 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think you are the sweetest friend, and if you want to and can afford it, I think it’s so nice!!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2905 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it’s a really lovely idea, but whether they’d be thrilled or embarassed depends on the couple. You probably know them better than we do! The part I’m most hesitant about is that another couple’s anniversary isn’t usually a gift-giving occasion. Like, if you gave me and my husband an over-the-top lavish gift at our wedding, I’d be really touched and happy and thankful, because it’s a gift-giving occasion and you’re there to celebrate and be part of it with us. But for our anniversary? I might feel a little funny about accepting such an expensive gift, especially knowing I wouldn’t be able to reciprocate. 

    Either way, make sure they have passports before you get them a trip out of the country! It would really suck if they had to pay a few hundred dollars to rush passports so they could actually take you up on it. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1938 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I put other because it depends on the person. I know some people are very proud and don’t accept things like this. For instance, they never ask to be lent money.. things like that.

    But I also know people who would be gracious and very thankful to have friends like you in their lives.

    You know them best! 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3039 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I could see why you worry.

    Hopefully they would take it for what it is, an incredibly generous gift, but there’s always the risk that they perceive it as “You’re poor, here’s a trip” and that would be awful. I think the risk for that is higher if you just book the tickets for them, it would be a different thing if you were coming along for the trip. Could you contact the husband and say something down the lines of “We want to experience this with you because you’re such an important part of our life. We understand it might not be financially possible for you guys at this time, but please don’t think about it, we’ll cover it, as long as you can take time off from work”. That way you don’t mention that it’s a gift specifically, reducing the risk of them feeling like they’ll have to return it somehow. 

    Post # 11
    Hostess
    12248 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    This Is so sweet! I think PP made good points about passports, etc. if it were me, and I have been in your situation before, I would try to make it seem like something you purchased and can’t use, and you have to give to someone or its going to waste. That way, they don’t have to feel like they’re accepting charity, and in your heart you get to give the gift you want to give. 

    sometomes the best gifts are the ones people don’t know you gave:-) 

    Post # 12
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @BoxerLady:  I agree with PP that it really depends on the people, but you should probably bring it up with her husband. If they don’t have passports, they might not be able to go. Maybe you could do something that is a little less, so they don’t feel really embarrased. Like a weekend trip somewhere they could drive. That way they might not feel it is so extravagent. I know if a friend gave this to me, I would probably accept and be so grateful, albeit a bit embarrassed perhaps.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9689 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think it’s great…but I do think you should just check with her husband first even thought it might ruin the surprise for him.  But he doesn’t have to tell her until you surprise her with it.  Some people might be uncomfortable accepting something so generous so I’d want to make sure first.  Also…you really want to make sure he can get off work and that they don’t have any other plans.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @BoxerLady:  My best friend gives me very generous gifts and I am happy to do the same for her.  I think this is very nice and see nothing wrong with it at all!

    Post # 15
    Member
    8871 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    very nice of you to do this. but it can’t be a surprise.  you have to make sure this is something they would like to do, are available to go, and make sure they understand it is a gift with no strings attached.

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    10601 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    It would put me in an awkward position.  I’m not big on travelling and there’s a number of countries where medically it’s advised I do not go.

     

    If you’re not surprising them with it though, then ok.  Just as long as you don’t put pressure on them.

     

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